Two Quirky Reviews: Bloodlines: The Cojones Virus; and Evil Head: Dead by Dong

Text © Richard Gary / Indie Horror Films, 2022|
Images from the Internet

The Cojones Virus
Directed by Evan Jacobs
Anhedenia Films Unlimited
46 minutes; 2022
https://movieweb.com/anhedenia-films-on-demand-evan-jacobs/

Lately I have been reviewing some heavy, psychological and arty films. Well, now it is time to kick back and watch something completely ridiculous to cleanse the palate. And what better than swollen testicles with a mind of their own. Body parts with attitude is not new, with the likes of Teeth (2007), She Kills (2015), and Killer Rack (2017). 

We meet our bubba-esque protagonist, Chad (Mike Hartsfield) as he is on a road trip. He’s a salesman, and he is on the phone talking smack to his coworkers, and even his mom. Not the most likeable shlub in the world. He’s the redneck who wears a cap that reads “Ask me about my butthole.” That kinda guy.

Stopping at a rest stop, he is bitten by a bug that – er – gives him a bug: the titular Cojones Virus. At first he’s sick to his stomach (did they really need to show close-ups of his vomiting?), then watch him writhe (while driving) in pain as his testes engorge. But once they’re the size they are going to be (big enough to sling over his shoulder), he calms down and even has two-way conversations with them.

Through this all, Chad is shoving gum in his mouth, and smoking incessantly, sometimes three at a time (including occasionally one of three with filter out). And he talks to himself a lot (exposition for the viewer). In fact, though there are other voices, Chad is the only one we see on screen the entire time.

Yes, this film is quite ridiculous, but it is purposely so, although it would be just as effective it was under 30 minutes. Listening to him whine for most of the second half got a bit tiresome, though at the same time understandable: I would whine too if I was in his position.

While there are a couple of scenes at rest stops or on the side of the road as Chad pukes, nearly all of the film is from the passenger seat, focused on driver Chad (though there are also numerous shots of the sometimes-beautiful scenery of Arizona; could Chad represent the right wing that is ruining that state as a social commentary?).

Some of the director’s other films include the Death Toilet franchise (you heard me; I think there is five in the series), and a documentary about local 1990s hardcore music, Orange County Hardcore Scenester (2013).

I don’t really know how I feel about this film. I like the premise, and that it is goofy AF, but the length is a bit daunting. If you get a chance to see it, give it a try. You might find yourself on the ball.

IMDB listing HERE

 

 

Evil Head: Dead by Dong
Directed by Thomas Smith
Fighting Owl Films; Troma Entertainment
9 minutes; 2022

From the excellent work I have seen by director Thomas Smith, mostly it has been in the PG-rating arena, such as The Night Shift (2010) and Demon Squad (2019). As with the others, there is a strong comic element to the demonic story.

We meet the two leads and only two living characters, Carla (Erin Lilley) and Steve (Scott Alan Warner), as they are mid-hooking up from a blind date. Sneaking off to get some “inspiration” (i.e., an erection), he accidently spills some mojo juice from a bottle on a two-sided (of various sizes), dildo that Carla seems to have left on her bed. Somehow, this gets the dildo demonically possessed with a one-sided mind of its own.

The dildo attacks several holes and sprays green goo ejaculation, while Carla and Steve fight back as they can. Are these two destined for each other? Will the evil dildo win its bid for sexual domination? These are all explored in the story, which had me laughing.

Some of the images are dark blue in hue, but all of it is easy to see, and if you like soft-core adult content even with little nudity presented, this is a hoot.

IMDB listing HERE

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Review: Backwoods

Text © Richard Gary / Indie Horror Films, 2020
Images from the Internet

Backwoods
Directed by Thomas Smith
Fighting Owl Films
70 minutes, 2020
www.fightingowlfilms.com

 Most of what I have seen of Thomas Smith’s films, such as The Night Shift (2011), Night of the Krampus (2013) and Demon Squad (2019) – all of which have been reviewed on this blog if you search for it – have been enjoyable, relatively horror fare lite with minimal blood, some good spooks, and a touch of 1940’s film-style banter and humor. Many of them seemed right for television series like “Supernatural” or “Buffy, the Vampire Slayer.”

