Review: Texas Chainsaw Mascara

Text © Richard Gary / Indie Horror Films, 2023
Images from the Internet

Texas Chainsaw Mascara
Directed by Bill Zebub
Bill Zebub Productions; MVD Entertainment
73 minutes, 2022 / 2023
BillZebubproductions.com/
www.mvdvisuals.com

Man, it has been quite a while since I saw a film by Bill Zebub, an extremely prolific and profane filmmaker; the last release I reviewed of his was Pumpkin Man (the Ultimate Edition) in 2019. 

This clearly states on the cover, “This is not a parody!!!” Zebub is known for off-beat comedies, with films like Zombie Christ (2010), and Dickshark (2016); this film, however, is done as a horror drama.

Manic Panic multi-colored haired Danielle (Dani Bliss) and Andrew (Andrew L. Thomas) are vacationers a loooong way from home, somewhere in rural Texas (hence the film’s title), where they are out to find the house where Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974) took place. However, their car gives up the…transmission? They are traveling with Mike (Cheyenne Mobbs) and Bill (Aaron Marquez). Luckily (or not), they run into arm-sleeve local Heather (cute Heather Beck), and Andrew immediately starts insulting her (e.g., her use of the word “cuss” rather than “curse”; yeah, he’s that petty). You may have noticed that many of the characters in this film use the same name as the actors portraying them.

Anthony L. Thomas, Heather Beck

Heather takes them home to her hovel, (except Bill, who stays with the car) where they meet wheelchair bound Zombie (director Bill Zebub) and Piggy (Marc Pearce), who wears the head of a, well, you know. There is also Susan (Maya Waters), married to Zombie, who seems to be in control. However, with Mike telling Andrew some locker room talk and Andrew being a real dick to Susan (e.g., demanding bottled water rather than tap, and having an anti-Christian tee shirt), the Yankees get taken by the Southerners (who have no discernable accent).

An interesting aspect of this family of cannibals is they are not over-the-top nutsy (despite the pig head), such as the Sawyers or even the Fireflys (this film is influenced by Texas Chain Saw Massacre and 2003’s House of 1000 Corpses in its general storyline).

There is also a bit of cultural philosophy thrown around, especially between Susan and the New York crew, with the differences between them in the way they look at their own lives. It is a driver of the film, but not swamped in it. But it does give a nice psychological edge to go along with the violence. It should be noted that Zebub comes from – if I remember correctly – New Jersey, if that means anything to ya. It could be noted that both sides of these groups are making assumptions about the other. Deadly ones. Both sides are assholes, yet they are also empathetic at the same time, which is nicely done.

Maya Waters

Now, let us discuss some sex and violence: Nearly all the extreme violence is done off-camera (low budget necessity), but the post-gore looks really good, especially in the third act, of course. As for body parts, nearly all the women show underwear at some point, but only one gets nekkid (I will not say which); women in underwear is a Zebub trope. Needless to say, not a single piece of clothing is removed from the males. Make of it as you wish.

Yeah, most of the acting is a bit wooden, but again, you know what you are getting, and in this case, it is a decent story and some bloodshed. That works for me.

As with most films, this could have been edited down a bit, such as the “Gethsemane” moment of Bill’s, where he accepts what he must do after cursing out the powers that be; it lasts a bit too long, seemingly long enough for a ballad song to play out on the soundtrack. It is a decent tune, but the point is made half way through it.

The extras on the Blu-ray may not number much, but they are huge. In no particular order there is the Painful Meow video (5 min) of a song called “The Bubble Voyage.” Uh, yeah. Basically it is Zebub rhythmically talking over off-key synth (played by him) with animation that includes a dog floating though the air via a gum bubble, while a man with a pumpkin head and various animals dance around. It is a bit over my head.

There is also a series of shorts called “Gaylord” (26 min). Yeah, I am clueless on this, too. It is a bunch of bits strung together about some feminine gay themes. It is more annoying than anything else, honestly. They focus on said “Gaylord” (Brian Gelitz, a seemingly straight guy cartoonishly “acting” gay) who plays stereotypical. These feel more like either a blooper reel or “extra scenes” thing from around the filming of Dirtbags, but it is not connected to anything. Oy. I kinda gave up at 18 minutes. Personally, I would have liked to have seen some Zebub trailers, instead.

