Review: Mermaid Isle

Text © Richard Gary / Indie Horror Films, 2020
Images from the Internet

 

Mermaid Isle
Directed by Jason Mills
Mills Pictures Studios; World Wide Multi Media (WWMM);
Sector 5; MVD Entertainment
70 minutes, 2020
www.chipbakerfilms.com
www.mvdb2b.com

I know, I know. Even before starting the film, it looks like there is a chance it is going to be stupid as all get-out. But I have a bit of faith, considering how much I enjoyed one of director Jason Mills’ earlier film, The Changing of Ben Moore (2015; reviewed HERE), which is saying a lot considering that one is in the found footage subgenre. 

Evil mermaids seem to be a bit trendy relatively recently, with shows like “Siren,” Killer Mermaid (2014) and The Mermaid’s Curse (2019), but the kind, female tail flopper from Splash (1984) and The Little Mermaid (1989) are long gone as washed-out tropes. These mermaids, as in The Odyssey, are up to no good.

Okay, starting the film now.

The set-up is simple though painful: four friends head off to a deserted island for fun and recreation. Annoyingly needy and insecure Toby (Mark Reinhardt) is in love with cute Amy (Kristina Soroff) and wants to use this getaway to ask her to marry him, but she’s not “there” yet as they started dating recently. Along for the ride is Toby’s bland pal Roy (Samuel Buchanan), and Amy’s goth friend Shelly (Kiana Passmore, who is also part of the film crew). If I may digress here for a second, why are goth characters in these kinds of films sooooo annoyingly bleak, sarcastic and downers? So stereotypical. I can’t even imagine Amy or any of them putting up with Shelly’s shitty ‘tude.

When Shelly is bitten by something (in clear, exceedingly shallow water, I might add), that’s when the trouble begins. The fact that it is Shelly that starts of the contagion train is no great emotional loss for the audience because she is so unlikeable as a character.

 

As they find shelter in a house owned by an older woman whose family was killed by said Merms, this evolves partially into a cabin in the woods genre film mixed with the likes of Cabin Fever (2002). Just about halfway through, and no sign of a mermaid yet. So far, it’s closer to …28 Days Later (2002) with Shelly getting a bit nippy. No Sisters of Mercy to help this gothaholic.

This group is not the sharpest stick in the woods. Bad horror film decisions are made left and right. They know to stay out of the water, so what do they do? Walk through the water. When their friend is hurt, do they head for the boat? Of course not. No sign of a cell phone from these 20-somethings? Hmmmm. If this is supposed to take place pre-phone era, then I missed that cue.

Transformation from human to mermaid is rare in story, though here we only get to see the before and after. And to keep the title accurate, it seems only women get bit and change, with males just getting off’d. So, I guess there are no interest in Mermen? And as a side note, are they air breathers that can hold their breath for a long time, or do they grow gills and live mainly under the water, because some of the off-screen, unseen kills are not in the water per se, especially in the epilogue that doesn’t really go anywhere. And how is the old woman’s son able to live on the island safely when everyone else who goes there gets disappeared?

 

Extras are only trailers. There are chapter breaks, but none indicated on the menu. Also, you cannot go forwards or backwards; you have to click on the previous chapter and wait. I wanted to check something in the end credits early on, and could only zoom to the beginning of the credits, and then hop back to wherever the chapter break was and wait until it caught up. Not very user friendly.

The biggest problem for me, beyond the weak acting is that the story is only about 30 minutes long, with the rest being atmospheric shots of trees and rain, or the beautiful landscape. The film could use some serious rewriting and video editing, such as the long, silent walk through the woods at the beginning could easily have been halved, if not more. Be it the opening music montage or someone’s hand being dragged for minutes on end, for example, all of that could have been excised and this could have been a pretty damn decent short. As it is, it’s not that much longer than an hour as it is, taking off the credits. It takes nearly 9 minutes for any of the characters to actually speak.

Do we really need to spend all that time with Toby standing confused at a literal crossroads? As a 30-minute release, this could have been a real tight story, but it takes too much time dealing with exposition and scenery, and unnecessary and distracting “mood,” that the film self-implodes and self-deflates.