Review: Condor’s Nest

Text © Richard Gary / Indie Horror Films, 2023
Images from the Internet

Condor’s Nest
Directed by Phil Battenberger
MBG Films; Lost Galleon Films; Icon Film Distribution;
Voltage Pictures; Strike Media
102 minutes; 2023
www.facebook.com/condorsnestmovie/  
www.Strike-Media.com

German Nazis (as opposed to those who marched in Charlottesville and stormed the Capitol on January 6, 2021) living in South America have long been a trope…well, at least since the end of World War II, anyway. It has come up in the likes of the book The Boys from Brazil (1976) by Ira Levin and the film that followed (1978), and a particularly gruesome pilot episode from the anthology show, “Night Gallery” (1969) called “Escape Route.”

To give a bit of a background, in the real world, the German Condor Legion was a mostly-air force unit of Nazis who fought in the Spanish Civil War in the mid-1930s (thank you Wikipedia). While this has no relation to this particular film, which was filmed in Greensboro, NC, it explains from where the name originated.

Jacob Keohane

Basically, this is an action revenge film. As the trailer shows, in the extended prologue, an American war plane shot down in hostile territory, runs into a group of classic ruthless Nazis, led by SS Colonel Bach (Arnold Vosloo, who played the title character in 1999’s The Mummy and its 2001 sequel, The Mummy Returns). He brutally has the US crew killed, mostly by his own gun, with a lone survivor,

The main crux of the story takes place in various locales in South America, including Argentina and Paraguay, ten years after the events in the prologue, as the sole survivor plane crash, Will Spaulding (Jacob Keohane) is on a one-man revenge mission to kidnap, torture, and kill as many escaped Nazis as he can find while searching for Bach.

Arnold Vosloo

On a psychological and socio-political level, he is so full of anger and thirsty for revenge, he does not realize that he has become what he is hunting, on some level. He is so compromised that he is willing to lie to save a Nazi, Albert Vogel (Al Pagano), from justice to gain information on his target, but cannot see the paradox. He is blinded by his hatred.

When he and Vogel joins forces with Israeli spy Leyna Rahn (Corinne Britti) who wants to bring atomic scientist Vogel to Jerusalem to hang, the search heats up. It also does not help that even the Germans are trying to kill Vogel before he gets to Russia, led by the vicious Fritz Ziegler (Jackson Rathbone, who was Jasper in the Twilight “saga”).

Corinne Britti

Various enemies become compadres is a well-used trope and this uses it multiple times. There is double cross after double cross throughout the story, as Will sets to get Bach, who is hanging out with Heinrich Himmler (James Urbaniak, who played Robert Crumb in 2003’s American Splendor) in said Condor’s Nest, which obviously takes up Act 3 (you do not need a fortune teller or psychic to know this, or even a spoiler notice, as it is in the damn title, fer chrissake).

Held up in the Condor’s Nest (a really nice chateau) is an elite bunch of head Nazi’s planning the Fourth Reich, led by Himmler. Actually, the historical Himmler supposedly died in Europe and never made it to South America, but it works for the story, so why not, right? I mean, they said the same about Adolf, and he was “killed” in Inglorious Basterds (2009); poetic license is a beautiful thing.

Al Pagano

There is the high-action conclusion that is reminiscent of a Rambo film, or something with Schwarzenegger, or perhaps out of The Dirty Dozen (1967), a film I thoroughly enjoyed as a young’n. The film is full of violence, especially gunfire, but surprisingly very little blood nor, it seems, South American characters.

What it does have, however, is lots of cameos that include Jorge Garcia (who will always be remembered for “Lost”) as a bartender, Michael Ironside (1981’s Scanners, 1997s Starship Troopers, and so many great others), and Bruce Davison (1971’s Willard and the X-Men franchise). Even Vosloo’s role can be considered one, though he is one of the main foci of the storyline.

Bruce Davison (right)

Many social and political issues are brought up, such as a hatred for Jews, and the effects of revenge on both the revenger and the revengee, with the border between them a gray area (yes, they even use the cliché – and I’m paraphrasing – “We’re not so different, you and me”). Along with the action, this look at a culture of hatred, especially in the present political times, is also well handled. There is also a nice touch of Germanic mysticism and eugenics.

The scenery is stunning, from impoverished surroundings and historic buildings, to natural wonders likes rivers and forests. Even Peru’s Machu Picchu makes a brief appearance.

The actors are all on their A game, though Davison seems almost uncomfortable wearing the swastika armband, which I respect. I have to admit, I would have loved to hear him yell, “Tear ‘em up!” even if it was in German.

As for the director, Phil Battenberger specializes in war films, from the Civil War (the upcoming Without Consequence through Vietnam (Point Man in 2018). He handles conflict in interesting ways that makes the story compelling here, and keeps the interest without being over the top.