The big extra is a 119 minute 2023 re-cut of a 90-minute feature, Dirtbags (2002). Zebub has a history of rejigging his earlier films, such as one of my favorites, Worst Horror Film Ever Made: The Remake (2008). This is, however, the first time I am getting to see Dirtbags in any variation:

Basically, Dirtbags is a meandering story about three – er – dirtbags. There are drug dealers Bill (Bill Zebub), who is going to college to study Nursing, and George (George “The Slayer” Stiso), and their buyer Scott (Scott Tergeist). Scott is a bit of a ne’er-do-well who lives with his hyper Christian dad (Parker Weller).

The whole point of the film, it seems, is to see how offensive they all can get. The film is highly racist (including a blackfaced “Ebonics” speaker with bulging fake eyes, putting down Black history, and even the use of the word). Meanwhile, Scott frequently zones out and fantasizes about near-naked women dancing around or usually tied up with the camera zooming around their “bits,” sometimes while he takes himself in hand. Scott also keeps asking his father ridiculous questions about his faith (I am an Agnostic and can ask better questions than If God creates, and Jesus was born, how could he be the Son of God?, for example}. Then there is a homophobic depiction of an effeminate gym boss (Tom Cartier) hitting on his employee Andy (Carl Williamson), and coming on to Gaylord (Brian Gelitz).

Sybelle Silverphoenix

Bill has the hots for George’s sister, Anne (Bronx-born Hungarian model and Sean Weathers’ muse Sybelle Silverphoenix). There is also a random cameo by Peter Steele (d. 2010), the bassist of Type O Negative, in obvious inserts into the film, not that I have a problem with that.

It is pretty obvious that a lot of the dialogue is ad libbed around a planned story which, again, I find fine. I did find myself double-speeding the film on the parts with no dialogue. My favorite scene, however, concerned a pizza delivery guy. It is also fun when the film employs the music from “The Little Rascals”/”Our Gang.”

Bill Zebub, Silverphoenix

There is also an attempt at philosophy with the helps of a Dream Goddess (Suzi Lorraine).

For me, the important thing about including Dirtbags is seeing how much Zebub has grown as a film maker from 2002 to 2022. It is like going back and reading something you wrote as a teen after you have been writing for a while. It is also noteworthy on how the style of music included in his films have changed. In the early years, a lot of it was death metal (see Zebub’s documentary, Extreme Metal Retardation), whereas now it has more of an off-kilter melodic tone.

It is the main feature, Texas Chainsaw Mascara, that is the real find here.

IMDB listing HERE

Review: Pumpkin Man – The Ultimate Edition

Text © Richard Gary / Indie Horror Films, 2019
Images from the Internet

Pumpkin Man: The Ultimate Edition (aka Night of the Pumpkin)

Written and directed by Bill Zebub
Bill Zebub Productions / MVD Entertainment
90 minutes, 2010 / 2019
www.billzebub.com
www.mvdb2b.com                                               

It’s rare to find someone who is so auteur that they end up creating a subgenre all their own. Director Bill Zebub is one of them. I don’t know if he came into the indie biz out of sarcasm/greed (as he describes in one of his earliest films, Assmonster), but his prolific output has proven that he’s up for the task, if the viewer is up for whatever comes their way.

Sure, that sounds like an insult, but that is not how it is meant, at all. I have a lot of respect for Zebub and his empire of films with titles like Jesus: The Total Douchebag, or Santa Claus: Serial Rapist. They tend to be obnoxiously silly, shot with a devil-may-care attitude (such as the boom mic and its shadow peeking out the top of the frame), and oft times head scratch-worthy, but they will entertain for certain if you’re willing. I am.

There are some constants in Bill’s films, such as:

·       Bill himself being one of the main characters (though here he takes more of a second billing – pun not intended – for the first time I’ve seen), and he will probably wear a Viking hat at some point

·       some scenes will be shot in the woods of New Jersey

·       Christianity will be questioned

·       the acting will vary all over the map; and

·       there will be a lot of nudity and blood.



Shoshana McCallum, Chelsea O'Toole, Pumpkin Dude, Kellyn Lindsay

This film was originally released in 2010 as Night of the Pumpkin, but is now getting a rerelease under a new title and reediting, and lots of extras, which I will delve into later. We meet a bunch of friends (and frenemies) who are meeting for a gathering (a fun conversation ensues between whether it’s a party or a get-together). The three main leads are Jen (Shoshana McCallum), religious fanatic Elizabeth (Chelsea O’Toole) and intellectual atheist Elyse (lovely Kellyn Lindsay). Oh, and Bill (Zebub) is Jen’s annoying boyfriend.

