Review: Karate Ghost

Text © Richard Gary / Indie Horror Films, 2022
Images from the Internet

Karate Ghost (aka Black Belt Joe)
Directed by Bobby Canipe Jr.
Acid Bath Productions; Is This Las Vegas Productions
90 minutes, 2022
www.jamesbalsamo.com/#/

If you are wondering if this is serious or a goofy comedy, well, I mean, look at the title. If you dig a little closer, the name of the titular character, Black Belt Joe is a pun named after a much beloved blaxploitation era character played by Jim Kelly (d. 2013). 

Now, when I say “goofy,” please note that I am not saying bad, but I am saying stupidly silly with a very broad (and yes puns) comedy. In other words, this is like the Keystone Kops as opposed to, say, Lenny Bruce. And there is also a need for that level of broad and bawdy humor. That this was co-written and produced by James Balsamo, who also appears in the film wearing a ridiculous wig in an astoundingly purposefully overacted role where he even stares directly at the camera and often talks to it, should say a lot. But this is directed by Bobby Canipe Jr, and I will take it from that point of view.

Joe Balsamo

Black Belt Joe (Joe Borlik) is a Ju-Jitsu expert, but with a mean streak (and not just for his puns) that likes to kill his opponents, rather than just subduing them. One of them is the brother of Nick Laser (Balsamo), who vows revenge, by adventuring to learn the martial art, after a few drinks, ‘natch.

After a vision in the clouds reminiscent of god’s appearance in Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975), this leads Laser to a ju-jitsu master, Wong Chong Smitch (Garrick Lane). I was amused how they make it as though the Japanese passive martial art sound like some secret wonder system, like the one taught to Uma Thurman by Sonny Chiba in Kill Bill, Vol 1 (2003).

Joe Borlik

Of course, there is the mandatory training montage, but it certainly is not up to the level of Rocky IV (1985), The Karate Kid (1984), or any of the Shaw Brothers releases. Laser is incompetent, confused and overwhelmed, which is quite amusing.

Of course, the actual fighting choreography is somewhere akin to the “MadTV” spoof of Rudy Ray Moore’s Dolemite (1975), but what else would you expect? This is a broad comedy, and fighting authenticity is not quite a requirement, even in a film about fighting. And rightfully so.

I love the posturing over-the-top machismo, where people talk (especially Laser in a forced gravelly voice) with extended last words (e.g., “You’re not leaving here aliiiiiive. You’re leaving in a body baaaag.”). I do get the feeling that much of Balsamo and Borlik’s dialogue was ad libbed, which would make sense of the two of them having co-writer credits, along with Canipe. And Joe does not leave the tournament alive (am I giving away too much, considering the name of the damn film?).

Cagney Larkin

Later (and 30 minutes into the film), Laser is a maintenance man at a Dojo recently bought by boob-obsessed to the point of cringy Allen (Cagney Larkin), who has a cute and heavily tatted girlfriend, Selena (Morrigan Thompson). They set forth an event that brings back BB Joe, who also likes to orate directly into the camera. And he is out for revenge against not only Dick – I mean Nick; damn that Allen – Laser, but anyone else who crosses his path. This leads to some fun if cartoonish gore.

And who gets killed? People who happen to wander into the Dojo when no one is around, such as a homeless guy played by Canipe, the director. But you know the big rematch showdown is coming between Laser and zombie Joe. But I wonder how they will fight each other while both looking at the camera (I kid).

Morrigan Thompson

Most of the action, be it the training, the newly bought Kali Filipino Martial Arts Dojo, and the martial arts tournaments are actually all in the same space that the crew (I am guessing Balsamo as he is the Producer) managed to find that works well. I would not be surprised if they found the place first, and then wrote the story after (that was sort of the philosophy of some of Roger Corman’s pictures: if he liked the poster, he created the film).

As ridiculous as the film is on so many levels, it is also so obvious that the cast had a lot of fun making it. What is more, that level of enjoyment is passed along to the viewer. If you are expecting to see a film with the technical capabilities and budget of, say, the Insidious franchise, you are barkin’ up the wrong cinema. However, if you delight in the likes of low budget action films like Dolemite, and “get it,” you might find yourself smiling as I did.