Condor’s Nest is available on iTunes, Amazon Prime, Google Play, Microsoft Store, Rakuten TV and Sky Store, and on disc in April.

IMDB listing HERE

Review: Guts on the Chainsaw

Text © Richard Gary / Indie Horror Films, 2023
Images from the Internet

Guts on the Chainsaw
Directed by Ryan Cavalline
Legend Hunters Films
80 minutes, 2023
https://legendhuntersfilms.com/

“The hills are alive, with the sounds of shotguns…” as it once said in a Mad Magazine spoof, I believe. This is a case of genres-in-a-blender, but I will get more into that later.

Nova (Nikki Carlson) is a woman who is cleaning out from substance abuse after an earlier trauma, looking for a purpose to her life, and trying to escape from recurring nightmares that reflect the ending of The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974), with a chainsaw wielding man in a flesh mask (I do believe the mask was also used in Cavalline’s 2021 film Myths & Mutants), chasing her down a country road, swinging the ‘saw around wildly. This is an icon moment that’s repeated as much as vampires rising stiffly from a coffin, a la Nosferatu (1922).

So, what does Nova do, to help refocus her life? Take a multiple days-long solo walk around Beaver Run Dam’s forest area in the Delaware State Forest in Eastern Pennsylvania, a place she is not even familiar, and cannot read a map, naturally. And why is she roving around the woods sometimes without following trails, just randomly roaming? Oy. Even in reality, I would never, ever do that. Stick to the trails only (and stay off the moors…sorry, I was distracted…). Please note, I don’t mean this in a sexist way, I don’t think anyone should be traipsing around the deep woods by themselves, especially off trail. It is good for there to be at least two people in case something happens, such as an accident.

Nikki Carlson

As she walks, one can feel the backwoods inbred cannibals being just around the corner, even though there is no indication of it other than the dream. I do not think I am revealing anything, honestly, given the name of the film, the location, and the dream. Anyone with even a low level experience with these types of films can almost smell it. Now, to be clear, I am not in any way complaining. I honestly like these kinds of films.

Getting off my soapbox now, even pretty early on there are some nice murders by, yes, silent masked killers, such as a farm couple (the woman has amazing hair), though I wonder why their german shepherd did not come to their rescue. He just sort of vanishes (i.e., s/he’s not killed, for those who hate that sort of thing).

Intercut (no pun intended) into the story every so often is “news” clips about hikers that have gone either missing or murdered along the Appalachian Trail, for example. These are b-roll dramatizations narrated by Robert Slone (a director of documentaries whose topics include JFK’s assassination, Patty Hearst’s kidnapping and Vietnam). The film is, allegedly, based on “Pennsylvania folklore,” a pet topic of the director (does he know about the Small Town Monsters brand? May be right up his alley, though they deal more with cryptids than chainsaws).

Nova runs into some kooks along the way, such as a guy really into possum jerky (called The Hermit by someone), as well as an expositionary hiker who warns her about the people living in the woods, and how they were effected by radioactivity waste buried in the ground that had an effect on them. Radioactivity causing cannibal mutants? Sound familiar? He even says, “These mountains, they have eyes.” As that wise philosopher once said, “A nod’s as good as a wink to a blind bat” (say no more!).

The first half, at least, is mostly her walking and walking, with occasion action shots in-between. The action finally starts to really pick up when Nova is chased by those in the woods, and she cannot get reception on her flip-phone (when was this filmed?). While the appetizer killings are appealing, of course the main course will be in the third act when the action is revved up to 11 (sorry about the This is Spinal Tap reference…).

Like the Marilyn Burns character of Texas Chain Saw Massacre, Nova naturally winds up in the home of The Family, full of misfits, cross-dressers (glad this is not Tennessee), and other murderous types; however, the house is immaculate, unlike the Sawyers’. Time for revenge…and guns and masks and chainsaws. Plus, Nova gets to dress like Lara Croft at one point. That was an enjoyable visual.

The acting is pretty low-key, but not wooden (with one exception), not overly filled with dialogue, and just about everyone does their jobs nicely. The effects are a mixture of practical and digital, which mostly look okay, but the digital is pretty obvious, and the occasional practical at times (such as the guts in the first killing) looks questionable, though at others looks really good. For its budget, though, it is effective.

My main quibble about the film is sort of meta, in that there is little information on who played which role, which is true both in the end credits and on IMDB. That is why I had to be so vague in the descriptions above.

The film is obviously low budget, and there are some continuity errors, but overall, it was a good watch, especially the last third, despite the reliance on some well-worn tropes. It also sets itself up for a possible sequel, which I would gladly watch.