A mysterious Pumpkin Man that has vines that can move independently to snare people has been showing up and killing. There is some talk of a legend, but I’m still unclear about the origin of the creature. Nevertheless, it’s pretty cool looking for a micro-budget film. It chases our crew (and additional body count fodder) into each other’s houses and, as I indicated, the New Jersey woods (perhaps related to the New Jersey Devil?). It’s obviously a guy in a bulky costume, but I’ve seen a whole lot worse that cost a whole lot more. Zebub, who created the mask, did a decent job of the Pumpkin Man that makes it easily identifiable when compared to imitations (in the film, not real life… duh).

As with other four or five Zebub films I’ve seen, this is silly stuff that ends up being bigger than itself, becoming something so over the top that it becomes enjoyable. Yeah, he seems to be fixated on rapes and evil stuff like that, even when it’s Jesus, Santa or a big invisible pumpkin in this case, and I’m still not comfortable with it. At least in films like Ms. 45 (1981) and I Spit on Your Grave/Day of the Woman (1978), there is some revenge and comeuppance. Here it’s just for gratuitous viewing, and that drives me a bit nuts (I once got into an argument with the screenwriter of Street Trash over the unnecessary rape scene when the film first came out in 1987).

There are quite a few extras on the newly released Ultimate Edition, starting with a 49:27 minute “Blooper Reel,” which is really more of a Behind the Shooting Scenes collection. It’s interesting to see how Zebub sets up his shots. At 8:10 is “Cast Interview” where Zebub questions mostly O’Toole and Lindsay on the beach during the last day of shooting (for the opening credits).

From 2008 is the “Director and Slideshow” (22:44) which is really interesting as Zebub fills in just about every plot hole including origins and omissions. The first 8 minutes is the talking, and the rest is the slideshow over death metal music. “Director (New Speech)” is 8:25 and Zebub discusses his own disappointment of the initial release and what led up to the reediting the newest “Ultimate” one. Again, a good monologue. The “Deleted Scenes” is short and sweet at 3:53; this was understandably taken out, but there are a couple of really funny lines in there worth viewing. The last are a batch of Zebub trailers: definitely watch these.

Zebub is self-depreciating about his own films, but I like to think of them as earnest, and the fun the cast seems to be having emanates through the action onscreen, which translates into fun. Again, if you’re one of those who expect blockbuster film-level budget action, you are so lost here, but if you’re like me and can respect the work and effort of the entire project, well, uncap a beer and prepare yourself to a worthwhile experience in WTF World.

 

Reviews: Zombie Twosome – Aaah! Zombies!!; ZombieChrist

Text © Richard Gary / Indie Horror Films, 2018
Images from the Internet

Aaah! Zombies!! (aka Wasting Away)
Directed by Mattahew Kohnen
Level 33 Entertainment / Wasted Pictures
90 minutes, 2007 / 2010
www.Level33entertainment.com
www.MVDvisual.com

Zombie comedies are not new. They go back at least as far as Bob Hope’s The Ghost Breakers in 1940; but that’s voodoo kind. For the modern take, there are, for example, Shaun of the Dead (2004), C.H.U.D. II: Bud the C.H.U.D. (1989, which had zilch to do with C.H.U.D.), and Return of the Living Dead II (1988). And now…

Actually, this is sort of a zombified zombie tale. It was originally released in 2007 as Wasting Away, and was resurrected from the dead shelf as Aaah! Zombies!!. Considering the number of indie awards it has won at horror film festivals, I’m surprised it isn’t better known.

Most zombie comedies are dead on arrival (sorry), but this one actually had me laughing at more than a few moments. Though there are holes here and there (including in a number of bodies), generally this is a well thought out, written, and acted film.

The basic premise is borrowed from some of the other films, such as C.H.U.D. II’s premise of trying to build the super-solider, and Return of the Living Dead II’s errant barrels of toxic waste accidently being ingested. Even with that, the level of originality here is enough to more than bolster the plot.

There’s four friends (not sure if they’re supposed to be teens or young twenties), three of whom work in a bowling alley, and their ever-hungry-for-weird-food friend who hangs around with them. They all have a bit of slacker in them, in varying ranges. After managing to ingest some of the toxic green goo via a beer and soft ice cream concoction, they are off after they’re offed.