Much as one can almost tell when a film is under the Unearthed Films banner by its content, it is easy to watch this release and know that it is an Acid Bath Productions, and not just because Balsamo has such a central part in it; it is more the style, the laissez-faire attitude as far as storyline consistency and acting, and cheesy gore. There is also a cast, but not the overflow of celebrity cameos. However, it is nice to see this under Canipe’s direction, giving a bit of a different-yet-familiar feeling to the piece. I hope he gets to direct more.

IMDB listing HERE

Trailer TBD

Review: You’re Melting!

Text © Richard Gary / Indie Horror Films, 2022
Images from the Internet

You’re Melting!
Directed by James Balsamo
Acid Bath Productions
60 minutes, 2022
www.jamesbalsamo.com
www.facebook.com/acidbathproductions

Yeah, so I basically begin nearly every review of director/writer/actor/etc. James Balsamo’s films the same way every time, so to condense it: auteur, (usually horror) comedy, extremely prolific output of work, Balsamo’s narration, shots from an airplane, full of bad but enjoyable puns, female nudity (which is okay because nothing personal, I really don’t need to see Balsamo’s naked bod, as he is always in his films, much like Mel Brooks, another filmmaker I love but do not want to see in that way), animation (both Claymation and cartoons), lately Bill Victor Arucan, and tons of cameos. And yet, I am always happy to get to see his work. Some of these listed above are bound to crop up in my comments, but they will all be in the film.

For this relatively short opus, Balsamo plays Nathan Ender, a plastic surgeon who is out for revenge by killing all the other plastic surgeons as “The Witch Doctor” (i.e., a masked killer). On his trail is Detective George Skully (Arucan) and his assistant, Heather Gummer (blue-hair-tinted bodybuilder Ria Papageorgiou); we see them interview 1980’s-1990’s star Jennifer Rubin, who plays Ender’s co-office surgeon. Along with the killings, there is a lot of gratuitous nudity and dancing, which is to be expected in a Balsamo release, of course.

While the revenge premise of killing plastic surgeons is quite clear, the film has a bit of a cobbled together feeling, which is both good and, well, a bit weak, especially for a film this short. For example, there are a few mostly or totally nude dance sequences that really are gratuitous and does nothing for the story with either two or three women strippers and in one case a male (the latter is actually better at it). Yeah, I know these will probably show up on one of Balsamo’s anthology Sexy Time series (and rightfully so).

Joe Estevez

There is also a ridiculously long sequence of three surgeons (including one played by Joe Estevez, brother and uncle of other better-known actors, playing Dr. Richard Smothers – where’s Tom?, or was he named after Smothers’ son, porn actor Dick Smothers?) walking in a circular path through a Chinese...I’m not sure…Museum? Art gallery? While this happens, the three riff off (ad lib) nonsense that does not promote the story at all in a woe-is-me fashion, or just screaming dialogue. That being said, the “Where’s Waldo” effect with the Witch Doctor in this sequence is cool.

I am also confused about one of the dancers on a ritualistic altar as the Witch Doctor runs a (cool looking) knife over her body. Is she supposed to be a plastic surgeon as well? It is incongruous with the story, especially with her smiling as the knife skims her naked flesh. Then there is the topless dancer who sings and plays the piano for what seems like a really long time. See, this is why it feels cobbled together rather than an actual narrative story.

There are some interesting cameos here and there, such as Brian Bonsall (the younger kid in the TV show “Family Ties” and the Klingon youngster in “Star Trek: The Next Generation”), wrestler (always a wrestler) Tonga Fifita reading poetry, and bizarro filmmaker Jim Wynorski (I like his films), among those I have already mentioned among quite a few others.

And what was the reasoning for the stop-motion monster further on in the film? The story was left quite open, I am assuming for a sequel at some point, as Balsamo has been doing that a lot lately.