IMDB listing HERE

Review: Becky: Special Edition

Text © Richard Gary / Indie Horror Films, 2023
Images from the Internet

Becky
Directed by Jonathan Milott and Cary Murnion
Yale Productions; Bondit Media Capital; BoulderLight Pictures; Buffalo 8 Productions; Quiver Distribution; Redbox Entertainment; MVD Visual
93 minutes, 2020 / 2023
www.MVDVisual.com

I am actually kind of surprised this film came across my desk, as it were. It was a middle-sized release (as opposed to the low-budget indies I usually get to review) that played in theaters less than 20 years ago, and had some relatively name power in its cast that was not just cameos. The three biggest names are Mall Cop (2009) Kevin James playing against type (if this had been an LGBTQ theme, I would have said something about “King of Nazi Queens”), Joel Hale of “Community” taking a serious turn, and up-and-comer Lulu Wilson in the titular role, known mostly for “The Haunting of Hill House” (2018) mini-series, who was 13 at the time of Becky’s filming. There is also a ton of extras in this Blu-ray, which I will get to later.

Lulu Wilson, Joel McHale

After a full minute of production company credits, we are introduced to Becky being interviewed by the police, with the rest being in flashback. The jarring music that seems to be influenced by The Breeders’ “Last Splash,” is a nice transition to the main, dissonant story.

The direction and editing (by Alan Canant) of the opening sequence, which introduces both convict Dominick (James) and schoolgirl Becky (Wilson) is incredibly well done, as they flip back and forth to show that both are unconventional. For Dominick, it is violence for the White Nationalist Brotherhood cause, and for Becky, it is pretty easy to see that she is a bit disturbed, beyond being a teenager and that her mother (played by her real, uncredited, mom) recently died of cancer.

Wilson, Kevin James

What is also interesting to me is that both of these main characters are accompanied by two tall individuals: for Becky, it is her dad, Jeff (Hale), who is almost 6’4”, and for Dominick, it is fellow escaped inmate Apex (ex-professional wrestler Robert Maillet), who is almost 6’11”; he. should be pegged in the second season of “Wednesday” as Lurch

In this mixture of the cabin in the woods, home invasion, and revenge tale, Becky and Jeff go to their little home away from home in the middle of nowhere (filmed near Burlington, Ontario) to re-bond after their tragic events, with their dogs, Diego (looks like part bulldog and pitbull?) and Dora (corso). Joining them is Jeff’s “friend,” Kayla (Amanda Brugel, another television actor known for a comic role as the minister on “Kim’s Convenience”) and her young son Ty (Isaiah Rockcliffe, who seems almost superfluous to the story). Becky is not too pleased; this soon after her mom passing, honestly, I don’t blame her. And with Kayla and Ty being people of color, I am sure that is not going to go well when, knock, knock, guess who is at the door? Well, it ain’t the fairy godmother.

Amanda Brugel

The other two escapees bringing up the rear are non-Brotherhood members Cole (Ryan McDonald) and Hammond (Lane McDougall). Like much of the cast, these two guys are Canadian. Bad for the cabiners, great for Becky’s body count. Once she gets her knitted teddy bear huntin’ hat on, she means business as something inside her mind snaps. Speaking of which, all things considered that this was a theatrical release with some actors known for comedy, it is pretty damn gruesome.

All 5’ of Becky becomes a killin’ machine as she goes up against the four killers who are in search for something that was left in the cabin before they went to jail nearly a decade before, and they are determined to get it at any means. But Becky has other plans.

Other reviewers have compared Becky to Kevin in Home Alone (1990), but whereas the extreme violence against the two crooks were played for laughs (though it would have killed them in real life), Becky is more determined not to harm them, but to end their lives. And she is on the brink enough to go for that desire.

Robert Maillet

For the aforementioned extras, which there are many, it has introductions to the film from directors Jonathan Milott (19 sec) and Cary Murnion (13 sec). They don’t really say anything in that short amount of time to make it worthwhile, but they make up for it with the featurette ‘Two Heads are Better than One: Directing Becky with Jonathan Milott and Cary Murnion’ (41 min). Filmed separately, they show how they work together, from inception through all the other usual aspects of filmmaking, such as casting, music, SFX and other anecdotes to keep it interesting.

A couple of short but decent interviews are “No Laughing Matter with Joel McHale” (14 min) and “The Fight of her Life with Lulu Wilson” (14 min). Well, it is more of them individually sitting in chairs and talking, but both bring something to their stories, be it humor and/or some level of innocence yet strength in Wilson’s case. Then there are the two Fan Art Galleries and Behind-the-Scenes Photo Galleries

The last biggie is the full Audio Commentary with actress Lulu Wilson and co-screenwriters Ruckus and Lane Skye. While it is mostly interesting, the sound level is a bit low and occasionally distorted, so it is hard to make out in parts. Unfortunately, this is a common problem on commentaries with three or more people. On the technical side, this Blu-ray has 5.1 Surround and 2.0 Stereo Lossless DTS-HD Master Audio, and a 1080p High Definition Widescreen Presentation (2.39:1)

While the cinematography by Greta Zozula is beautifully shot, my one negative comment is that the cellar and night scenes, especially near the end, are just a bit too dark for my old, tired eyes….and my television.