Here’s where the originality kicks in full strength: part of the film is in black and white (except for the green stuff), which indicates everyday life and how everybody else sees the typical George Romeo slow-moving, groaning creatures. But then there are the parts in color, which is how the zombies see us and each other, that is to say, normally. To them, they feel, talk, and walk normal, but others see them as drooling cadaverous beings. The image flips back and forth, with people seeing decaying corpses walking around in B&W, and they’re just living their lives while being totally incomprehensible to only themselves (and any others infected).

It’s taken a step further, which I believe is quite smart: zombies are slow and lumbering, and can’t be understood, so it is put into play that uninfected people are shot in fast-motion, indicating normal brain function instead of the slower creatures, so the zombies can’t understand them, and they can’t understand the zombies – with the exception of drunks, who can both be understood and make out what is being said, as alcohol slows the brain, or zombies who drink enough coffee to speed them up can communicate with the uninfected.

The zombies are strong (unlike Romero’s) if not fast, so they find themselves killing uninfecteds in self-defense, or just doing a “Lennie Small” and not realizing how strong they actually are. Please note that two brains get eaten, but in the least gory (though definitely yecky) ways. In fact, there really isn’t a whole lot of gore, though there is some blood (mostly on clothing).

Obviously, the goo is doing something to their brains, because they don’t really seem to get upset when a body part is disconnected, or when relatives perish; though they do seem to care about each other, which is touching.

The cast is good, filled with professional actors who seem to be doing a lot of work on television shows as regulars and guest appearances on the "Law and Order" types, for example. One of the four leads is Betsy Beutler, who played Katie on "Scrubs," Joanie on "The Black Donnellys," and Son of Sam victim Stacy Moskowitz (someone I actually knew) in the series "The Bronx is Burning." Here she plays perky very well, in a sort of cheerleader kind of way, while working the hell out of her very expressive facial muscles. Her boy-next-door-potential-boyfriend is portrayed by Michael Grant Terry, who portrayed Wendell on "Bones." His goofiness comes across as charming rather than annoying, a fine line that is appreciated, and he makes a good pair with Beutler.

Julianna Robinson plays the other female lead, a more cynical, ambitious type who is hoping to get out of the local slacker scene. Having also appeared as the reporter in a bunch of McBride telefilms, she depicts snarky well, again without losing any of the character’s likeability. Her foil is embodied by Matthew Davis, who has had a successful recent career as Josh in "Damages" and Alaric in "The Vampire Diaries." His character is the type who is usually played by the Ryan Reynolds or Jack Black ilk of actor, being the charming adult child who rises to the occasion when needed, and uses the word "awesome" way too much. As with the rest of the foursome, he remains charming throughout, and comes across with some solid laughs. Also, he garners the most CGI effects.

There are a couple of well-known character actors here that if you don’t recognize the name, you certainly would the face. A hard-edged solider who guides the two couples through what is happening to them (albeit misinformed), is a turn done well, if a little over the top, by Colby French; he was Hank on the first season of "Heroes." An evil general is done to a turn by Richard Riehle. He has over 230 credits in both television and films (as of this writing, 11 are in post-production), such as Walt on "Grounded For Life," along with semi-regular roles in a number of "Star Trek" spin-offs. Last of note, is one of my favorite underrated character actors who has a cameo, Tracy Walter, a man from New Jersey who almost always plays redneck southerners. Though he has over 150 credits, including Angel in "Nash Bridges," for me some of his special work was in the “Mummy Daddy” episode of "Amazing Stories," the philosopher of Repo Man (1984, who give the best speech – about UFOs – while burning clothes), and though I thought the series was only fair, I still think of as “Frog” in "Best of the West." But I’m digressing here, because I'm a fan.

Anyway, this is a straight-out funny flick, and I’m happy to recommend this for Saturday movie night. It’s got balls; bowling balls, that is, and it’s a strike!

Zombie Christ
Directed by Bill Zebub
Bill Zebub Productions
90 minutes, 2010
www.Billzebub.com
www.MVDvisual.com

In part, what makes the shot-on-video Zombie Christ interesting is not just their own descriptor of “The Most Blasphemous Story Ever Told,” but the sheer audacity and goofiness of it.

