Review: From Dusk Till Bong

Text © Richard Gary / Indie Horror Films, 2022
Images from the Internet

From Dusk Till Bong
Directed by James Balsamo
Acid Bath Productions
90 minutes, 2022
www.jamesbalsamo.com

Man, there are a surprisingly large amount of horror spoofs that rely on the word “bong” in the title, such as Bong of the Dead (2011), and the entire and incredibly numerous Evil Bong franchise from Full Moon. And speaking of prolific, there is Long Island to Los Angeles transplant director James Balsamo.

From the title of this release, there is no question that we are talking about a comedy. Well, it’s Balsamo, and that’s his genre: horror and action comedy. What I find interesting is that this is closer in feel to Shaun of the Dead (2004), though this deals with vampires, so I’m willing to bet that’s why the name was adapted from From Dusk Till Dawn (1998); besides, there is no arguing that the present title revision is witty, coming from James “Mr. Pun” Balsamo.

Balsamo’s character (yes, he likes to star in his own films, what of it?) is down-on-his-luck millionaire playboy Tony Canoni, a character who was introduced in Balsamo’s BiteSchool (2015; yes, this is a sequel, or at least an off-shoot) who starts by narrating his expository introduction to explain why he’s screaming while holding a chainsaw, riding a giant bat (puppet), bathed in a monochrome red filter. This is followed by a brief bit of madness and extreme over-emoting by once mainstream A-lister Eric Roberts in a blink-and-miss-it cameo

To begin the crux of the story, vampire slayer Screaming Jay Pigeons (professional wrestler The Supreme Fighting Machine, Charles Wright, who is in the WWE Hall of Fame) is dressed in New Orleans’ type white skull face paint, sort of doing a more profane version of Dr. van Helsing, killing off a couple of neck biters as a nekkid image of his wife Leonora (J.E. Scripps) pops in and out. He is aided by his partner, Father Gill O’Teen (G. Larry Butler). This is merely some introductory buffoonery (meant bemusedly, not insultingly) that one comes to expect in a typical Balsamo film: fun, a pun, and women’s buns.

This is a common theme in my reviews of Balsamo’s films, so please pardon the repetition, but it is important and a key function of the auteur structure of his filmmaking: Balsamo’s films, because he shoots them overlapping with so many other projects of his own design, tend to be episodic, or set pieces strung together. This is not a negative comment, just an observation. This can lead to some clever gags, and sometimes it means things jump around from one thing to another, and then back again without rhyme nor reason. Well, the reason is, I am assuming, opportunity to film or an getting down an idea while it comes up. So, the film jumps back to Canoni and his vampire bat stuffy-doll-sized pal named Spat (about as big as Chucky but cuddlier and fuzzier, it is also voiced by Balsamo in a falsetto voice) as they discuss what has happened since Bite School 2 (2020; while I have seen the first release, I have not yet seen the sequel, so this is helpful). Balsamo is a big proponent of conversational (or narrative) exposition.

Cameos are a bit less abundant here, but many of the actors do come from the worlds of either professional wrestling or music. For example, there was the momentary Eric Roberts exposure, Hacksaw Jim Duggan, and some decent (and over-) acting from Robert Felsted Jr. (of the band The Moonshoots, and was also good in a lead role in 2019’s slasher film, Hanukkah), as Canoni’s friend Bill Diamond. 

The film, which I am assuming is shot guerilla-style (filmed in Nevada, with other shots using green screen to imply that it is the desert), mostly uses natural light and sound. This means on occasion, the sound varies (such as Canoni’s voice fading in and out when talking to his bat friend outside the Pit Stop Restaurant), and occasionally the scene is dark or washed out as a lot of it is shot either in a cave or during bright sunlight (these vampires have no probs with solar light), but as I am a fan of shooting off the cuff (i.e., not paying for a license), I’m okay with it. Besides, it beats lugging heavy lights around when you’re always shooting on the move. I say, save that money for the special effects and catering.

There are a lot of vampire-fighting combinations going on between Screaming Jay, the Padre, Diamond and Canoni. The final act of the film is mostly in a cave and occasionally hard to make out, but thanks to a flame thrower, that lights up more than just the neck (and dick, apparently) biters. Many a vampire – er – bites the dust, including Raven Van Slen…I mean Bill Victor Arucan as a Chinese undead who hops like a rabbit. No idea why.

A lot of the make-up/masks look pretty good, especially one with a face on his cheek, and the puppets are silly looking, but again, it’s not trying to be a Rob Bottin creation (nor a John Carpenter budget). There is lots of cleavage and nudity (all female), so I guess that’s something? All the better for one of Balsamo’s SexyTime compilations. 