There are so many actors that are popular for their comic roles, but I find they excel in high drama, like Robin Williams, Jim Carrey, and even someone who I think is horrible on the funny side but quite good on the dramatic end, Adam Sandler (let’s see how well egocentric and unhumorous Pete Davidson is at portraying Joey Ramone). This is true for both Joel Hale and especially Kevin James, whose previous roles have been more goofy than funny (again, Paul Blart, Mall Cop).

I can see her stringed hat, and yellow and black striped shirt becoming a cosplay subject, or a Halloween costume. Meanwhile, upcoming later this year is The Wrath of Becky. It has big shoes to fill, but I believe it is capable.

IMDB listing HERE

Review: Amber Road

Text © Richard Gary / Indie Horror Films, 2023
Images from the Internet

Amber Road
Directed by B. Luciano Barsuglia
Koa Aloha Media
87 minutes, 2022
www.facebook.com/amberroadmovie
https://koaalohamedia.com/amberroadmovie/
https://amberroadmovie.com

Amber Road, for the purposes of this film, is a Dark Web site where you can order drugs, food, and a host of other things that are technically illegal. But it also has an audience that it caters to who are interested in watching people being tortured and snuffed. Internet torture for hire has been a common theme lately, with the likes of La PetiteMort (2009) and Death Count (2022), among many. Like Hostel (2005), it is merely an excuse to push the envelope on body horror, or what others may call torture porn.

This release is a bit stylized, showing customers making requests (cameos by the likes of Tom Sizemore and Robert LaSardo, both of whom were in the similarly themed Death Count) on what will happen to the captives. And right off the bat, while the film introduces the protagonists (see second paragraph down), it is inter-mixed with scenes of torture, such as involving removal of fingers, which is nicely intercut with someone cutting a hedge using shears: the mundane and the malevolence.

 Rachel Riley

The first couple being tortured during this intro, Mary (Janet Wang) and James (William McNamara), are given a drug to paralyze them, but they can still feel the pain. My question is, why are they bound to a chair, and why do they have ball gags in their mouths if they are immobile (though they easily move their heads and facial expressions do not seem to be affected by the drug)? The perilous mistress of distress is Pauline (Rachel Riley), professionally a mortician we learn early on, who gets pleasure from her “work.”

And speaking of work, our main protagonist is police deputy Emma (Scream Queen Elissa Dowling), whose husband – also a copper – was murdered, is being helped by her brother, Deke (Jed Rowen); meanwhile the nasty Dark Web (sometimes here described as the Deep Web) group is working on the married couple. At the early stage, the two stories flash back and forth. You just know at some point in the storyline, the trains of Emma and Aber Road will meet. But I am still on Act 1.

Elissa Dowling

Eventually, we get to meet the police that are after the Webbers, led by Sherriff Taylor (Vernon Wells), who has nothing to do with Mayberry, or perhaps it is Opie grown up? Yes, there are lots of cameos throughout the film.

When the big reveal comes at the start of Act 3, it will either surprise the hell outta ya, or you will have seen it coming a mile away (I was somewhere between the two). My only issue is I think they gave away the gravy a bit too early in the telling.

The torture parts are actually spaced pretty far apart in the storyline, with lots of dialogue in-between. Do not get me wrong, what we see is gruesome, but I get the feeling some gorehounds are going to get a bit restless. Not only does the gore increase in the third act, but they find places to hurt that I have not seen before, which is – er – refreshing, in an imaginative way.

Jed Rowen

The acting here is great for a low-budgeter, but it is important to remember that most of the cast each has a long history in cinema, so that is hardly surprising. While Dowling is the de facto lead actor (i.e., not cameo), this is totally Riley’s film, as she has the most screen time, and her character is so germane to the violence that occurs.

The effects look good and gross, but I do wish there had been a bit more of it. Sure, it is effective and gooey as bits are snipped away, but there is long gaps between, even if the practical SFX works.

Throughout the film, they employ either a dark filter, or color correction in post-production, which gives the visuals a mostly bluish haze that seems unnecessary. Well, not to this extent, anyway. I understand the practical SFX may look better if it is harder to see, but it gets tiresome after a while, and is employed by too many films these days.