Perhaps it is because I am not a Christian that I am not riled by this, but neither am I a Death Metal fan, as obviously is the cleverly named director Bill Zebub. His film credits include the documentaries Death Metal: Are We Watching You Die, Metal Retardation, Black Metal: The Documentary, and the fictional Metalheads: The Good, the Bad, and the Evil, Assmonster: The Making of a Horror Movie, The Worst Horror Movie Ever Made, and the equally noxiously named Jesus Christ: Serial Rapist (many of these trailers – and more – appear on this DVD as bonuses).

For the purposes of this film, Jesus is resurrected by some Druids (before the film starts) and he (I will use the smaller case “he” for this review) is looking for his descendants via Mary Magdalene, who had two of his children according to this plot. The term zombie here is used more classically as the walking dead rather than the modern flesh-eating ghouls. Zombie Jesus eats the souls of the (nearly exclusively naked) women of his bloodline.

What is disturbing is the way women are victimized throughout (though men are brutalized as well, but on a lesser scale). It seems everyone is heavily inked, metaled up (even Jesus as he appears in his own lifetime has a lip ball); however, the women are quite young and beautiful (and in at least one case, the actress seems stoned out of her mind), but the men are middle aged, oftentimes bald with scraggly facial hair, and well, lets just say could use to shed a few (without meaning this as body shaming).

This is part of why I stated that there are actually some amusing aspects of this purposefully offensive release. First of all, Zombie Jesus is a skeletal puppet with some meaty bits pasted on and a crown of thorns. There is no point where the skeleton moves in a natural way (i.e., no CGI or pixilation used), and the one special effect when he “walks” on water, the blue screen (green screen?) effect is laughable and out of scale. As the skeleton uses a chicken leg to perform a sex act, or his bony finger, if one can get past the screaming misogyny and “sacrilege,” it’s pretty damn droll in its own way.

There are also some noticeable question marks for me, such as a nun in full habit (at first) who is wearing moth-shaped designer underwear, black leather heels, and sporting a Brazilian wax. Also there are other plot holes, such as the role of the hero: who is he in relation to the story, and how did he get a list of who is in the bloodline? And the ending, well, it’s just ridiculous, but no more than anything else, so if you’ve put up a large enough suspension of disbelief to reach that point, it won’t matter. I laughed at parts.

One would think this film preaches Satanism; I’m not sure what Bill Zebub actually believes, despite his nom de cinema, but the message here is certainly questioning the Judeo-Christian belief system, claiming Christianity was created by the Romans (which seems unlikely to me as they persecuted the followers so harshly, as the Church would do in return unto others through the centuries), and that the story of Jesus is actually a retelling of the Dionysus myth (this is explained in detail, step-by-step, throughout the film by the male protagonist.

Now comes the dilemma… to recommend or not. Well, while I enjoyed some aspects of it for what it was, it was a bit too much in the W.A.V.E.-style S&M cinema for me (and no sign of Tina Krause) to really say a general “go see it.” It’s all up to you, now.

[Note that this film is not to be confused with another zombie Jesus film called THE Zombie Christ]

These reviews originally published in FFanzeen.blogspot.com

Review: Extreme Metal Retardation

Text © Richard Gary / Indie Horror Films, 2015
Images from the Internet

Extreme Metal Retardation

Directed by Bill Zebub
Bill Zebub Productions
120 minutes, 2009 / 2012
www.billzubub.com
www.mvdvisual.com

When he isn’t making comedy/horror films like The Worst Horror Film Ever Made: The Re-Make (2008) and ZombieChrist (2010), New Jersey-based director Bill Zebub makes metal-related documentaries.

Now, his docs are not your typical talking heads’ “What got you into metal?” kind of deal, his questions are from left field and catch the bands off guard, even though they obviously know him from past experiences.

One of the more interesting aspects of this is trying to guess whether the bands are going to get really pissed off at the audacity, or laugh really hard at the moxy. To me, which side the band falls on tells a lot. If you’ve seen any of Zebub’s large canon of work, both fiction and non-, he is an instigator. He likes to get a rise out his audience, but also from whomever he’s talking to at that moment, including his cast and crew. Well, that he uses the word “retardation” in the title shows he is a gladiator against what he deems as PC, which also includes words that are both gender and racially sensitive, and bandy them around. Y’gotta love him or hate him for that.

