Review: Subferatu

Text © Richard Gary / Indie Horror Films, 2020

Images from the Internet

Subferatu

Directed by Patrick Penta

Pontius Films

88 minutes, 2020

www.facebook.com/subferatumovie/

I guess this is a new thing since Sharknado (2013), where words are combined in the title. Maybe the concept goes back to Bradgelina, I don’t know. There are lots of these identifiers, such as Tsumambee (2015), Sharkenstein (2016), and Clownado (2019; reviewed elsewhere on this blog). If you have not figured it out, the name of this film is Submarine (or in this case, U-Boat) + Nosferatu (vampire).

Thomas Nichols, Mike Dooly, and Claire Webber

Most of those films listed in the first paragraph are comedies, some quite broad. This release can be included in that category. The bad joke title card (which made me laugh) that opens up this film should be quite the indication, if the backwards Nazi flag (corrected in the third act) and cartoonish German accent (e.g., “Maybe ve should fire a tor-PEE-do at zem?”) does not scream that to you right away. Oh, goody, with all that is going on in the world right presently, this is, to paraphrase the words of Seth Meyers, what I need just now.

In the before-the-credits prologue, we meet the crew of a Dubya-Dubya-Deuce U-Boat (named U-666, of course) with a crew of sailors whose names include the likes of handsome communications officer Lt. Valentiner (the much underrated Michael Reed), the Head Officer, Herr Gluhwein (Robert Piddie), who's moniker translates to "Mulled Wine," and Lt. Bierficker (Nate Pringle), or "Beer Fucker." They go to rescue an old-time sailing ship that is adrift which is obviously The Demeter, infamous for being the bearer of Dracula's coffin in the Bram Stoker novel and most origin stories. We then see clips from the 1922 classic, Nosferatu (thank you, public domain) over the credits.

Michael Reed and Jonathan Dichter

Jump ahead to the present where we meet a mighty sailin’ man, the brilliantly named and perpetually stoned Capt. Gavin McCloud (Mike Dooly), who gives us a “Gilligan’s Island” internal moment to explain inconsistencies in the plot, while flashing back to the main story: a group on a three hour tour (of course) through the Bermuda Triangle, has a boat that founders. They get picked up mysteriously by the same U-Boat that has been untouched by time and the German crew insists it is the Spring of 1945; as the Captain says at one point, they have either gone back in time or the ship has gone forward. Speaking of which, we’re not even 10 minutes in at this point.

The modern-day people are the good-and-baked Captain, Kai Ribbonclerk (Chris Bender), Atticus (John Gardner), Roosevelt (Thomas Nichols) and the gown-wearing Scarlet (Claire Webber); for these four actors, this is their only IMDB listing, but it's important to note that they are award-winning stand-up comics from Seattle. Of course, the shipwrecked passengers are all Generation Z sarcastic and don’t really seem to be too shook up about the whole thing. Meanwhile, McCloud uses multiple World War-era slang insult terms for Germans during one scene, such as “jerry.” Cringeworthy and laughable at the same time.

Claire Webber

The Germans and the Americans have a very “Hogan’s Heroes” frenemies situation going on, sometimes getting along well and other times at odds, all with tongue firmly in cheek. Actually, the more I think of it, the more accurate the television show is to these characters, with a more modern twist.

Supposedly, the U-Boat is on its way to New York City to surrender, and to where Commander Braunschweiger (Martyn G. Krouse) professes desiring a Broadway future, but Gluhwein has a more sinister plan (think of him as this film's version of Burke from 1986's Aliens). I am sure it is no secret to say that the cargo is a deadly vampire, but rather than Dracula, it's femme fatale (literally) neck-biter Ellen (Chelsea Tolle), who is lunching on various members of the crew throughout. Being underseas, much like 30 Days of Night (2007), there is no direct sunlight. 

Robert Piddie

As a wise choice, the director uses the Jaws (1975) paradigm and only gives us glimpses of said nosferatu for quite a time, until it is the right moment. I like that. There is not a huge body count in the meanwhile, considering the limited cast, and no real blood to be seen, ironically, but this is story/comedy/dialog-based, so it works out well. It’s both silly and smart at the same time (an example is a great New York joke/reference at 68 minutes), which makes me respect it even more.

For an independent film, the set design is fantastic. Since the film crew were not allowed on the last of the existing U-Boats, they created a set modeled after it. Very impressive and appropriately claustrophobic. The acting is purposefully a bit over the top in John Lithgow sit-com style, though one of the cast is just completely flat and wooden (you’ll have to watch to see and I will not name names, but it’s pretty obvious from the first line spoken).

While there were a couple of bits here and there that could have been excised (such as a dinner scene with our hero Captain), this was a fun flick with some genuine laughs and lots of cultural buzzwords, so it pays to – err – pay attention to what’s being said; I was almost waiting for someone to say a variation of “Oh, Brewster, you are so cool!” And the fact that it is left open for a sequel makes me smile, and I look forward to getting to see that, if it is in the cards… or under the sea.