It feels like there is a lot of overlap with the films by Michael Su (who directed Death Count), and those put out by the Cinema Epoch/CineRidge Entertainment group. It is a mix of many of the same actors of the former and style of the latter, which combine to make a low-budget film that is interesting on many levels. It is good to see all these legends in the same film, though none interact together (again, one-day-work cameos), but most seem to be on Zoom, which makes sense in the story. More than a plot of sheer malevolence for the sake of malevolence, this is a tale of greed above all else, even more than, say, revenge.

For reasons I have stated above, this is a between-the-cracks film, in that it may be too mild for the gorehounds and to extreme for the average viewer. But the story works, and in my humble opinion, that is what makes it watchable.

IMBD listing HERE

Review: Massacre at Central High

Text © Richard Gary / Indie Horror Films, 2022
Images from the Internet

Massacre at Central High
Directed by Rene Daalder (d. 2019)
Brian Distributing Corp; Synapse Films; MVD Entertainment
87 minutes, 1976 / 2022
www.synapsefilms.com
www.MVDVisual.com/
High school bully films are a nice subgenre of thrillers and possible violent (did I mention bullies) murder tales. This theme is more common in Japan where there are strict social rules in instructional institutions, such as was in England in the 19th Century (e.g., Tom Brown’s School Days), but that is another story. This film was obviously a launching pad for the likes of cult release, Heathers (1988), which has a very similar revenge theme. There are differences between, for example, this film and Heathers in that the latter is a vicious comedy and the former a vicious drama.

I don’t know why this subgenre tend to group the bully social construct as a three- or foursome, but that is true here. Perhaps this release set the pathway? The leader of the baddies is Mark (Andrew Stevens; at one time I could honestly say, in the words of the SoCal punk band VOM, “I’m In Love With Your Mom”). His cohorts are Bruce (Ray Underwood; d. 1993), blond and really tall Paul (Damon Douglas; d. 2006) and Craig (Steve Bond). From the opening shot of them walking side-by-side down the narrow school corridor, like it was theirs, gives all the indication you need for who and what they are. And we see their behavior right off when the run into the film’s hippie rebel, Spoony (Robert Carradine), who is wise and sharp-tongued, but seems to get away with much.

Darrel Maury

We quickly meet the hero/anti-hero of the piece, in the form of transfer student David (Derrel Maury). The baddies are out to groom him to be one of “theirs,” as David was friends with Mark at a previous school. However, David has flirted with Theresa (Kimberly Beck), who unknowingly is actually Mark’s girl. Okay, enough with the exposition, since we now have all the main characters (though I’d like to give a nod to Rambeaux Smith, aka Cheryl Smith, who plays secondary character, Mary; d. 2002).

While it is obvious that these guys are no good, but the film take the wise choice to escalate their actions in steps. At first, they “just” harass and intimidate, but as the story progresses, they get more aggro, justifying the actions/reactions to come. One nearly amusing deed they take is to knock books off several library shelves onto nerdy Arthur (Dennis Kort). Thing is, there is something these goons, who obviously do not read library books, do not realize; the Dewey Decimal System. To put the books in order, just follow the numbers. Anyway, tensions mount between the turdettes and David, when the latter starts helping those who have been injured by his – er – pals.

Andrew Stevens, Kimberly Beck

Another interesting choice is that these bozos – well, conflicted Mark anyway, really wants David to join rather than rebel. Mark’s friends are not so keen, and they actually have a say. In many bully films, the main bad guy is king and the rest are his followers, but here, while Mark is the alpha male, he is surprisingly thoughtful at times and not just a bully cliché. Yet, he is still pressured by the rest of the crew.

The shift in the story, where it escalates, is a series of three events (which I will not describe; no spoilers). By the third, as my grandmother would say, “Enough is enough” (speaking of which, one of the characters, Jane, is played by Lani O’Grady, who would go on to “Eight is Enough” fame, and even has the same haircut here as in the TV show; d. 2001), and the revenge aspect of the story starts, and it becomes more, if a tad predictable (i.e., you know when something is going to happen, just before it does).

Damon Douglas, Ray Underwood, (Maury), Steve Bond

One of the common themes of the bully movie, is it usually turns into a violent revenge scenario, and then goes a step further and there are some times where the bullied become the new bullies. For example, Mark was bullied and then became one himself. With the absence of this hierarchy, the school turns into a Lord of the Flies situation, with past victims demanding their due and wanting influence in whatever form over the others.

This is where the film gets political, as each faction has its own social focus (misinterpreted social justice, rich vs. poor, intellect vs. brawn, brawn vs. intellect, etc.). Well, David’s to the “rescue,” like Christian Slater in Heathers.