The original Metal Retardation was first released in 2009, and there have been four in total now. So, I’m going to admit right at the onset that I don’t know crap about death metal or its cousins. I’m first wave punk, and the closest I come is liking bands like Adrenolin OD (saw them play a couple of times in the ‘80s), Chesty Malone and the Slice ‘Em Ups (saw them a few times, too, but more recently) and arguably the Ramones (who I probably saw easily more than a dozen times between 1975 and 1980. So how will I approach this DVD? Well, sort of the same way I handle going to professional sports games, which I apparently know more about through cultural osmosis than enjoy following any particular team. I’ll be looking at it for the surroundings, the tone, the personalities, and how it all falls together.

The joyfully lopsided ride begins with an extended interview with drummer Fenriz, of Darkthrone. It takes place at 2:30 AM when both he and the interviewer are drunk. It’s a fun, rambling mess. I did laugh when he put on some vinyl of “Rock’n’Roll Gas Station.”

There are many bands interviewed here, such as Alestorm, Arch Enemy, Arkona, Borgir, Dimmu, Enslaved, Ensiferum, Enthroned, Huntress, King Diamond, Kreator, Primordial, Septic Flesh, Tyr, and Voivod.

The humor level definitely runs from deft to daft. For example of the former, after someone asks Voivod about their influences, Bill interrupts and asks the band, “How original are questions about your influences?” As for the latter, he asks Sharlee D’Angelo of Arch Enemy, “How important is penis size to a Scandinavian?” In the first case, the band found the question very enjoyable with a knowing laugh, with the second, he seemed kind of confused.

Bebub is helped along the way by a few interviewers such as Layla (if I got the name correct), a metal fan who usually asks some decent questions along the way, but is not afraid to put her own sense in, or to ask questions that has some bands scratching their heads (e.g., about pirates). She is a good yin to Bill’s yang as he handles the camera, because his questions are totally out there, such as asking what someone will wear for Halloween, or inquiring Jill Janus of Huntress if she was ever a man; another good example is when he asks D’Angelo if he’s ever been known to say “I love my Good & Plenty?” What makes ridiculous questions like these so interesting is (a) odds are these bands who have had multiple interviews have never been asked these questions before so do not have set answers, and (b) it completely catches them off-guard, even when they don’t understand the question (for example, the answer to the Good & Plenty one was an honest, “I don’t know; have I?”). D’Angelo says it best when he refers to these innately inane questions as “Zebubisms.”

Though some from the US and Canada, most of the bands interviewed are from Europe, such as Greece, Germany and Russia; most of them, however, are from the Scandinavian Bloc, arguably the epicenter of  Black Metal. Sometimes, because of that, part of the joy of this pure silliness is sometimes there is a language barrier, but the questions are just so out there, that even with that, the band members seem to be having a genuinely good time, and that tends to flow over to the other side of the screen to the viewer.

For the observer watching this, it’s important to have a bit of a thick skin because it seems like Zebub's whole existence, be it in his documentaries to his fiction-based films, is to get a rise out of, well, everyone. This is part of why I have said more than once that I’m guessing he is either a gas to hang out with or a complete asshole (perhaps both). Questions are often in complete bad taste, such as calling something “gay,” referencing swastikas (not the ideology behind it, though), or inviting bands to smack Layla.

It’s a lot of fun, and to take it from another perspective, it would have been easy to have made this all about Zebub in a reign of Zebub, but even though the queries are completely ludicrous, the film still mostly manages to make this about the band’s reactions more than about Zebub’s questions. I’m kinda relieved about that. It also makes for a much more interesting documentary. Sure, he’s part of it rather than impartial (though, of course, there really isn’t anything as objective, no matter what the Ayn Randites believe), but he doesn’t dominate (okay, he occasionally does); he’s more the moat around the medieval castle.

Mixed in with all the interviews is music by many of the bands represented here. Some are live and some are professionally shot band videos. What I especially appreciate is that most are them are complete, rather than just snippets. The one thing I did find a bit disappointing was the lack of credits for the nearly half dozen interviewing personnel in the main feature. .

The extras are an additional, 37-minute single-camera interview with King Diamond of the band – er – King Diamond, and a complete film, reviewed directly below.

Am I converted metal fan after watching nearly 4 hours of the feature and both the extras? No, and yet I still enjoyed the package.

Metalheads: The Good, the Bad and the Evil

70 minutes, 2008
As always, Bill Zebub plays Bill. He’s kind of a one note actor that way, but on the other hand, he plays himself well, probably because he’s playing himself (or some version of it).I’m trying to say this actually in a positive way. He’s kind of a man-child, as if he were mentally stuck at age 15: horny, daring, and obnoxious as all get out.