I have a theory: the Witch Doctor is actually played by Bobby Canipe Jr., under the mask. The cinematography is by Cagney Larkin. Balsamo’s actual role is a miniscule cameo and the rest is voiceover. So, what I’m thinking is that this film was directed over the phone (or Zoom) by Balsamo, but it was mostly produced and edited by him and shot while he was away making multiple other films. That would explain the inconsistencies and weirdness of whatever was going on in the plot, such as it was. This was more an idea than a story.

While not the strongest of the Balsamo releases that I have seen, and I have watched quite a few – nearly all I enjoyed – there are some good elements to this, especially the set designs and I like the Witch Doctor mask. Despite all my quibbling, I am still looking forward to some of Balsamo’s upcoming releases, such as The Righteous Adventures of Commander Star Shark and Guppy!, It Wants Blood 2, and especially I Got a Bullet with Your Name on it!, among a dozen others that are currently in pre-production, production, or post-production.

IMDB Listing HERE 

Trailer is HERE 

Review: Alien Danger 2! With Raven Van Slender

Text © Richard Gary / Indie Horror Films Blog, 2022
Images from the Internet

 Alien Danger 2! With Raven Van Slender
Directed by James Balsamo
Acid Bath Productions; Alien Donut Films
71 minutes; 2021
www.facebook.com/acidbathproductions/

The video starts with the same Toy Dolls silly music video with which the first film ended, but I do have to admit that it’s easy for it to become an earworm, so be warned (said with a smile)

I must say, the opening animated sequence (not sure if it’s cheesy CGI or stop-motion, of both) mixes a bunch of genres together, including a version of Japanese Mecha-Godzilla meets The Three Stooges, the Transformers, and the Power Rangers. It’s goofy (a word I’ve used and will continue to use often for these films), but I had a big smile on my face for the sheer ambition of it. Plus, there’s the cameos during it by Rob Halford (voice of Judas Priest) vs. Casey Orr (aka Beefcake the Conqueror, bassist of Gwar). And that’s before the always fun animated credits by Rob Yulfo, featuring a different song that is very similar by the Toy Dolls.

I need to make this clear: sometimes it may seem like I am insulting the film by saying the sets are cheap, the effects are corny and the acting is so over the top that they are in the stratosphere, but let us be explicit in that it is all purposeful, and it is fun because of all this nonsense, not in spite of it. If you’re looking for Star Wars, Star Trek, or even Battle Beyond the Stars (1980), well, you have either come to the wrong place or not stoned enough (note that I am straight-edge). Balsamo is infamously leaning towards the happy weed, so I am sure he is encouraging it with his films. I can understand if one gets more out of it in that headspace, but I’m enjoying it for what it is: a hot mess.

The cameo villain in this volume is General Legs (voiced by Pinhead himself, Doug Bradley), but meanwhile, genre bending is the key here, as the first segment of an actual story is leader, hero, and incredibly amusing Raven Van Slender (Bill Victor Arucan) and the same crew as the first film (this part was either filmed concurrently, or immediately after the first part), including slug sandwich obsessed Eepa.the Nood (director Balsamo), go to Ravenwood Forest in Robin Hood mode, to help King Mark Catapult (rather than Capulet; that made me laugh) and his princess daughter. Side note: I’m only 14 minutes into this thing, including the music video, Mecha- opening, animated credits, and some b-roll from the first film. To be clear to the audience, who most likely are quite lit by this point, Van Slender even points out that this is like Robin Hood and Sherwood Forest, for those baked or unread enough not to know.

Just a digression, in the first film, Van Slender’s catchphrase was the titular, “Alien Danger!” Here it’s “Adventure awaits!” However, the “Alien Danger” line is also used. No point in me mentioning this, just observing.

As with Part 1, most of the “alien” differentiation is face make-up of different colors (again, as with the previous review, I give you the original “Star Trek” series, which often employed this style to indicate difference of aliens). Here, there are also uses of some different masks, many of which actually look quite good, lots of CGI effects, and especially the use of Green Screen technology (I am convinced that “Star Trek” would have done the same if the means were available in the 1960s).

After we leave the forest, the next genre bending is based on the mythical Western at the Okie-Dokie Corral, with cowboys and cattle. Okay, forget the cattle, but there is a campfire (well, a fire pit anyway, and no beans). After the obligatory showdown, we next slide over to a world of professional wrestling, which explains the cameos by the likes of Sgt. Slaughter, Barry “Krusher Khrushchev” Darslow, and Sione “Tonga” Valihai. And still only 30 minutes in.