Robert Carradine

Along with the original theatrical trailer, a TV and radio spot, and a still gallery, the main extra is “Hell in the Hallways,” a Making Of featurette created for this Blu-ray (42 min; 2020). While it follows the pattern of so many Making Ofs (cast interviews, getting the roles, crew interviews, anecdotes, impact on culture), this one is pretty interesting because – especially the actors – seem really engaged when they talk about their experiences. Also, what is fun, is that they dissect specific effect scenes that are quite amusing. Worth the watch.

There are some aspects of the film worth noting (and I am not the first), there is no official authority figures present through the whole story, except for the last scene. There are no teachers, administration, parents or police. That was a stylistic choice for which I approve, although it makes no sense that classes would continue after so many acts of violence in such a short period of time. And the fact that they go on with Prom? Wow.

But the most egregious thing about the whole film has to be the theme song, “Crossroads,” sung by Tommy Leonetti, is just plain gawd-awful. Lyrically, musically, and vocally, it is just horrendous. It is so bad, and was hated so much by the director, he refused to watch the film for 30 years. For myself, I worked in a movie theater as an usher and had to stay inside the main room my whole shift. If I had to hear this song three times a day, five days a week, I would have torn my ears off.

For  film of this sort, and the date of its release, there is no surprise in the amount of nudity (kudos to Beck). However, there is a nice level of gore that was unexpected, and pre-CGI. I also liked that while it was predictable on who would die, I was surprised by some of the survivors.

Even through some stilted dialogue and ‘70s style acting, this film is a cult classic. It is easy to see why,

IMDB listing HERE 

Review: Karate Ghost

Text © Richard Gary / Indie Horror Films, 2022
Images from the Internet

Karate Ghost (aka Black Belt Joe)
Directed by Bobby Canipe Jr.
Acid Bath Productions; Is This Las Vegas Productions
90 minutes, 2022
www.jamesbalsamo.com/#/

If you are wondering if this is serious or a goofy comedy, well, I mean, look at the title. If you dig a little closer, the name of the titular character, Black Belt Joe is a pun named after a much beloved blaxploitation era character played by Jim Kelly (d. 2013). 

Now, when I say “goofy,” please note that I am not saying bad, but I am saying stupidly silly with a very broad (and yes puns) comedy. In other words, this is like the Keystone Kops as opposed to, say, Lenny Bruce. And there is also a need for that level of broad and bawdy humor. That this was co-written and produced by James Balsamo, who also appears in the film wearing a ridiculous wig in an astoundingly purposefully overacted role where he even stares directly at the camera and often talks to it, should say a lot. But this is directed by Bobby Canipe Jr, and I will take it from that point of view.

Joe Balsamo

Black Belt Joe (Joe Borlik) is a Ju-Jitsu expert, but with a mean streak (and not just for his puns) that likes to kill his opponents, rather than just subduing them. One of them is the brother of Nick Laser (Balsamo), who vows revenge, by adventuring to learn the martial art, after a few drinks, ‘natch.

After a vision in the clouds reminiscent of god’s appearance in Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975), this leads Laser to a ju-jitsu master, Wong Chong Smitch (Garrick Lane). I was amused how they make it as though the Japanese passive martial art sound like some secret wonder system, like the one taught to Uma Thurman by Sonny Chiba in Kill Bill, Vol 1 (2003).

Joe Borlik

Of course, there is the mandatory training montage, but it certainly is not up to the level of Rocky IV (1985), The Karate Kid (1984), or any of the Shaw Brothers releases. Laser is incompetent, confused and overwhelmed, which is quite amusing.

Of course, the actual fighting choreography is somewhere akin to the “MadTV” spoof of Rudy Ray Moore’s Dolemite (1975), but what else would you expect? This is a broad comedy, and fighting authenticity is not quite a requirement, even in a film about fighting. And rightfully so.

I love the posturing over-the-top machismo, where people talk (especially Laser in a forced gravelly voice) with extended last words (e.g., “You’re not leaving here aliiiiiive. You’re leaving in a body baaaag.”). I do get the feeling that much of Balsamo and Borlik’s dialogue was ad libbed, which would make sense of the two of them having co-writer credits, along with Canipe. And Joe does not leave the tournament alive (am I giving away too much, considering the name of the damn film?).

Cagney Larkin

Later (and 30 minutes into the film), Laser is a maintenance man at a Dojo recently bought by boob-obsessed to the point of cringy Allen (Cagney Larkin), who has a cute and heavily tatted girlfriend, Selena (Morrigan Thompson). They set forth an event that brings back BB Joe, who also likes to orate directly into the camera. And he is out for revenge against not only Dick – I mean Nick; damn that Allen – Laser, but anyone else who crosses his path. This leads to some fun if cartoonish gore.

And who gets killed? People who happen to wander into the Dojo when no one is around, such as a homeless guy played by Canipe, the director. But you know the big rematch showdown is coming between Laser and zombie Joe. But I wonder how they will fight each other while both looking at the camera (I kid).

