Review: Calamity of Snakes

Text © Richard Gary / Indie Horror Films, 2023
Images from the Internet

Calamity of Snakes (aka Ren she da zhan; 人蛇大戰)
Directed by Chi Chan;
Chi He Film Company; Kee Woo Film (HK) Co; Unearthed Classics; MVD Visual
86 minutes, 1982 / 2022
www.unearthedvideo.com
www.MVDVisual.com

Definitely not one to watch if you have Ophidiophobia like Indiana Jones: a fear of snakes. The snakes used are real, so there is no – er – squirming out of this.

This Category 3 film from Hong Kong (though shot in Taiwan), has been never released on digital discs in the form of DVD or Blu-ray until now. Available here are the original Mandarin, as well as the English dub of its initial release. There is also a “Cruelty-free Version,” which I will discuss later in this review.

There is a level of infamy for this, for many reason, but mostly being bat-shit (snake-shit?) crazy. It is vicious, nasty, and deadly. And then there are the snakes. In a theme similar to the Italian giallos filmed in South America such as 1980’s Cannibal Holocaust, numerous real reptiles were viciously and vividly killed during the making of it, but that is where the “Cruelty-free Version” comes in if you do not want to see that aspect. Also, it is worth noting that a percentage of all profits, whatever the format, will be donated to Save the Snakes in continuation of their mission to protect snake populations around the world.

Needless to say, I watched the original in Chinese and uncut, not because I hate snakes (I am only afraid of ones I know are dangerous, or ones that I meet in the wild and am not sure), but to place it in the context of when the film was released, during the heyday of Hong Kong horror. There is a new, 2023 documentary on that topic included on the disc, From Shaw to Snakes: The Venom and Violence of Early Chinese Language Horror Cinema (116 minutes), directed by Naomi Holwill.

Like films such as Frogs (1972) or The Happening (2008), this is a supernatural revenge of nature to atone for violence against its creatures. Do I need to say what kind? Did not think so. The basic set up is that a conglomerate wants to build a new high rise apartment complex (I have been to China, and they are still doing it in droves to temporarily bolster the economy; again I digress…). However, they discover a multitude of snakes on the spot where the building is to be constructed, so Fu-Ren “time is money” Jiang, the CEO who is overseeing the project with his lacky and comedy relief Peter Ma (Ping-Ou Wei, d. 1989), gives the orders to kill all the snakes to make it habitable for the new tenants-to-be.

Jiang’s wife, Shumei, who witnesses the slaughter (which I found profoundly sad, especially the level of glee as they actually torture the poor creatures), prays to Avalokitasvara, who helps Bodhisattva (people on their way to enlightenment; thank you Wikipedia) for forgiveness in fear of retribution for her husband’s evil deed.

On the side of the snakes, is the architect from Harvard, Dr. Zhengfeng Xu (Yun-Peng Hsiang, aka Wan-Pang Heung, who passed away recently). He is slowly building a relationship with Jiang’s spoiled but cute daughter, Xiumei. Surely a comeuppance is coming after by the third act (I am at the beginning of the second as I write this).

The real fun starts when the building is opened, and the condos start selling to various types, including a “Karen” and the flirtatious young girlfriend of an elderly rich man. You just know who will be future fodder because the story focuses on them, and they act like they deserve a “spanking” from Avalokitasvara.

The snakes include poisonous cobras (I wonder if they “drained” them first), but the lead snakes are huge pythons that are not to the ridiculous size of 1997’s Anaconda, but still impressive. To try to get rid of the snakes, they call in a professional snake handler/entertainer, Master Lin (Yuen Kao, rather than Samuel L. Jackson). Their centerpiece man-vs.-snake kung fu scene is definitely a highlight, though there is more than one martial snake involved (as puppets, with that boing “springing” sound used popularly in kung fu films of the period as things go flying).

The scenes where snakes are killed be it by humans or by a bunch of mongooses (to upbeat and cheerful music!), lasts way longer than necessary, lingering on the snakeicide in almost fetishistic fashion. This is technically a comedy, but it seems like being cruel is a point. There are literally thousands of the creatures that are killed on screen, and only two of the reptiles on the screen are fake (those puppets I mentioned earlier)

I was amused that at one point, in the background soundtrack, you could hear Tchaikovsky’s “Overture 1812.” Also, when was the last time you saw an elevator with a 13th floor, other than the Texas psychedelic band? Then there is the “Benny Hill” sped-up with bouncy carousel music moment that also fat shames.

The other extras on the Blu-ray are “Reptilian Recollections: Lin Kuang-Yung in Conversation with Chui-Yi Chung” where one of the actors talks with the director and co-writer, and a full-length commentary with writer and editor Nathan Hamilton and film director Brad Slaton. Last are an “Alternate Credits” and an image gallery.

Generally, as films go, this was a hoot. The story was silly as shit, as one might expect (and hope for the period and topic), reminding me of the likes of Squirm (1976) and Slugs (1988), but honestly, I will never watch this again, due to its level of cruelty to living creatures who were killed for no reason (even if in the film they have snake soup, eat organs, and drink snake blood). If this was made today, and it was CGI or even practical SFX, I would see the same scenes and smile. But this is inexcusable.

Now I know that what I have just said is actually going to intrigue a certain group of people into seeing it, and I have no problem about it (at least the snakes would not have completely died in vain, nor vein), but I am at an age now where I prefer the SFX and CGI fakery to the actual destruction of animals for profit.

IMDB listing HERE