Text © Richard Gary / Indie Horror Films, 2015
Images from the Internet
Slimy Little Bastards
Written and directed by Dave Parker
66 minutes, 2015
I’ve never met Dave Parker, haven’t
even had a real conversation with him online. However, I am still impressed by
his progress in the genre. He started out (and continues in this capacity) as a
video review vlogger under the name of MrParka (yes, one word, and worth
checking out). Then he started acting (e.g., Bath Salt Zombies [2013] and Headless
[2015]), and now he’s directed his first – er – filmella… so what do you
call a film that is longer than a “short” but shorter than a feature? I just
adopted the “novella” to film terms. No big whoop.
Anyway, for his first shot at fictional
directing (he also directed a documentary short), it only makes sense that (a)
it’s in the horror genre, and (b) he has people around him he’s been working
with for a while, such as director/actor/SFX maven/puppeteer Mills, and actors
Erin R. Ryan and Brandon Salkil. Wise move, m’man.
So, if you have watched hundreds of
indie horror films every year, seeing some of the best and the worst, and you
decided to hop on the wagon yourself, what would you decide to choose as your
topic? Cleverly, Parker chose the anthology.
 |
| Brandon Salkil |
First up is “Organic Shit,” about a
shy, hungry man (Jeremy Ryan) who doesn’t talk and moves very precisely
(autistic?). His apartment (I am going to assume its Parkers’ in real life as
it is filled with DVDs; it is used in all three stories), after coming back
from I’m presuming work, he has some strange green stuff coming out of his
drain. He contacts the maintenance man (Mills) with a very funny and fake
Russian?/Polish? accent. If you’ve seen the Blob, you may get some idea of the
germination of this story. However, even with a few actual jump scares, it ends
quite humorously (don’t worry, I won’t give it away), and definitely not how I
expected.
 |
| Erin R. Ryan |
The second tale is of the blue Jell-O,
called “Brain Busters.” Poor Sandy (the underrated Erin R. Ryan) is going
through a period of depression, thanks in part to a previous childhood bully (Salkil)
and guilt-inducing mother (Melinda Parker…Dave’s mom?). She is under the care
of a psychologist (Mills) who gives her an experimental psychotropic medication
to put in her ear. Of course, the effects are not what are expected.
While this story also has humor, it
is also a lot more dramatic and definitely more artistically shot than the
previous one. Usually, the way many anthologies work, is they put a decent one
to start, the weakest in the middle, and the best for last. Well, that’s not
true here, nearly completely because of Ryan (I am a self-admitted fan from her
previous work). She takes what could be a silly tale and turns it into an
emotional one on a level you might not expect. My analogy is she’s like someone
who takes a temp job and then just works the hell out of it and impresses
everyone.
Also, as I said, Parker shows some
bolder artistic moves, using stylish editing, some accurate casting and more
thoughtful storytelling in general, even with something as goofy as this
creature is, apparently.
 |
| Dave Parker (aka MrParka) |
“The Crusties” is the third and
longest piece. After meeting a crusty (pun intended) construction worker named
Walter (MrParka) who accidentally eats some green goop that somehow got on his
sandwich at a work site, we are introduced to a bunch of his friends, including
most of the cast (sans Erin) playing themselves; they all meet to play a game
of D&D (is that still a thing anymore?). There is a lot of scatological
humor in this episode, and the one about gas station nachos had me laughing
(and, bringing back specific, unpleasant memories). So while the guys are
playing the game, in walks Walter who immediate hits the water closet, and squirts out more of the green goo, which turn
into said juggalo Crusties creatures
bent on killing our out-of-their-league – er – heroes.
Okay, I’m going to come out and say
it, but please stick around. This story is stupid as shit (pun, again,
intended), but honestly, I believe it was supposed to be. What I mean is, generally,
you get to see some of the cast and crew having a blast together, and that
transmits out to the audience, if you’re open minded to it. I do believe if you’re
watching this, there is a good chance you’re in that fortunate frame of mind.
 |
| The Crusties |
Much of the gore in the film is seen pretty
often, albeit a bit cartoonish, with occasional bits being beautiful, such as
the ear gag in “The Crusties.” The make-up and slime in the wraparound were mostly by
Brandon’s (hey big guy, how youse doin’?!) spouse, Sherriah Salkil, also part
of the Mills merry collective, and the puppets were created by Jeremy Ryan, which are as fakey looking as possible. In fact, it is
to the point where I believe that it was supposed to be that way, for comic
effect, leaning towards the Plan 9 from
Outer Space (1959) level (e.g., the floating “Crustie”). If that’s so, I
consider that a success.
Making films can be like poetry or
masturbation: it should be done for oneself, but except in the case of the
latter, it’s one’s personal passion put out to the public. It’s important to
know about the source as much as it is for the source to understand their
audience. And this is definitely geared towards the Dustin Mills audience (and
beyond-yond-yond [if this was audio,
there would be an echo effect there]), especially since Mills has recently
delved into the darker side of the Torment
subgenre. This is a good way to reach The
Puppet Monster Massacre (2010) audience that may have been felt left
behind, but still like the Mills group.
Okay, I understand that Parker is not
Mills, but it’s essentially the same body with a different head. I’m sure Mills
was there helping along, and rightfully so… I would want someone with
experience in my corner; when Young
Frankenstein (1974) was created, for example, there were segments actually
directed by Gene Wilder under Mel Brooks’ direction, to prepare him for helming
The Adventure of Sherlock Holmes’ Smarter
Brother (1975). It’s all good.
Most of the cast is also most of the
crew, as is common in micro-budget filming (the cost is listed as $1000, and I’ll
bet most of that went to supplies for creating the puppets and gore, and largely
for the cast’s food), and for a first time out, Parker was in good hands. The
end result is something that is goofy, ridiculous, funny, and mostly an end
product to be proud of, in my opinion. I’m looking forward to your next
excursion, MrParka!
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