Morrigan Thompson

Most of the action, be it the training, the newly bought Kali Filipino Martial Arts Dojo, and the martial arts tournaments are actually all in the same space that the crew (I am guessing Balsamo as he is the Producer) managed to find that works well. I would not be surprised if they found the place first, and then wrote the story after (that was sort of the philosophy of some of Roger Corman’s pictures: if he liked the poster, he created the film).

As ridiculous as the film is on so many levels, it is also so obvious that the cast had a lot of fun making it. What is more, that level of enjoyment is passed along to the viewer. If you are expecting to see a film with the technical capabilities and budget of, say, the Insidious franchise, you are barkin’ up the wrong cinema. However, if you delight in the likes of low budget action films like Dolemite, and “get it,” you might find yourself smiling as I did.

Much as one can almost tell when a film is under the Unearthed Films banner by its content, it is easy to watch this release and know that it is an Acid Bath Productions, and not just because Balsamo has such a central part in it; it is more the style, the laissez-faire attitude as far as storyline consistency and acting, and cheesy gore. There is also a cast, but not the overflow of celebrity cameos. However, it is nice to see this under Canipe’s direction, giving a bit of a different-yet-familiar feeling to the piece. I hope he gets to direct more.

IMDB listing HERE

Trailer TBD

Review: Dead Bride

Text © Richard Gary / Indie Horror Films, 2022
Images from the Internet

Dead Bride
Directed by Francesco Picone
Metrovideo; Breaking Glass Pictures
83 minutes, 2022
www.facebook.com/deadbridemovie/

Who doesn’t love a ghost story. That is not a question. Yeah, let’s just get that out of the way. Right from the prologue, this film makes itself known for what is the backbone of the story. But, of course, there is so much more, like revenge, jealousy, sleep paralysis, and generational terror.

Jennifer Mischiati

Filmed in Italy but spoken in somewhat accented English, the prologue is short and sweet, and spooky. After, we meet the main cast, which is a family of three: Alyson (Jennifer Mischiati), her hubby Richard (Christoph Hülsen), and their infant son, Seth. They move into the house of her biological father (David White) after his suicide. Her mom (Duné Medros), a seamstress, had become deranged, so her father put her up for adoption in the United States at a pre-teen age.

The dynamics between Alyson and Richard are interesting from the start, but not uncommon for these kinds of film: they move into the house due to financial constraints, and there is definitely tension between the two thanks to his past. Richard does not come across as a decent human, again, which is pretty common as he goes away on a business trip (alone or with a work “friend”?), which gives the house a chance to have its influence on Alyson. I can see where this may be going, but I hope I am wrong, as it is too cliché. But, hell, I am only 15 minutes in and we are still in exposition mode.

One of the things I find relatively consistent in these films is someone will live in the haunted abode for years and nothing much happens except for little things here and there, and then the main story family moves in and bam it is poltergeist city with mysterious and/or dangerous events occurring nearly right from the beginning.

Sean James Sutton

Because this was filmed in Italia, you know the priests and exorcisms are going to be involved, even though the story is about a vengeful ghost, Mary (Francesca Albanese; the name Mary means “bitter”), seeking revenge on the family through a few generations. The main priest, Father Elbert (Sean James Sutton) looks eerily like Rod Steiger in The Amityville Horror (1979), albeit without Steiger’s massive scenery chewing.

But the film picks up quite a few notches with the arrival of a questionable psychic, Dave (Douglas Dean), who sends Alyson searching into a dreamworld. This starts a sequence that is fun and interesting, and gives this a whole different mood as it transgresses time and space.

Mischiati and Douglas Dean

The acting in this film is actually quite good, which helps move it along. Mischiati more than holds her own, as does Dean and especially Sutton, who seems very natural. I can easily see him as a British gangster.

There are a number of “borrows” from other films, such as an infamous moments from The Conjuring (2013), [*REC] (2007), The Exorcist (1973), Poltergeist (1982), etc. The SFX is decent, and there are a couple of nicely done quick gore shots. There are also a number of enjoyable jump scares scattered throughout.

Some of the story is quite predictable considering we have seen bits of it before, but the plot moves along quite well and one may just consider the influences of other films as a drinking game. A shout-out should also be mentioned for the cinematography by Marzio Mirabella who makes every shot look amazing and giving it a nearly gothic texture in the modern age, and also the director for the editing, especially the whole dream sequence.

Oh, and I was not wrong.

IMDB listing HERE

Review: Death Count

Text © Richard Gary / Indie Horror Films, 2022
Images from the Internet

Death Count (aka Numbers)
Directed by Michael Su
Mahal Empire; Blaen-Y-Maes Bootleg Films; Mezek Films; Gravitas Ventures
81 minutes, 2022
www.facebook.com/deathcountmovie

I love when old tropes are used, and with some imagination thrown in, making it something worth watching, even when it feels so familiar yet puts new skin on it.