At around 45 minutes, the group is fighting monsters on another planet. We also find out some personal information about our titular hero. At 50 minutes, we’re back in ancient Egypt and Cleopatra (Tracee Cocco) and her killer Martian mummy(s) … yeah, you read that right. There are a bunch of short bits after that such as an intergalactic Ouija board, but I’ll leave it for now rather than cataloging.

The point of me stating the times is the indication tat there is a lot going on here. Perhaps its not a consistent narrative or cohesive story, but the set pieces keep the viewer from getting bored. After all, like puns – one of the director’s specialties to the point where he has a book published of them James Balsamo’s Total Pun-ishment; Bad Joke Book – if something that is silly goes on too long, it gets wearing, but by changing it around so much, the interest of “what the hell next?” may keep your attention.

Of course, there are a lot of cameos, such as director John Landis and the always fun Vernon Wells, who I still believe is the best character of Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior (1981), and actually shows some actual acting chop while seeming to really have fun with his role here, sans mohawk. But it is worth noting the following: used to be most of the cameos in early Balsamo releases tended to be filmed in an alley behind whichever horror convention or metal concert he attended, and usually they just insulted or beat up on Balsamo, sometimes both. While Landis is a quick come and go, others like Wells are actually incorporated into the story, in this case as a helmeted villain, The Shadow Knight (who subtly quotes John Cleese’s Black Knight in 1975’s Monty Python and the Holy Grail!). The quality of the cameos is improving.

Yes, there are more in the franchise coming, such as Alien Danger 3: With Raven Van Slender, and Raven Van Slender Saves Christmas, both expected by the end of this year.

IMDB listing HERE 

Review: Alien Danger! With Raven Van Slender

Text © Richard Gary / Indie Horror Films Blog, 2022
Images from the Internet

Alien Danger! With Raven Van Slender
Directed by James Balsamo
Acid Bath Productions; Alien Donut Films
80 minutes; 2021
www.facebook.com/acidbathproductions/

James Balsamo must be one of the most prolific directors on the indie scene. In fact, I cannot think of anyone of the top of my head with the output level he has achieved, except possibly Mark Polonia.

Let’s say right from the start, if you are not familiar with the works of Balsamo, that he has a sharp auteur direction, with nearly all his films being not only comedies, but what you find when you go further than over-the-top. And yet, I’m a fan.

Despite his prolificosity (yeah, I know it’s not a real word, but go with me), I do believe that this is Balsamo’s first delving into science fiction. The feel of the film is mixed. It reminds me a bit of the outrageous 1970s sex space comedies like Spaced Out (1979) and 2069: A Sex Odyssey (1974), and yet retains the goofiness of television kids shows like “HR Pufnstuf” (1967-70) and ”Sigmund and the Sea Monsters” (1973-75).

Our hero is the funny Raven Van Slender (Bill Victor Arucan), whose space crew, including Eepa the Nood (director James Balsamo, who [purposefully] over-plays more than one role here), who runs afoul of the evil Overlord Enil (also Arucan) doing his best Ming the Merciless.

While much of the make-up is colorful face paint (remember the budget), the thing you may notice from the start is the large amount of animation. As usual, the credits are cartoons, but we get to see odd creatures on other planets that are either puppets, CGI or stop motion photography. Either way, it may not look realistic (again, budget), but it is incredibly imaginative and fun. And the main focus of a Balsamo film is the fun quotient, which overrides everything else, be it overacting, cheesy sets (more on that in a moment), the common use of green screen technology, or pastel make-up. Now, yes, the sets look like they cost about a dollar-fifty, but you know what, have you watched the original “Star Trek”? The sets (especially other planets) are comparable, so just enjoy it and don’t think too hard.

Much of the opening is exposition about the background of our hero (spoken by an animated Cyclops-eyed blob. But it also includes some nice easter eggs, such as a shot of a beach that is the locale of the iconic finale to the original The Planet of the Apes (1968). There are also subtle flashbacks to previous Balsamo releases, such as the bat from Bite School (2015) a creature from It Wants Blood! (2019), and the diver from Killer Waves (2016).