Except for the darker scenes, you get what you get with a Balsamo film, and I’m always happier after seeing one. There are a lot of cool throw-away lines and gags (such as fighting a flying bat with a baseball bat), so you may want to pay some attention between spliffs (again, I’m straight-edge…seriously). Speaking of which, as the title, implies, there is a bunch of jokes about the big bright green pleasure machine, and surprisingly limited images of an actual bong.

As Canoni mentions, he’s off to fight Robot Dracula, so I’m pretty sure we’re going to see more of him.

IMDB Listing HERE 

 

 

Review: Alien Danger 2! With Raven Van Slender

Text © Richard Gary / Indie Horror Films Blog, 2022
Images from the Internet

 Alien Danger 2! With Raven Van Slender
Directed by James Balsamo
Acid Bath Productions; Alien Donut Films
71 minutes; 2021
www.facebook.com/acidbathproductions/

The video starts with the same Toy Dolls silly music video with which the first film ended, but I do have to admit that it’s easy for it to become an earworm, so be warned (said with a smile)

I must say, the opening animated sequence (not sure if it’s cheesy CGI or stop-motion, of both) mixes a bunch of genres together, including a version of Japanese Mecha-Godzilla meets The Three Stooges, the Transformers, and the Power Rangers. It’s goofy (a word I’ve used and will continue to use often for these films), but I had a big smile on my face for the sheer ambition of it. Plus, there’s the cameos during it by Rob Halford (voice of Judas Priest) vs. Casey Orr (aka Beefcake the Conqueror, bassist of Gwar). And that’s before the always fun animated credits by Rob Yulfo, featuring a different song that is very similar by the Toy Dolls.

I need to make this clear: sometimes it may seem like I am insulting the film by saying the sets are cheap, the effects are corny and the acting is so over the top that they are in the stratosphere, but let us be explicit in that it is all purposeful, and it is fun because of all this nonsense, not in spite of it. If you’re looking for Star Wars, Star Trek, or even Battle Beyond the Stars (1980), well, you have either come to the wrong place or not stoned enough (note that I am straight-edge). Balsamo is infamously leaning towards the happy weed, so I am sure he is encouraging it with his films. I can understand if one gets more out of it in that headspace, but I’m enjoying it for what it is: a hot mess.

The cameo villain in this volume is General Legs (voiced by Pinhead himself, Doug Bradley), but meanwhile, genre bending is the key here, as the first segment of an actual story is leader, hero, and incredibly amusing Raven Van Slender (Bill Victor Arucan) and the same crew as the first film (this part was either filmed concurrently, or immediately after the first part), including slug sandwich obsessed Eepa.the Nood (director Balsamo), go to Ravenwood Forest in Robin Hood mode, to help King Mark Catapult (rather than Capulet; that made me laugh) and his princess daughter. Side note: I’m only 14 minutes into this thing, including the music video, Mecha- opening, animated credits, and some b-roll from the first film. To be clear to the audience, who most likely are quite lit by this point, Van Slender even points out that this is like Robin Hood and Sherwood Forest, for those baked or unread enough not to know.

Just a digression, in the first film, Van Slender’s catchphrase was the titular, “Alien Danger!” Here it’s “Adventure awaits!” However, the “Alien Danger” line is also used. No point in me mentioning this, just observing.

As with Part 1, most of the “alien” differentiation is face make-up of different colors (again, as with the previous review, I give you the original “Star Trek” series, which often employed this style to indicate difference of aliens). Here, there are also uses of some different masks, many of which actually look quite good, lots of CGI effects, and especially the use of Green Screen technology (I am convinced that “Star Trek” would have done the same if the means were available in the 1960s).

After we leave the forest, the next genre bending is based on the mythical Western at the Okie-Dokie Corral, with cowboys and cattle. Okay, forget the cattle, but there is a campfire (well, a fire pit anyway, and no beans). After the obligatory showdown, we next slide over to a world of professional wrestling, which explains the cameos by the likes of Sgt. Slaughter, Barry “Krusher Khrushchev” Darslow, and Sione “Tonga” Valihai. And still only 30 minutes in.

At around 45 minutes, the group is fighting monsters on another planet. We also find out some personal information about our titular hero. At 50 minutes, we’re back in ancient Egypt and Cleopatra (Tracee Cocco) and her killer Martian mummy(s) … yeah, you read that right. There are a bunch of short bits after that such as an intergalactic Ouija board, but I’ll leave it for now rather than cataloging.

The point of me stating the times is the indication tat there is a lot going on here. Perhaps its not a consistent narrative or cohesive story, but the set pieces keep the viewer from getting bored. After all, like puns – one of the director’s specialties to the point where he has a book published of them James Balsamo’s Total Pun-ishment; Bad Joke Book – if something that is silly goes on too long, it gets wearing, but by changing it around so much, the interest of “what the hell next?” may keep your attention.