In this case, it’s a mash-up of strangers who wake up in a cell and have to compete to be the last person standing. Or, at least, living. They are put through a series of trials and devices, such as in the Saw franchise (2004-Present as of this writing), Cube (1997), and Funhouse (2019). And like the latter, the Internet plays a part.

But I am getting ahead of myself here…

Eight people wake up in separate, dingy cells. They are assigned numbers like on “The Prisoner” (1967) rather than names by the mysterious and partially masked Warden (Costas Mandylor, who was in some Saw flicks). They are (and if you are not interested be warned I am about to list them all with those who played them, if you want to skip this paragraph): #1 (Denny Nolan), #2 (Wesley Cannon), #3 (Sarah French, who has been in the likes of 2012’s Dropping Evil, 2015’s BiteSchool, and 2015’s Insectula!), #4 (BJ Mezek; also the Executive Producer), #5 (Delvanny Pinn, in 2012’s classic Where the Dead Go to Die), #6 (Robert LaSardo, who you will definitely recognized, between his goatee and his tattoos; I’m a fan), #7 (Kimberly Lynn Cole), and finally #8 (Dave Shecter)

Sarah French

While the prisoners are dying, they are vying for online “likes.” In other words, as long as you are popular and do not disobey the Warden’s rules, you may have a chance. Fortunately, right off the bat, some refuse to comply, leading to some quick, violence, and enjoyable deaths. As with Saw, each are assigned to do some self body harm or be “eliminated” (e.g., have their head blown off by implanted explosives in their necks). This is straight out of the Saw playbook, on a cruder level, as the devices here are less elaborate. Both Saw and Hostel (2005) are referenced within the film’s context by newscasters.

Costas Mandylor

Because the whole thing is online live to gather the likes, everyone can see it (but not trace it), so naturally the cops are on it, led by Detective Casey (how-the-mighty-have-fallen Michael Madsen, who has lately been playing the indie horror route). Madsen looks like he is floating through the role, which actually does not surprise me considering his career projectory. This is probably for the bucks, which I do not blame him. That said, his voice is incredibly gravelly like he is gargling with rocks, he moves incredibly stiffly like he is in actual pain, and he has a cut over his eye that looks real and is unexplained, possibly from a non-acting incident. The police are having trouble taking it seriously at first, but that’s bound to change.

So, a question I have is that I wonder how the Warden can not only afford to build the series of cells, but the technology involved with the communication system and devices. That question also goes out to Jaw’s Jigsaw (but perhaps the latter was answered and I missed it). Or maybe I should just drop it and enjoy it for what it is.

Michael Madsen

One of the brilliance of this film is that it is perfect for being recorded during a Covid outbreak. Here are a group of people in separate cells who, except in rare cases, are never seen together, so they are naturally isolated while the characters are in their cells. That would make this a patchwork like a jigsaw (no pun intended) that was craftily put together, piece-by-piece. Creativity during stressful times and making it work is smart. Hell, technically, nearly all could be filmed in the same cell with different characters over time, and the viewer would not be the wiser. Again, the latter makes me think of Cube.

Got to say, if’n I was in the situation that these prisoners find themselves, I would just let them explode my head early on than do self-mutilation. It would be so much less painful for a quick end, because I know I will not be the one who gets out, if anyone does win this “game,” which essentially amounts to body horror and torture p**n. For those who are into that kind of thing, I highly recommend this. If you are any bit squeamish about blood, mutilation, self-harm, and the like (e.g., fingernails), you are warned.

Robert LaSardo

There is a level of sadism that permeates not only the workings of the story, but in the viewing of it as well. With Saw, there was a level of imagination in the trappings of the deadly devices which, yes, is torturous, but it is highly imaginative. There was also a layered level to what was happening and why. Here, it is everyday instrument and a large part of the violence is self inflicted mostly with general tools (hammer, boxcutter, and much more). There is a certain layer here, too, as we learn that the choosing of the participants is not quite as random as one might think at first. This does give a bit more cohesion to the story that I was happy to see.

The last person standing (I am not saying if they survive or not) is pretty obvious throughout, but that’s okay. It does nothing to diminish from the events happening. However, the last minute of the film seems unrealistic (which has nothing to do with the main story, and I’m afraid I cannot say why without giving away spoilers), but I am not sure if it was meant to fit in to the cycle of the story, or looking for a sequel (or franchise?).

With its faults, the film is effective if you are into body horror, and I would endorse it for that audience.

IMDB listing HERE https://www.imdb.com/title/tt12338246/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=udV3XnNjwdU