As always, Balsamo relies on a core of his usual cast, such as Arucan and the flexible Katherine Pegova, but there is the ever present and numerous cameos, as well, such as Rob Halford of Judas Priest, a seemingly confused Tommy Chong, Joe Estevez (Charlie Sheen’s brother), Tuesday Knight (1988’s A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Warrior, Beverly Randolph (1983’s The Return of the Living Dead), and many others, including a version of the gorilla alien from Robot Monster (1953).

There is not as much a coherent story, though there is the backbone of one, as much as set pieces that give Balsamo a chance to show off the animation and imagination. Van Slender and his loyal crew of misfits battle against the Evil Overlord.

My only real quibble with the film is that sometimes the sound is either too low for this old man’s ears (too many Ramones – and others – shows in my youth), or occasionally the voice is manipulated electronically, and I can’t really make out what is being said. But if it is uttered by Eepa the Nood, you know it’s going to be a pun, since Balsamo is a pun king. Speaking of which, unlike most previous Balsamo films, there is no “Nood-ity,’ including toplessness. The sexiest thing is Pegova’s fully clothed silver onesie outfit. However, true to form, there is a subtle drug reference with some mention of mushrooms that are magic, though not consumed.

I could go as far as say that this could probably play on broadcast television practically uncut. I actually hope that does not deter anyone, because, and I’ll say it again, it is completely goofy fun, and if you are into imbibing in substances, liquid or plant, you might find yourself having WTF laughs.

Stick around after the credits for a music video directly connected to the film, by the… group? single performer? The Toy Dolls, from the UK. Reminds me of the early version of the New York band The Fast, or an upbeat adaption of Gary Numan-kind of synthesizer pop.

The review of the sequel Alien Danger 2! With Raven Van Slender, will be the next blog.

IMDB listing HERE 

Review: Mind Melters 2: A Collection of Even More Short Films

Text © Richard Gary / Indie Horror Films, 2020

Images from the Internet

Mind Melters 2: A Collection of Even More Short Films

Directed by James Balsamo

Acid Bath Productions

90 minutes, 2020

www.acidbathproductons.com

www.facebook.com/Balsamosmindmelters/

When you are as prolific a filmmaker as James Balsamo, what is one to do during a global pandemic? Well, all those films he worked on, all those conventions he’s attended, and those cameos he coerced (via kindness) from other actors, filmmakers, and musicians, can come in handy.

There must be tons of footage from his films that have been excised for time, or just short bits, laying around the house, figurately speaking (since they’re on a computer), so zipping together a menagerie of clips from previous films and other works surely is a good way to keep Satan away from those idle hands.

Balsamo, who if you’re not familiar with his work – and you should be – falls into a subgenre of directors/actors that use the medium with themselves as the focal point, and all hell goes on around them in a charming, yet amateurish way, that is genuinely endearing, albeit based on some incredibly adolescent humor (such as Bill Zebub).

Version Deux here has some commonalities with the first Mind Melters (2019), but there is one glaring difference that I think puts this above the introductory release, and that is a level of cohesion. Mind Melters was kind of a mixed-up mish-mash of little, unconnected bits, mostly, and thereby a bit inconsistent; not bad, just more stream-of-consciousness, kinda. Here, the separation is more flowing and straightforward in a series of short films rather than just “bits.”

For example, it starts off with the short, “Lunch Meeting,” where a bunch of middle aged male executives each have their own fantasies about someone trying out for the Administrative Assistant position. Hilarity and nudity abound.

There is a bit a lunacy as well, or one might think of it more as surrealistic, such as the short “Vampire Laundry Machine,” where a vampire’s bite turns a washer/dryer combo into, well, you know.