His girlfriend, Elaine (Emily Thomas) is both charming and abrasive at the same time. A scene where she has taken some acid and is completely paranoid is (or should be) a classic. On the other hand, she’s is nagging Bill because he is perpetually jobless and doesn’t have a car to take her out, or to go on dates. On the third hand, I kinda agree with her; both parties should try being self-sufficient in a relationship.

Bill wants Elaine to marry him; however, tired of Bill’s attitude (and supposed small genitalia, a running joke [?] through his films), Ellaine first hits on Bill’s bestie, Rich (Tom Goodwin). This opens a possible floodgate for her, Meanwhile, Bill has started to hang out with a tough guy with a brilliant New Jersey accent (Carl Williamson, credited only as “”Evil Metalhead”), who is violent, super macho, and thinks being a bully is being a man (I grew up with the disco versions these kinds of guys in my neighborhood of Bensonhurst). In an uncomfortable scene, he gets an underage girl (though the actress, Kathy Rice, is not) drunk and de-virginizes her off-screen. There are lots of scenes of nudity and masturbation by various characters, but not any detailed onscreen sex.

While most of the dialog seemed ad libbed, it was pretty funny and scripted. For example, during a fight with Elaine, Bill yells, “I’m gonna have a girlfriend who doesn’t listen to KISS, like you do, because the only time a metal band should have the word baby in a song is if it’s about killing babies.” Later, the bad dude tries to egg Bill on with, “You’re living with the volume turned down. I’m gonna show you how to crank it up.”

Despite the comedy level of most of the film, it does not end on an upbeat, so be warned. Still worth watching if you’re into a micro-budget, metal focused story.

 

 

Unrelated, bonus video:

 

Review: Indie Director: The Director’s Cut

Text © Richard Gary/Indie Horror Films, 2014
Images from the Internet

                            

Indie Director: The Director’s Cut

Directed by Bill Zebub                 
Bill Zebub Productions                   
142 minutes, 2013  
www.billzebub.com
www.facebook.com/billzebubproductions   
www.MVDvisual.com

“Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.” – Mel Brooks

It’s been a while since I saw a Bill Zebub release, and I’m happy to have the opportunity to do so again.

To me, Zebub is sort of the modern Ed Wood. Now, now, don’t be mean, I’m serious. His output is meagerly acted, slimly written, doesn’t always make sense, the director is often the lead, and is almost always a hoot. Like Wood, Zebub does it for the joy it brings him, as well as a career.

In one of his early features, Assmonster: The Making of a Horror Film (2007), he uses the story to explain why he got into the indie horror industry; e.g., films sell at conventions for large mark-up, and you get to see and touch lots of naked women while you film them. Also like Ed, Bill looks at the dark side of life, sometimes by mocking it. It is not easy sticking to a conviction, but over the years Zebub has become one of the leading Jersey indie film auteurs.

Like Assmonster, this is sort of an autobiographical tale with Zebub playing himself after having made a number of films (which are mentioned – ergo promoted – frequently). You could arguably say this is actually a sequel in the sense of that British film that looks at some people every seven years.

While the storyline is written, I’m willing to bet that much of the incidents involved, such as distributors balking at some of his titles, which include the likes of Jesus the Total Douchebag, Jesus the Daughter of God, ZombieChrist and The Worst Horror Film Ever Made: The Sequel (actually, the latter is one of my Zebub faves). 

I’m not bothered by the anti-religion tone, the death metal music, the sheer amount of nudity, but there is the frequent – and I mean a lot – of homophobic comments that are used as humor, such as Zebub describing the difference between “jazz hands” and “gay fingers” (aka air quotes). Any time he wants to insult a man, he calls him gay. This part I’m not impressed. That being said, as I once stated, I’m not really sure if hanging out with Bill Zebub socially would be totally cool, or totally tool (yes, I used that as a verb…wanna make somptin’ of it?). If he is like he is in his films, well, I don’t know if I’d want to have a beer with him because he really does come across as an asshole (rather than assmonster).