For his new release, this time Smith has delved into darker territory, both zigging and zagging a new course from anything I have seen from him. That’s not to say there isn’t some wit involved, such as the football team being the Owls (yeah, their slogan is the Fighting Owls, of course) named after Smith’s production company, and the playing field is dedicated after Khristian Fulmer, who starred in most of Smith’s films. But I digress, as this one is much more serious…

Isabella Alberti, Michael Anthony Bagozzi

You know your night is going to be bad when you wake up after a post-high school football party in your cheerleader outfit, bound and gagged, as does our protagonist Molly (Isabella Alberti). That’s the opening situation with which we are presented. Through a series of flashbacks we get to learn how she got there, and we see how she end up in the backwoods of Alabama (where this was shot), home of the urban legendary Hangman (Scott Alan Warner), a serial killer who was known to murder the men and “keep” the women. Supposedly he was killed years before by the coppers but, this is a genre film.

The central characters are Molly, her incredible asswipe of a boyfriend/jock Hunter (Matthew McCoy), her younger sister Olive (Angelina Alberti), and the bullied waterboy, Noah (Michael Anthony Bagozzi), who is Molly’s friend. Along for the ride are some of Hunter’s pals (aka the body count).

Jeremy Sande, Matthew McCoy

There are multiple bad guys: Hunter, an older drug dealer (Jeremy Sande) who lusts after Molly, and of course there’s the Hangman. And then… well, like Sweeney Todd, he wouldn’t want us to give it away. Each has their own unconnected motives and singular desires, and all will converge at some point. That’s how genre films unfold.

As for the Hangman, lots of local areas have their own stories that overlap with these kinds of legends, such as when I was growing up in the New York area there was Cropsy that was told around the Cub Scout campfire, a burned killer in the woods waiting to kill campers (that I grew up in Brooklyn close to a street named Cropsy Avenue used to weird me out as a young’n); The Burning (1981) was based on this story. The Hangman doesn’t need a mask, and his disfiguring is not shied away from in the chronology (i.e., when you see him the first time, he’s shown clearly). He has a mutant look that would fit well in the family from The Hills Have Eyes (1977).

Personality wise, the Hangman is actually more “human” than most either masked or deformed killing machines in these types of releases, in that one can almost empathize with him at times, and Warner does an exceptional job expressing emotions through the big rubber mask and hands. Sometimes the viewer can care more about him than some of the victims, though the dread is still there. He makes listening to Christian music a bit ominous (okay, yeah, it is anyway, right?).

Scott Alan Warner: The Hangman

The film can be a bit talky at times, seeming to delay the action, but then again it does help with the character development, so it’s still a win-situation, unless you’re so hyped up and conditioned by modern fare you need quick editing and random slaughter. There are certainly some fun kills here, don’t get me wrong, and they are surely enjoyable, but it takes time. Then again, this would not be considered a “slow burner” either; it’s kind of in the middle, which is a nice place to be situated.

Speaking of the kills, even though the main antagonist is known as the Hangman, we get to see a number of people die a varied of ways, rarely by hanging, ironically. This is actually fine, because the way it is presented gives us a bit more blood and general mayhem. The only thing of which I’m not certain (perhaps I missed it?) is whether this Hangman is the same as the legend, or perhaps a progeny. Either way, it opens up for a franchise, which would be welcomed.

The visuals are beautifully shot by Kris Skoda, who also fills a bunch of other crew shoes. It is well written by husband and wife team of Smith and Erin Lilly (the latter of whom has a decent cameo role as “The Feral Woman,” aka Karen, though I don’t think she’ll be calling the cops on strangers), with lots of twists and unexpected turns, and as I said, which does well to build some character development that is so rare in these kinds of slaughter films.

As a departure from the tone of filmmaking he usually employs, Smith does a really fine job at giving us a mutant slasher, with a fine balance between art and blood, twixt talk and terror. I can honestly say, in the number of films of his I have seen, I have never been disappointed, and that includes this one.