This is followed by a series of shorts of people talking into the camera, sort of like professional wrestlers, be it a pair of vampires (in front of said washer/dryer), or a very strange and extended bit with heavy curtain chewing by Craig Muckler (of 1979’s Microwave Massacre), holding a large bat stuffy down by some river and waterfall, after being interviewed by a reporter cleverly named Lewis N. Clark (Bob Cummings). These latter two pick up again a couple of times later as the same characters, but this time discussing a snake (feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl) and then with a giant spider (puppet). Shot in the woods, the best part is the guy in the background who is cleaning off the trail, not sure what was going on in the foreground. Just pitch perfect for an off-the-wall bit, raising it to a higher level of laughter. Then there is the Andy Kaufmann effect: was that guy real, or a planted actor? I’m not sure I even want to know.

James Balsamo

While it’s obvious that Balsamo likes to be the center of attention (and I have no issue with that), some of the fine moments is when he lets other people just go off. For example, next up – and bits are shown throughout the film – is the centerpiece where Balsamo interviews cult filmmaker Ted Nicolaou (including 1988’s TerrorVision and the Full Moon Subspecies franchise, which started in 1991 and continues). It was originally done for Mad Monster Radio, and there’s lots of tidbits about filmmaking. In another bit later, during “James Quall Sings,” he lets the comic do a full, original song, “I’m Still Stamping” – that’s what it sounds like, anyway – which is quite bemusing.

One of my favorites is “Creature of Science,” which starts off slow, with a mutant pooch that kills a group of people, one in an especially sensitive moment; actor and vlogger Shawn C. Phillips is hysterical as the amateur scientist doing his own podcast about warning people to not try his “giant dog” experiment.

Another completely ridiculous and WTF short is “Johnny De Dead,” dealing with jealousy, the afterlife, and “ghost sex.” It lasts a good couple of minutes, but that’s also probably how long I laughed at it after, for it’s sheer ridiculousness. Left me smiling.

TITAN

Balsamo shows a bit of his artistic side with a full music video for black metal (death metal? I’m a punk rocker, so the subtleties of this genre escape me) band TITAN, which consists of a vocalist/guitarist and a drummer. It’s filled with satanic imagery and ritual (and a nice cameo by the director). The song, “Abramelin,” pounds away as a good black/death metal ditty should.

If you like animation, there a bit of that two, including the theme song to “The Glork Show,” featuring an alien who becomes a talk show host, and a full episode cartoon featuring Fester Fish (Aaron Long Productions, 2012) titled “Fester Makes Friends.”

Many of the usual Balsamo regulars are not here for this release, but don’t be alarmed, there are a few, such as a clip with the late, great Dave Brockie (aka Oderus Urungus, of Gwar; d. 2014), Dan E. Danger, Billy Walsh, who appears at least three times, and Balsamo’s dog Alf (not to be confused with the “big dog” experiment.

I actually had quite a bit of fun with this, and because it was more cohesive than the first, I probably liked it even better than the first Mind Melters. The only thing I would have added would have been some captioning for the Nicolaou interview, because due to circumstances that is life, the master sound recording was lost and it is using the camera mic, which makes it a bit hard to hear in spots.

If you’re a Balsamo fan, like gonzo filmmaking, lots of variety and lunacy, and looking at nude women, you really can’t go completely wrong here.

Mind Melters 2 trailer HERE

Review: Sexy Time

Text © Richard Gary / Indie Horror Films, 2020

Images from the Internet

Sexy Time

Directed by James Balsamo

Acid Bath Productions

90 minutes, 2020

www.facebook.com/youdieatdawn

www.acidbathproductions.com

“Do you like boobs alot / Gotta like boobs a lot” – The Fugs, 1965 

When I was a young man and Times Square was still Times Square, there were stores you could go into and for a small fee, watch videos that were shorts or a collection of scenes from other films. That’s kind of the idea here.

When I interviewedBalsamo back in 2015, I asked him why he made films, and he professed, “While filming topless women and partying with some of the rock stars and celebrities in my films are a great perk, what really drives me to make them is my love for cinema. But let’s be real: mainly it’s for the boobs and partying at this point in my career.” This kind of underground release from Acid Bath Productions is a mixture of those films and the work Balsamo has done to-date, the list of which is prodigious.

I mean, after all, there is a pandemic going on, and if you can’t go out and make a film, why not stay home and cannibalize your own output, to make something creative and something new from the old?