There is also some “humor” talk about rape and domination. Again, I don’t mind film violence. Hey, pull someone’s arm out of a socket; stick a cleaver up somebody’s face; tie someone to two bound trees and then let them go…all good. But unless there is a revenge story on the other side (e.g., I Spit on Your Grave), or a point to it in the story, I find it hard when it’s a comedy, even if the rapist is Jesus (a common Zebub theme). To give you an example, the work title of the meta-project he is making is called Raped by a Rapist.

To be somewhat fair, he addresses this here. After a film of his is banned by “PayFriend,” he exasperatedly says to a pal, “I made a career out of doing everything wrong. Nobody else has blasphemy. Nobody else has racial humor. Nobody else depicts rape in movies, not even as a joke. I do things everybody else is afraid to do. … I wanted to test boundaries. ...The real balls are depicting the sexual sadist onscreen.” Despite finding it despicable, I also understand what he is saying. “Roughies” have a history in cinema, even dating back to James Cagney pushing a grapefruit half into Mae Clark’s face in The Public Enemy in 1931. There used to be an entire catalog of these kinds of films on a brand called W.A.V.E., in which some of today’s scream queens came to relative prominence such as the lovely Tina Krause.

Okay, enough with the moralizing and justifying. Let’s get back to the film, eh wot? Though quite pointed, this is still a comedy. Much of it relies on two things: one is an actor trying to keep up with Bill’s verbal bullshit and/or ad libbing, and the other is some of the stuff Bill says. Despite a number of repeated jokes (“See you later, crocodile” and jumping when his phone rings, for example), some of his word play is quite witty in that 12-year-old mentality; my favorite is when he says almost as a throwaway line, “I know you’re a methadone actress…” I wonder how many viewers actually caught that.

Unlike some of his other releases, there is no gore make-up and no laughable digi SFX (love the zomb-bees in an earlier film, or Jesus flying through the air still nailed to the cross). This is mostly set pieces of action, inaction (e.g., two guys talking while sitting on a couch), and any excuse to throw in some nekkid bodies, such as the bodacious Angelina Leigh, playing Zebub’s girlfriend, who we see the most – and most of – including on the throne (though her reading of putting that tail on words, like “I know-wah... It’s fine-nah” started to get to me by the end).

Ah, yes, let’s talk about Zebub’s women. As is common in one of his shoots, just about no women will be seen unless at some point they are not wearing a G-string (there is only one here). They range from very cute (such as the slim, braces-baring Sheri Medulla) to the big boobed and thick thighed. While not all stunning, he does have a wide range of body types, which I respect. However, one thing that is somewhat consistent (though not completely) is skin art. Most have multiple tattoos, including the very colorful ones of Stephanie Anders, who has a great one on her side that looks like her ribs are sticking through. Another actor has one of the worst tats I’ve ever seen. Seriously.

Getting away from all political comments about what is appropriate and what is not, the main weakness of this film is its length. There are too many scenes that could have been severely cut down which would have not made a hoot of difference to the story, such as Anders’ (purposefully) confused reading of what Bill was trying to say, or the scene where Bill is trying to film an actress, Svetlana (played by Clover St. Claire), who is completely distracted.

On the other hand, despite all the nonsense, if you pay attention to what is being said rather than how it is presented, this is actually quite a detailed primer on how (and how not) to not only make a micro-budget film, but how to deal with distributors, what to be careful of when it comes to picking financing and distribution, how not to get sucked into your own ego, along with some of the pitfalls of just everyday shooting and dealing with a cast who are more interested in their own promotion than the actual part. Amazingly, Zebub is the nutzoid voice of reason here. His nearly 10 years of experience of dealing with all these issues and frustrations are pure gold information for those wanting to follow the indie horror film path.

Just as a side note that has nuthin’ t’do wid nuthin’, I’m pleased there is an explanation as to why Zebub’s name is listed twice on the credits on the box. Plus, it’s cool that there is a death metal lesson at the end during the credits, as Bill Zebub has also directed some documentaries about the musical subgenre, such as Extreme Metal Retardation.

There are some jump cuts, but there is also some fine editing, including a nice slice between two actors saying the same words (“calm/down”).  Part of this was filmed at a horror convention, possibly the Chiller Theatre in NJ, I don’t know. There are shots of crowds in costumes, women doing hula hoops, creature feature miniature models, and I had a good smile when there’s a brief shot of the antichrist killer bunny puppet from Dustin Mills’ Easter Casket! 

There are a few extras, including bloopers and deleted scenes reel, each about 20 minutes long, and a bunch of Zebub’s trailers.