Two Quirky Reviews: Bloodlines: The Cojones Virus; and Evil Head: Dead by Dong

Text © Richard Gary / Indie Horror Films, 2022|
Images from the Internet

The Cojones Virus
Directed by Evan Jacobs
Anhedenia Films Unlimited
46 minutes; 2022
https://movieweb.com/anhedenia-films-on-demand-evan-jacobs/

Lately I have been reviewing some heavy, psychological and arty films. Well, now it is time to kick back and watch something completely ridiculous to cleanse the palate. And what better than swollen testicles with a mind of their own. Body parts with attitude is not new, with the likes of Teeth (2007), She Kills (2015), and Killer Rack (2017). 

We meet our bubba-esque protagonist, Chad (Mike Hartsfield) as he is on a road trip. He’s a salesman, and he is on the phone talking smack to his coworkers, and even his mom. Not the most likeable shlub in the world. He’s the redneck who wears a cap that reads “Ask me about my butthole.” That kinda guy.

Stopping at a rest stop, he is bitten by a bug that – er – gives him a bug: the titular Cojones Virus. At first he’s sick to his stomach (did they really need to show close-ups of his vomiting?), then watch him writhe (while driving) in pain as his testes engorge. But once they’re the size they are going to be (big enough to sling over his shoulder), he calms down and even has two-way conversations with them.

Through this all, Chad is shoving gum in his mouth, and smoking incessantly, sometimes three at a time (including occasionally one of three with filter out). And he talks to himself a lot (exposition for the viewer). In fact, though there are other voices, Chad is the only one we see on screen the entire time.

Yes, this film is quite ridiculous, but it is purposely so, although it would be just as effective it was under 30 minutes. Listening to him whine for most of the second half got a bit tiresome, though at the same time understandable: I would whine too if I was in his position.

While there are a couple of scenes at rest stops or on the side of the road as Chad pukes, nearly all of the film is from the passenger seat, focused on driver Chad (though there are also numerous shots of the sometimes-beautiful scenery of Arizona; could Chad represent the right wing that is ruining that state as a social commentary?).

Some of the director’s other films include the Death Toilet franchise (you heard me; I think there is five in the series), and a documentary about local 1990s hardcore music, Orange County Hardcore Scenester (2013).

I don’t really know how I feel about this film. I like the premise, and that it is goofy AF, but the length is a bit daunting. If you get a chance to see it, give it a try. You might find yourself on the ball.

IMDB listing HERE

 

 

Evil Head: Dead by Dong
Directed by Thomas Smith
Fighting Owl Films; Troma Entertainment
9 minutes; 2022

From the excellent work I have seen by director Thomas Smith, mostly it has been in the PG-rating arena, such as The Night Shift (2010) and Demon Squad (2019). As with the others, there is a strong comic element to the demonic story.

We meet the two leads and only two living characters, Carla (Erin Lilley) and Steve (Scott Alan Warner), as they are mid-hooking up from a blind date. Sneaking off to get some “inspiration” (i.e., an erection), he accidently spills some mojo juice from a bottle on a two-sided (of various sizes), dildo that Carla seems to have left on her bed. Somehow, this gets the dildo demonically possessed with a one-sided mind of its own.

The dildo attacks several holes and sprays green goo ejaculation, while Carla and Steve fight back as they can. Are these two destined for each other? Will the evil dildo win its bid for sexual domination? These are all explored in the story, which had me laughing.

Some of the images are dark blue in hue, but all of it is easy to see, and if you like soft-core adult content even with little nudity presented, this is a hoot.

IMDB listing HERE

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