Review: to Jennifer

Text by Richard Gary / Indie Horror Films, 2014
Images from the Internet

 

to Jennifer

Directed by James Cullen Bressack
Psykik Junky Pictures
MVD Visual
76 minutes, 2013
www.psykikjunkypictures.com
www.mvdvisual.com

Joey (Chuck Pappas) is convinced that his long-distance girlfriend, the titular Jennifer (Jessica Cameron), is cheating on him due to a text message she sent to someone else. Taking the Bobby Vee song, “The Night Has a Thousand Eyes” to heart, he takes his unwitting and abrasive cousin/friend Steven (the director, Bressack) along to record the events on his phone as a hostile witness.

In fact, this is self-reportedly the first film ever shot entirely on an iPhone 5. Yes, that does make it a “found footage” pseudo-documentary kind of deal. And man, it takes a while for anything to happen. After an extended airport set piece that is supposed to show state of minds but just drags, They hook up with stoner Martin (Jody Barton, an old pal in Jennifer’s town. They meander more than focus on anything.  In the first half hour there is a boring party, a fistfight without context and meaning, a trip to an old motel that was once the scene of a crime… All in all, in the first hour, there’s actually about 5 minutes that adds anything to the actual story. 

There is absolutely no character development other than shrillness and macho posturing. Even the introduction of some hollering around a couple of prostitutes (real life porn star Nella Jay and trans Kitty Doll) into the mix does nothing to advance the plot, and is a waste of good talent. Jay steals all her scenes. All this section did is make me want to take Joey’s poser hipster stocking hat and shove it in his mouth to just shut him the fuck up. And Bressack’s annoying voice and cackle as he videos (and of course he’s the loudest holding the camera) keeps me this close to wanting to hit pause.

So, the first big reveal an hour in? Figured it out earlier, when the event supposedly happened. An hour and three minutes in, during the first suspenseful moment in the film, a stupid – I mean really, really stupid question, almost ruins the mood.

Here’s a thing I learned in the 1980s, while watching Linda Blair’s Hell Night (1981): during a scene where someone is roaming around and you’re expecting something to jump out can last too long, making suspense dip into viewer impatience. But I didn’t advance the DVD at all, and waited to see what would happen. Do I get some kind of award? Second stupid question at 1:05. 

It finally starts getting a little interesting at 1:07, but again, ruins the moment by more roaming. And by sheer stoopidity (slight spoiler alert): why the fuck would some who is being hunted stay on the grounds of the house, and not run as far away as possible? Hey, even Michael’s sister Laurie knew to run to a neighbor, and that was in 1978, fer krissake.

No, I won’t spoil the ending, but I’m hoping I won’t have to see a sequel.

The only extra is a commentary track with the three mail leads.  Thankfully they actually talk about the film, though they seem to have enjoyed it more than I did, with lots of laughing and joking along with the information.

In sum, the length of this review belies the depth to which I think – or actually don’t think – about it. It would have made a decent 15 minute short, but there is just not enough happening to warrant the full length treatment. To be a bit balanced, reviews I’ve read disagree with me, so there are those that liked it.

Usually I champion indie filmmaking, especially one that uses technology in a way that’s never been used before, but this just a barking dog with no teeth. Okay, perhaps three, but two of them have cavities.

Bonus video: