Text © Richard Gary / Indie Horror Films, 2019
Images from the Internet
Cool as Hell 2: The Quest for God’s Bong
Directed by James Balsamo
Acid Bath Productions
90 minutes, 2019
I once heard Johnny Cash
sing a song that basically
went, “Everybody loves a nut / the whole world loves a weirdo / Brains are in a
rut, but / Everybody loves a nut.” How did he know there would be a James
Balsamo? And I really do mean this in the kindest of ways.
 |
| Michael Berryman |
As a filmmaker,
Balsamo is quite prolific, but even so, this is his first sequel, based on the
original film from 2013. Even before we re-meet the two main characters, Rich
(Balsamo) and Benny (Dan E. Danger), we are fed a fake trailer, and are
introduced to the devil in the form of a hysterical cameo by the Michael
Berryman.
While this is a sequel,
it is actually quite different than most of Balsamo’s previous work. Don’t get
me wrong, if you’re looking for puns, drugs and nudity, you have come to the
right place. It’s more the narrative structure to which I am referring. With
the possible exception of Mind Melters: A Collection of Short Films which
I reviewed recently on this blog, there has been a somewhat linear storyline in
Balsamo’s work with some weirdness thrown in. Here, it’s more of the opposite:
a cobbling of short bits with the thinnest of cohesiveness. Am I complaining? Absolutely
not. Despite this abolition from the relative norm, this comes as no surprise
to me. Lemme ‘splain…
Balsamo’s life lately
has been on a higher speed gear. He’s making appearances in his (and other
people’s) films, he’s going to conventions where he can get some great cameos
by musicians and genre actors (this is definitely one of his constants in his relatively
later releases) – as well as to make to make some cash selling his films there –
and he (and his bro) recently moved coasts, from Long Island, NY to sunny
California. It’s no surprise that time for continuity quality control would be
moved a bit to the wayside. Rent’s gotta be payed Jack, and we happily get to
smirk at the work that comes out of that.
 |
| Melody Peng |
Let me digress a bit and
say that bongs, in and of themselves, have become a bit of a horror trope of late,
with the likes of Bong of the Dead (2011) and the numerous Evil Bong
franchise (you read right). It’s gotten to the point where, and this is true,
someone came to me recently and complained that no potential employer would answer
her emails, which was bongmistress69@ (etc.). Stoners – of which I’m not – be
it Bill and Ted, Cheech and Chong, or in this case Rich and Benny, are
stumbling their way into the movie watchers’ hearts and buzzed out minds. On
reflection, it might also explain the way this release is all over the
map.
The story, such as is
it is, finds Benny in hell watching television for most of the film, as he’s
forced to see programing (or real life?) that presents people dying in the
oddest of ways (I’ll give away one: guy tries to clean out his ears with his
electric toothbrush), whether intentional or not. Rich is feeling guilty and is
trying to bring Benny back with the help of demons Az (Billy Walsh) and Raa
(Pat Shea); question is are they helping or hindering, or just enabling. You
decide.
 |
| Carmine Capobiano, JB, Debbie Rochon |
Along the way, Rich
picks up a new girlfriend (Melody Peng) and gets insulted or punched by a
string of cameo-appearing semi-famous people (Bumblefoot, Michael St. Michaels,
for example… there are plenty of others). This second part is consistent
with the first Cool as Hell release as well.
Some of the cameos are
definitely off the cuff, such as the confusing (due to fuzzy sound) yet amusing
scene with two people I admire, Carmine Capobianco and the effervescent Debbie
Rochon. Others, you can actually watch the person’s eyes move along with the text
as they face the camera.
 |
| JB, Linnea Quigley |
Also amusing. Here’s a cool as hell drinking game (or
taking a bong hit): pick either ad lib or scripted, and whenever a cameo
happens, you drink or drag if your opinion is it’s one of those two. Then there
is Frank Mullen (vocalist
of the Long Island-based ex-death metal band, Suffocation) reviving his rage and
cursing infused character in a cameo, who feels like a mix of both.
Holding the story
somewhat together is Rick’s voiceover narrative, usually accompanied visually
by landscapes filmed from out of a plane window. It’s an interesting concept,
and I’ll go with it, especially since there’s a lot of it, and sometimes it’s
the only explanation for what we have just watched, or sets up what we are
about to see (or both).
So, by the end, where
does all this bring us? To both the usual Balsamo and the unusual Balsamo,
which oddly enough meets on either end. Despite the irregular format of snippets
tied into a story, we also get exactly what one would expect from one of his
films, and that’s a mish mash of masks, boobs, blood, and bonkers humor.
And yes, we do get to hook up
again with the blue and yellow booger (puppet) named Booghar.
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