To be clear, what this “film” is, to put it as plainly as possible, is a compilation of “sexy” scenes from Balsamo’s past releases, which feature body parts of mostly females, but the occasional male genitalia gets a peek-a-boo, as well.

Many of the women featured in Balsamo films, along with scream queen serious actors, are strippers and porn stars who are out and about to show their wares and talents, be it jumping around, partying, twerking, or nude arm wrestling (I kid you not); and because this is a Balsamo film, often being killed in gruesome ways while flashing the camera (e.g., such as in the shower or bedroom).

Again, because he is so prolific in his output of features, and he knows how to connect with people at conventions, he has quite the repertoire to draw from. What’s interesting is that there an assortment of all body types, from chubby to skinny, to – er – surgically enhanced. And considering the sources, there are a lot of tattoos, including some odd designs. Oh, and there are the piercings of various body parts, such as nipples and tongues among many others, that are emphasized in some shots.

Extended clips (i.e., a scene as opposed to a montage or moments) are identified from which film they are culled with an imprint on the corner (not to impede our viewing pleasure). Most clips are solo shots, some are male and female, and there are the occasional female and female, for those of you who are into that sort of thing.

Of course, Balsamo is in some of the clips, as he tends to be the central character in all his films, but the variety of males is wide (and sometimes green).

Nudity and murder… Okay, now I hear you asking me about the sexism level. Well, call it hypocritical, but sometimes baseless nudity is more acceptable in some projects than in others. I mean, if Princess Leia was starkers with Jabba rather than that bikini, that would be gratuitous. However, when you are dealing with a provocateur like, say, Hershell Gordon Lewis or James Balsamo, it’s kind of a given that there is going to be blood and boobs involved.

Now, how successful is this collection when it comes to sexy time? I would say that would depend on your disposition. For example, as much as I was amused by the bountiful tatas, booty, etc., what didn’t turn me on was how much of it involved slaughter of the said nekkid person. In context of the story, I can be bemused by it, but clip after clip of assaults by knife, vampire teeth, etc., is not necessarily something that makes me want to pull down my zipper. However, I know that will be an even larger enhancement of the action for certain people of both genders, who live in a world of extreme cinema.

Be aware that although a lot of women are killed in this anthology (as are men, I should add), there is no rape or sexual violence; the sexuality is secondary and separate to the action; in other words, they would be killed the same way dressed or undressed in the story, so it’s not that the nudity leads to the violence. I do believe that is an important point. Balsamo explained to me: “Our casting process is really complex. A lot of work goes into the entire process and it involves a series of auditions and usually a lot of debate. I’ve always had a charm with the ladies but of course on an Acid Bath Productions set, all of our actors and actresses are treated with the utmost respect when doing nude scenes.”

I am grateful that the names of the films are given (as this is not in chronological order, but rather a mash-up/smash-up), to remind me of what is from what. Balsamo is among the most prolific filmmakers out there (and a lot of his films can be found reviewed on this blog by searching his name in the upper left corner of the screen), so it’s not always easy to remember which release had what action. I do, however, wish the name of the actress were included in the scene, as well. The names are listed in the final credit crawl, but that doesn’t help identify who is who, when the names are followed by “Topless” or “Not Topless.”

So if it is not necessarily good for yankin’ the one-eyed yam or pushin’ the pearly gate, depending on the gender you ascribe, what is the overall purpose of this? What I found it useful for – other than a nice voyeuristic cinematic road trip – is that if you were wondering about James Balsamo and whether it would be worth your while to plunk down some hard earned doubloons on his creative art, this can give you an overview to help you make that choice.

See the trailer/preview or rent/buy the film HERE: 

Review: Cool as Hell 2: The Quest for God’s Bong

Text © Richard Gary / Indie Horror Films, 2019

Images from the Internet

Cool as Hell 2: The Quest for God’s Bong

Directed by James Balsamo

Acid Bath Productions

90 minutes, 2019

www.facebook.com/coolashell2/

www.acidbathproductions.com

I once heard Johnny Cash sing a song that basically went, “Everybody loves a nut / the whole world loves a weirdo / Brains are in a rut, but / Everybody loves a nut.” How did he know there would be a James Balsamo? And I really do mean this in the kindest of ways.