Backwoods Trailer: TBD

Review: The Night Shift

Text © Richard Gary / Indie Horror Films, 2019
Images from the Internet

The Night Shift
Written, produced and directed by Thomas Smith
Fighting Owl Films / Distributed R-Squared Films
126 minutes, 2010
fightingowlfilms.com
rsquaredfilms.com
MVDvisual.com

No, this is not the Ron Howard-directed film starring Michael Keaton and Henry Winkler (1982), nor any of the other recent productions with similar names, but rather a new horror comedy. At first, from reading the treatment on the box, I was wondering if it had anything to do with the wonderful 1994 Italian film, Dellamorte Dellamore,  but I was mistaken (though there are some similarities).

In a lovely landscaped cemetery, where all of the action takes place (filmed in Mobile, ‘Bama), there are two shifts (12 hrs each?) of caretakers. The first, during the day, is unconventional beauty Claire Rennfield (played by Erin Lilley, who is also producer, and did sound, art, make-up, has a history in opera and dance – and did I mention she’s also married to the director?; her character is named after Renfield, in Dracula), who works during the days, and is the intermediary between the residents of the cemetery and the mysterious people who run it. The night shift is run by custodian Rue Morgan (as in Poe’s “Murders in the Rue Morgue,” portrayed by Khristian Fulmer), who died in 1929, a week before the Great Depression. As official custodian, he does not rot along with the rest of the residents. Oh, yes, the other residents… well, I’ll get to them.

Because Rue is mort and Claire is vive, there is sexual tension betwixt ‘em, but she won’t have anything to do with him because, well, he’s dead, and will never age. What to do, what to do… Rue talks it over with his best friend, a limbless and dressed up skeleton named Herbie West (voiced by Soren Odom, who is also the assistant director, cinematographer, and wrote the music; any horror fan will recognize the character’s name as coming from Re-Animator). Herbie, played by a skeleton puppet, is a smart ass and adds further comic relief.

While they all try to figure out this complicated relationship, there’s shenanigans afoot. Apparently, the cemetery is connected to another rival one, and by linking the two, it will cause a rift that will cause the apocalypse (nah, didn’t make sense to me either, but I’ll go with it). Who is the enemy here? Is it the teen werewolf (modeled, of course, after Michael Landon’s I Was a Teenage Werewolf, including pompadour)? The Rebel officer from the Civil War who is Rue’s biggest nemesis? The demon who shows up unexpectedly that Rue must distinguish? Perhaps the higher-ups themselves are behind it all? Honestly, 20 minutes in, if you can’t figure it out, hang your head.

Along with the questionable characters, there are some nice guys, too, such as the preppy guy who’s entire make-up is a pastel blue on his face who acts mentally slow, or a teen who was obviously killed when hit in the head with a baseball (it’s still lodged there), among others.

Apparently, it’s no big whoop to have the dead roaming around all night from either Claire or any of the others who sneak in. Rue’s job is to keep the residents in at night, and visitors out. Rue is dressed in suspenders and loose cap, looking and talking like a Bowery Boy (sans New York accent), but gee, that’s swell. Claire is a bit of a hard-ass, but one might even consider her harassed by this dead compadre who keeps hitting on her (though I doubt that came across the thoughts of the writers).

There’s no great special effects that happen, and just about no blood, with any violence shown (other than an intentionally humorous sword fight), this is actually less scary than, say, The Pirates of the Caribbean.

While some of the acting is stiff (pun intended), such as Jonathan Pruitt’s Reb captain Roderick, whose line reading is, well, awful (though he’s not the only one), there is still a positive feel to the production. Shot for an estimated $10,000, the film has a good look to it.

For a first (and so far only) full feature by director Thomas Smith, it really is a encouraging starting point. Hey, it even won Best Fantasy Feature at the Shockerfest International Film Festival 2011. 

If you are squeamish and have problems with some of the blood, gore, and sexuality of most of the (especially) indie films out these days, this is a safe place to start.

Review: Demon Squad

Text © Richard Gary / Indie Horror Films, 2019

Images from the Internet

 

Demon Squad (aka Night Hunters; Full Moon Inc.)