Of course, there are a lot of cameos, such as director John Landis and the always fun Vernon Wells, who I still believe is the best character of Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior (1981), and actually shows some actual acting chop while seeming to really have fun with his role here, sans mohawk. But it is worth noting the following: used to be most of the cameos in early Balsamo releases tended to be filmed in an alley behind whichever horror convention or metal concert he attended, and usually they just insulted or beat up on Balsamo, sometimes both. While Landis is a quick come and go, others like Wells are actually incorporated into the story, in this case as a helmeted villain, The Shadow Knight (who subtly quotes John Cleese’s Black Knight in 1975’s Monty Python and the Holy Grail!). The quality of the cameos is improving.

Yes, there are more in the franchise coming, such as Alien Danger 3: With Raven Van Slender, and Raven Van Slender Saves Christmas, both expected by the end of this year.

IMDB listing HERE 

Review: Alien Danger! With Raven Van Slender

Text © Richard Gary / Indie Horror Films Blog, 2022
Images from the Internet

Alien Danger! With Raven Van Slender
Directed by James Balsamo
Acid Bath Productions; Alien Donut Films
80 minutes; 2021
www.facebook.com/acidbathproductions/

James Balsamo must be one of the most prolific directors on the indie scene. In fact, I cannot think of anyone of the top of my head with the output level he has achieved, except possibly Mark Polonia.

Let’s say right from the start, if you are not familiar with the works of Balsamo, that he has a sharp auteur direction, with nearly all his films being not only comedies, but what you find when you go further than over-the-top. And yet, I’m a fan.

Despite his prolificosity (yeah, I know it’s not a real word, but go with me), I do believe that this is Balsamo’s first delving into science fiction. The feel of the film is mixed. It reminds me a bit of the outrageous 1970s sex space comedies like Spaced Out (1979) and 2069: A Sex Odyssey (1974), and yet retains the goofiness of television kids shows like “HR Pufnstuf” (1967-70) and ”Sigmund and the Sea Monsters” (1973-75).

Our hero is the funny Raven Van Slender (Bill Victor Arucan), whose space crew, including Eepa the Nood (director James Balsamo, who [purposefully] over-plays more than one role here), who runs afoul of the evil Overlord Enil (also Arucan) doing his best Ming the Merciless.

While much of the make-up is colorful face paint (remember the budget), the thing you may notice from the start is the large amount of animation. As usual, the credits are cartoons, but we get to see odd creatures on other planets that are either puppets, CGI or stop motion photography. Either way, it may not look realistic (again, budget), but it is incredibly imaginative and fun. And the main focus of a Balsamo film is the fun quotient, which overrides everything else, be it overacting, cheesy sets (more on that in a moment), the common use of green screen technology, or pastel make-up. Now, yes, the sets look like they cost about a dollar-fifty, but you know what, have you watched the original “Star Trek”? The sets (especially other planets) are comparable, so just enjoy it and don’t think too hard.

Much of the opening is exposition about the background of our hero (spoken by an animated Cyclops-eyed blob. But it also includes some nice easter eggs, such as a shot of a beach that is the locale of the iconic finale to the original The Planet of the Apes (1968). There are also subtle flashbacks to previous Balsamo releases, such as the bat from Bite School (2015) a creature from It Wants Blood! (2019), and the diver from Killer Waves (2016).

As always, Balsamo relies on a core of his usual cast, such as Arucan and the flexible Katherine Pegova, but there is the ever present and numerous cameos, as well, such as Rob Halford of Judas Priest, a seemingly confused Tommy Chong, Joe Estevez (Charlie Sheen’s brother), Tuesday Knight (1988’s A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Warrior, Beverly Randolph (1983’s The Return of the Living Dead), and many others, including a version of the gorilla alien from Robot Monster (1953).

There is not as much a coherent story, though there is the backbone of one, as much as set pieces that give Balsamo a chance to show off the animation and imagination. Van Slender and his loyal crew of misfits battle against the Evil Overlord.

My only real quibble with the film is that sometimes the sound is either too low for this old man’s ears (too many Ramones – and others – shows in my youth), or occasionally the voice is manipulated electronically, and I can’t really make out what is being said. But if it is uttered by Eepa the Nood, you know it’s going to be a pun, since Balsamo is a pun king. Speaking of which, unlike most previous Balsamo films, there is no “Nood-ity,’ including toplessness. The sexiest thing is Pegova’s fully clothed silver onesie outfit. However, true to form, there is a subtle drug reference with some mention of mushrooms that are magic, though not consumed.

I could go as far as say that this could probably play on broadcast television practically uncut. I actually hope that does not deter anyone, because, and I’ll say it again, it is completely goofy fun, and if you are into imbibing in substances, liquid or plant, you might find yourself having WTF laughs.

Stick around after the credits for a music video directly connected to the film, by the… group? single performer? The Toy Dolls, from the UK. Reminds me of the early version of the New York band The Fast, or an upbeat adaption of Gary Numan-kind of synthesizer pop.

