Review: Isis Rising: Curse of the Lady Mummy

Text © Richard Gary / Indie Horror Films, 2014
Images from the Internet

 

Isis Rising: Curse of the Lady Mummy
Written and directed by Lisa Palenica
Tom Cat Films / Platinum Assassin Films
80 minutes, 2012 / 2014
www.tomcatfilms.com
www.mvdvisual.com

That was no lady, that was your mummy! (Sorry…)

Okay, just a few corrective notes before I get into the review itself. The myth of Osiris is one of the most durable from all Middle Egypt, strong enough to replace Ra (sun god) as the main religion of Early Egypt after papyrus was introduced and could carry the story faster and further.



The Isis of myth

Osiris and Isis were not just husband/wife and brother/sister, but were also twins, the children of Nut (sky goddess) and Geb (earth god). Their brother was Set, who was also married to his own twin, Nephyhys (absent from this film). Director/writer Lisa Palenica does get it right that Set kills Osiris and chops him into pieces, but Isis and Nephyhys find all the parts except one (yes, that one), and after shaping a phallus out of mud, she is impregnated with their son, Horus, the most popular god of the period (he has a bird head; the “eye of Horus” is one of the most common cultural symbols to last the ages, along with Isis kneeling with her feathered arms outspread). After Horus is – er – created, Osiris becomes the Lord of the Underworld (not Hades, just death). Unlike the prologue here, Isis is not killed. Hey, it’s the prologue, so get over the spoiler alert, okay?

 

Osiris and Isis (Rai in a painted-on bra) of the film

Yeah, I’m a fan of the myth. Been to Egypt for a college class and wrote a forty-page paper on the changes of funeral traditions as the technology of the writing medium changed (from pyramids to mastabas to papyrus). I’ve even stood in the Temple of Horus in Memphis, so I’m going to be a little bit harder about the myth.

After the prologue, when the modern story actually starts, we meet a bunch of archeology students and their professors as they search for the “black magic” Book of the Undead (filmed at the Mesa Museum in Scottsdale, AZ), which is also what Isis is supposed to use to raise her dead hubby/bro and an army to take over the world. This collection of students includes a couple of horndog jock surfer type dudes (Michael Alvarez, Joshua DuMond), one of whom even wears his baseball cap backwards. Really? Have you even seen an archeology student? They don’t have time for that kinda stuff. Then there are their girlfriends, including one with bleached blonde hair and lots of cleavage (the director of this epic, of all people) and another who is slight and toothsome in a cute way, and equally horny (Shellie Ulrich). Then there is the brilliant older but horny Asian student (Jiang Song), and the shy but horny nerd (Robin Daniel Egan). Mentoring them (i.e., using them) is the horny older professor (Randy Oppenhiemer) and the handsome and not horny prof-head-of-his-field (Seth Grandrud, during his best Fernando Lamas). Add the lonely and horny museum curator (Judith Eisenberg), and the perv voyeur (aka horny) security guard (“bear” porn actor James Bartholet), and you have more hormones floating around that you would think to find at a research project that would normally go to the top of the class, rather than the remedial ones.

 Of course, Isis rises (diminutive porn actress Priya Rai), even though it’s never really explained how. Rai makes some brief appearances here and there with overflowing bras, but mostly she does that cliché thing where she enters someone via mist from her mouth, and takes over their body.

I need to make a comment here, which I know should fall under the view of suspension of disbelief, but when one of the students inevitably finds the Book of the Undead, it is an actual book, with a front and back cover, spine, printed gilt letters on said cover, typeset text and equally sized pages. Of course, this is not possible since books didn’t really exist in this form until after Johannes Gutenberg’s press during the 15 Century, in Europe, not Egypt. Papyrus was the mode of discourse when the story of Isis and Osiris was spread, but at the time when they were supposed to exist, the best it could have possibly been was chiseled on stone walls. In actuality, since they were beings from the beginning of time (not during the Middle Kingdom of Egypt), there would most likely have been no writing at all yet. The Egyptian Book of the Dead in its earliest form (Ra-inspired First Kingdom) would have been wall carvings.

Okay, I think I got that out of my system now, so I can focus on the film itself. Thanks for your indulgence.

With all the sexual tension and implied scenes, there is no nudity, and little bloodletting. There are a couple of cool SFX of limb removals, and kudos for that (done digitally, I’m certain), but the scene where a head is removed looked good except for the edit in the film where it jumps slightly between the head being attached and the head being detached. Still, made me smile.

Shellie Ulrich and a dude

Most of the time, the writing is actually okay, but every once in a while, it totally works, such as after one of the bodies is found legless. The acting here is thin, but Ulrich comes out as the cream of the crop. She freaks out, but not in a cartoon or wooden way. By far the best actor in the batch. Actually, Song does pretty well, too. Among the worst? Well, Rai comes across as fake as her boobage, but shhhh, we won’t talk about that.

Come to think of it, I am wrong. The most wooden actor in the batch is the one who plays Set (Wilman Vergara Jr.), who performs like one of the extras in an Italian sword and sorcery film from the mid-60s. Over the top and yet emotionless all at the same time.

But let’s talk about the shell of the film. Considering most of the cast and some incredibly fakey looking painted brick walls, this is a pretty well shot feature, and for someone of Palenica’s age, experience, and tongue ball, she actually does pretty well in telling a story. A bit of text editing may have been helpful, but there are a few really fine moments of dialog that not only forward the story, but show some promise of things to come. Yeah, she needs to dump some of the cliché characters that are hard to like (the testosterone macho assholes for example), and the overt sexuality that doesn’t really lead to anything, but with the right guidance, Palenica could be quite good for the genre.

Director / actor Lisa Palenica

A large-ish central cast isn’t just blood fodder; it works better if the viewer has some connection or care for a character. And some of the tones just need some tweaking to help with that. I applaud that Palenica has a history of having porn actors do straight roles, and I applaud expanding niche acting to cover numerous genres.

The only extra is the trailer, below.

As time goes on, I get the feeling that Palenica may have a career. As well as editing, I would also like to humbly recommend she AD under a more seasoned director, even an indie genre one, and get another perspective. It could help her grow. For example, I know of a singer who wanted to play guitar, and the advice she received from a well-known, international musician, was to practice scales, and ask any guitarist she met on tour to show her one thing, and one thing only. By that means she has built up a series of moves that makes her a tremendous guitarist now. I’m thinking Palenica could use that from other directors to build upon. Then, hopefully… watch out!