Directed by Thomas Smith

Fighting Owl Films / MVD Entertainment

97 minutes, 2019

www.mvdb2b.com

 

In a new world of who can top whom with gross violence and vivisections, sometimes someone has to step up and say, “Hey, here’s some good entertainment that’s based on the story, rather than being gory.” Thomas Smith has been that voice for a while now, thanks to his direction with films like The Night Shift (2011). One might call them PG-13, but more on that later.

 

Khristian Fulmer, Erin Liley

We are introduced to Nick Moon (Khristian Fulmer), a hard-hitting PI (Paranormal Investigator) modeled in the Sam Spade mode of the Noir detective stories. He’s got a smirk a mile long, an odd hat, and can throw an incantation or two for the viewers entertainment and his prey’s detriment. His assistant/Girl Friday is empath Daisy O’Reilly (Erin Liley), who gets to see as much action as does Nick – and rightfully so, as she’s an interesting character in her own right; note that Liley co-wrote the film with hubby Smith.

 

Into their squalid office comes vivacious femme fatale Lilah Fontaine (Leah Christine Johnson), a rich man’s daughter who hires Moon to find her missing dad. Of course, if you read mystery novels, you know there’s more than meets the eye-candy with Lilah.

 

The world our three main characters inhabit is a normalized mixture of human and demon, though most of the time it’s easy to tell who is which (which is who?) by the make-up. Some demons look like the blood suckers on “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” and “Angel” television shows, others like aliens on early “Star Trek” episodes, but most have some variation of horns. But mostly, they seem to like to hang out at demon bars and drink.

 

Leah Christine Johnson

While searching for Lilah’s dad, Moon and company get involved in the search for a mystical power source for a knife of unimaginable power in the right/wrong hands. Of course, every demon and religious order is trying to get a hold of it for whatever means, be it to use it to evil ends or to nullify that from happening. Naturally, all plots merge into a single point in the story.

 

Considering the size of the body count, there is almost no blood, though there is some violence in the fisticuffs and paranormal happenings (some involving portals!). Now, I belong to a lot of horror groups on social media, and invariably someone asks for a good starter horror film for someone in their youth (tweens or early teens, I am going to assume). I’ve seen someone suggest films like The Exorcist, which is way too adult. I would, however, recommend this one. There is a bit of occasional cussin’ here and there, but nothing compared to many cable shows. And the violence is definitely there – remember this is a genre film – on a scale that is equivalent to shows like SVU. In fact, this would make a great cable program, or on the CW channel, that I would watch. I’ve said this before about earlier Smith films, and stand by that.

 

The visuals as quite nice, without there being jump cuts. Brown tones seem to prevail, and a bit of steam punk paraphernalia is certainly present in Moon’s arsenal. Fulmer and Liley have been shown to have a nice platonic chemistry together in earlier Smith films, and continue to do so here. There is a bit of ham that shows up in the acting style here and there, but that is common in Noir films (e.g., Nicholson in 1974’s Chinatown).

 

What’s also enjoyable is the level of a-wink-and-a-nod humor that runs throughout the story. There are a lot of humorous lines of which Liley gets the bulk, but there is also that moment when Fulmer turns to the camera and knowingly smirks that’s bound to raise some smiles if you didn’t blink at that moment and miss it. It is little things like that which help keep the pace. Other than a couple of dialog heavy moments that may use some editing in my humble opinion, the dialog and action balance each other nicely to keep the story flowing.

 

Who would have thought of Mobile, Alabama, as a center of normalized demon inhabitation, rather than religious fanatics attacking them in the name of Jeebus? An aspect I like about Smith’s filmmaking is that we get to see quite a few back alleyways of the city, but it never gives the impression of being a run-down town, like Scorsese did with New York in 1974’s Taxi Driver.

 

While the demons are not scary in the Evil Dead or Italian horror kind of way, they are still interesting as villains, and the make-up tends to be cartoonish rather than frightful, but not in any negative way; rather it’s kinda cool. The make-up is appliance-based, but there are also numerous digital effects as well.

 

To sum up and paraphrase, for me a large part of what makes this film so much fun is that it’s story based rather than the plot revolving around wounds. While viscera are all well and good, it’s nice to follow a plot that is interesting in its own self. And Fulmer and Liley certainly are up for the task of presenting us that story.