The review of the sequel Alien Danger 2! With Raven Van Slender, will be the next blog.

IMDB listing HERE 

Review: Cool as Hell 2: The Quest for God’s Bong

Text © Richard Gary / Indie Horror Films, 2019

Images from the Internet

Cool as Hell 2: The Quest for God’s Bong

Directed by James Balsamo

Acid Bath Productions

90 minutes, 2019

www.facebook.com/coolashell2/

www.acidbathproductions.com

I once heard Johnny Cash sing a song that basically went, “Everybody loves a nut / the whole world loves a weirdo / Brains are in a rut, but / Everybody loves a nut.” How did he know there would be a James Balsamo? And I really do mean this in the kindest of ways.

Michael Berryman

As a filmmaker, Balsamo is quite prolific, but even so, this is his first sequel, based on the original film from 2013. Even before we re-meet the two main characters, Rich (Balsamo) and Benny (Dan E. Danger), we are fed a fake trailer, and are introduced to the devil in the form of a hysterical cameo by the Michael Berryman.

While this is a sequel, it is actually quite different than most of Balsamo’s previous work. Don’t get me wrong, if you’re looking for puns, drugs and nudity, you have come to the right place. It’s more the narrative structure to which I am referring. With the possible exception of Mind Melters: A Collection of Short Films which I reviewed recently on this blog, there has been a somewhat linear storyline in Balsamo’s work with some weirdness thrown in. Here, it’s more of the opposite: a cobbling of short bits with the thinnest of cohesiveness. Am I complaining? Absolutely not. Despite this abolition from the relative norm, this comes as no surprise to me. Lemme ‘splain…

Balsamo’s life lately has been on a higher speed gear. He’s making appearances in his (and other people’s) films, he’s going to conventions where he can get some great cameos by musicians and genre actors (this is definitely one of his constants in his relatively later releases) – as well as to make to make some cash selling his films there – and he (and his bro) recently moved coasts, from Long Island, NY to sunny California. It’s no surprise that time for continuity quality control would be moved a bit to the wayside. Rent’s gotta be payed Jack, and we happily get to smirk at the work that comes out of that.

Melody Peng

Let me digress a bit and say that bongs, in and of themselves, have become a bit of a horror trope of late, with the likes of Bong of the Dead (2011) and the numerous Evil Bong franchise (you read right). It’s gotten to the point where, and this is true, someone came to me recently and complained that no potential employer would answer her emails, which was bongmistress69@ (etc.). Stoners – of which I’m not – be it Bill and Ted, Cheech and Chong, or in this case Rich and Benny, are stumbling their way into the movie watchers’ hearts and buzzed out minds. On reflection, it might also explain the way this release is all over the map.

The story, such as is it is, finds Benny in hell watching television for most of the film, as he’s forced to see programing (or real life?) that presents people dying in the oddest of ways (I’ll give away one: guy tries to clean out his ears with his electric toothbrush), whether intentional or not. Rich is feeling guilty and is trying to bring Benny back with the help of demons Az (Billy Walsh) and Raa (Pat Shea); question is are they helping or hindering, or just enabling. You decide.

Carmine Capobiano, JB, Debbie Rochon

Along the way, Rich picks up a new girlfriend (Melody Peng) and gets insulted or punched by a string of cameo-appearing semi-famous people (Bumblefoot, Michael St. Michaels, for example… there are plenty of others). This second part is consistent with the first Cool as Hell release as well.

Some of the cameos are definitely off the cuff, such as the confusing (due to fuzzy sound) yet amusing scene with two people I admire, Carmine Capobianco and the effervescent Debbie Rochon. Others, you can actually watch the person’s eyes move along with the text as they face the camera. 

JB, Linnea Quigley

Also amusing. Here’s a cool as hell drinking game (or taking a bong hit): pick either ad lib or scripted, and whenever a cameo happens, you drink or drag if your opinion is it’s one of those two. Then there is Frank Mullen (vocalist of the Long Island-based ex-death metal band, Suffocation) reviving his rage and cursing infused character in a cameo, who feels like a mix of both.

Holding the story somewhat together is Rick’s voiceover narrative, usually accompanied visually by landscapes filmed from out of a plane window. It’s an interesting concept, and I’ll go with it, especially since there’s a lot of it, and sometimes it’s the only explanation for what we have just watched, or sets up what we are about to see (or both).

So, by the end, where does all this bring us? To both the usual Balsamo and the unusual Balsamo, which oddly enough meets on either end. Despite the irregular format of snippets tied into a story, we also get exactly what one would expect from one of his films, and that’s a mish mash of masks, boobs, blood, and bonkers humor.

And yes, we do get to hook up again with the blue and yellow booger (puppet) named Booghar.