Michael Berryman

As a filmmaker, Balsamo is quite prolific, but even so, this is his first sequel, based on the original film from 2013. Even before we re-meet the two main characters, Rich (Balsamo) and Benny (Dan E. Danger), we are fed a fake trailer, and are introduced to the devil in the form of a hysterical cameo by the Michael Berryman.

While this is a sequel, it is actually quite different than most of Balsamo’s previous work. Don’t get me wrong, if you’re looking for puns, drugs and nudity, you have come to the right place. It’s more the narrative structure to which I am referring. With the possible exception of Mind Melters: A Collection of Short Films which I reviewed recently on this blog, there has been a somewhat linear storyline in Balsamo’s work with some weirdness thrown in. Here, it’s more of the opposite: a cobbling of short bits with the thinnest of cohesiveness. Am I complaining? Absolutely not. Despite this abolition from the relative norm, this comes as no surprise to me. Lemme ‘splain…

Balsamo’s life lately has been on a higher speed gear. He’s making appearances in his (and other people’s) films, he’s going to conventions where he can get some great cameos by musicians and genre actors (this is definitely one of his constants in his relatively later releases) – as well as to make to make some cash selling his films there – and he (and his bro) recently moved coasts, from Long Island, NY to sunny California. It’s no surprise that time for continuity quality control would be moved a bit to the wayside. Rent’s gotta be payed Jack, and we happily get to smirk at the work that comes out of that.

Melody Peng

Let me digress a bit and say that bongs, in and of themselves, have become a bit of a horror trope of late, with the likes of Bong of the Dead (2011) and the numerous Evil Bong franchise (you read right). It’s gotten to the point where, and this is true, someone came to me recently and complained that no potential employer would answer her emails, which was bongmistress69@ (etc.). Stoners – of which I’m not – be it Bill and Ted, Cheech and Chong, or in this case Rich and Benny, are stumbling their way into the movie watchers’ hearts and buzzed out minds. On reflection, it might also explain the way this release is all over the map.

The story, such as is it is, finds Benny in hell watching television for most of the film, as he’s forced to see programing (or real life?) that presents people dying in the oddest of ways (I’ll give away one: guy tries to clean out his ears with his electric toothbrush), whether intentional or not. Rich is feeling guilty and is trying to bring Benny back with the help of demons Az (Billy Walsh) and Raa (Pat Shea); question is are they helping or hindering, or just enabling. You decide.

Carmine Capobiano, JB, Debbie Rochon

Along the way, Rich picks up a new girlfriend (Melody Peng) and gets insulted or punched by a string of cameo-appearing semi-famous people (Bumblefoot, Michael St. Michaels, for example… there are plenty of others). This second part is consistent with the first Cool as Hell release as well.

Some of the cameos are definitely off the cuff, such as the confusing (due to fuzzy sound) yet amusing scene with two people I admire, Carmine Capobianco and the effervescent Debbie Rochon. Others, you can actually watch the person’s eyes move along with the text as they face the camera. 

JB, Linnea Quigley

Also amusing. Here’s a cool as hell drinking game (or taking a bong hit): pick either ad lib or scripted, and whenever a cameo happens, you drink or drag if your opinion is it’s one of those two. Then there is Frank Mullen (vocalist of the Long Island-based ex-death metal band, Suffocation) reviving his rage and cursing infused character in a cameo, who feels like a mix of both.

Holding the story somewhat together is Rick’s voiceover narrative, usually accompanied visually by landscapes filmed from out of a plane window. It’s an interesting concept, and I’ll go with it, especially since there’s a lot of it, and sometimes it’s the only explanation for what we have just watched, or sets up what we are about to see (or both).

So, by the end, where does all this bring us? To both the usual Balsamo and the unusual Balsamo, which oddly enough meets on either end. Despite the irregular format of snippets tied into a story, we also get exactly what one would expect from one of his films, and that’s a mish mash of masks, boobs, blood, and bonkers humor.

And yes, we do get to hook up again with the blue and yellow booger (puppet) named Booghar.