 

 

 

Short film review: Night of the Krampus

Text © Richard Gary / Indie Horror Blog, 2013
Images from the Internet

 

Night of the Krampus
Written, edited and directed by Thomas Smith
Fighting Owl Films
26:24 minutes, 2013
www.fightingowlfilms.com
www.facebook.com/fightingowlfilms

Despite the hot temperature out there today, September is just a couple of days away and soon all the Christmas paraphernalia will be omnipresent. So why not discuss a film about the dark side of Santa, as it were?

Y’see, according to some actual legends out of the Alps area, the Krampus is a hairy, horned, long-tongued, coven-hoofed demon that is the negative side of Santa, punishing bad children to various degrees (from giving coal to eating them, depending on local lore), sometimes traveling with Santa, other times solo. [As an unrelated side note, I was thinking a melding of Santa and Krampus may produce the clown from IT… but I digress…]

There have been a number of Krampus presentations over the past few years, and Thomas Smith takes a fresh look at it through the eyes of his stalwart center characters from his film from 2010, The Night Shift. As a reminder, Rue Morgan, who died in the 1920s, is a ghost caretaker who protects a cemetery from evil through the graciousness of the mysterious “management” who run the graveyard build on an inter-dimensional rift. Dressed like Butch from the Little Rascals, and carrying a big revolver, he is the heroic character. Played by Khristian Fulmer, he’s a cinematic stereotypical jazz-era man’s man while being easily likeable. This is due entirely on Khristian’s role playing, making Rue into a charmer rather than being smarmy, thanks to his line readings. His companion is sharp-tongued (as it were) Herbie West (get it?), an armless and legless skeleton that Rue carries in his backpack, who expresses less than subtle hints of being Jewish, voiced well by Soren Odom.



Claire Rennfield and Rue Morgan are on the case

The last (but not least) of the troupe is the only one of the three still living, Claire Rennfield, played by Erin Lilley. She is the go-between for the residents of the cemetery and management. She also fits the “Rupert Giles” (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) role, up on most of the supernatural shenanigans through a book called the Phenomicon. And she’s going to need it on this new case for our bi-worldly detectives.

Apparently, some nasty kids (about tween years) around a cul-de-sac have gone missing around the holiday season, and management, believing it not to be of a natural cause, permit Rue and Herbie off the grounds – under the guardianship of Claire, of course. It isn’t long – and I mean what seems like an hour – before they’re smack dab in the middle. Well, after all, this is a short film.

I have to say I really like these three characters, and the actors have been in quite a few films together with director Smith, so they just seem very comfortable with each other. The dialog is usually snappy, and they all wear it like a leather glove. Sure, there isn’t time for character development in such a short piece, but thanks to some quick exposition – or if seen after The Night Shift – that’s enough.

Like many small films (this one cost about $5,000, through public fundraising), much of the crew wear many hats. For example, Erin also does quite a bit of the make-up for those natural and super-, including a terrific job on the Krampus (Brendon Cooke). Plus, I am willing to bet that she helps with the storyline and dialogue in an unofficial manner. Khristian supervises and choreographs the fight scenes, of which there is a long one between… well, I won’t give it away. Soren is more of a Renaissance man: not only does he voice Herbie, but he is director of photography, does the music, and handles some lighting.

There are still some growing pains here and there on a nit-pick level, such as one of the child actors always smiling (my guess due to being new on camera), and the apparent need to verbalize the obvious. An example of this is when Claire finds something in a back yard; she holds it up and announces it as “soot,” even though we just saw the same kind of smudge a few minutes before.

But the important thing is that this is a patter comedy that probably would have even played well in the theaters in the 40s, with Bob Hope in the lead. There are some nice tense moments, but generally this is solid PG. After some of the stuff I’ve seen lately, that is a nice relief.

I do want to add that I hope these likeable characters are continued. Heck, I’d love to see this as a weekly television show. It has its chills, and yet is stylized in a pleasing way. Having seen a few films of Smith’s, both full-length and shorts, he definitely has a style, and it is one I enjoy.