Review: Calamity of Snakes

Text © Richard Gary / Indie Horror Films, 2023
Images from the Internet

Calamity of Snakes (aka Ren she da zhan; 人蛇大戰)
Directed by Chi Chan;
Chi He Film Company; Kee Woo Film (HK) Co; Unearthed Classics; MVD Visual
86 minutes, 1982 / 2022
www.unearthedvideo.com
www.MVDVisual.com

Definitely not one to watch if you have Ophidiophobia like Indiana Jones: a fear of snakes. The snakes used are real, so there is no – er – squirming out of this.

This Category 3 film from Hong Kong (though shot in Taiwan), has been never released on digital discs in the form of DVD or Blu-ray until now. Available here are the original Mandarin, as well as the English dub of its initial release. There is also a “Cruelty-free Version,” which I will discuss later in this review.

There is a level of infamy for this, for many reason, but mostly being bat-shit (snake-shit?) crazy. It is vicious, nasty, and deadly. And then there are the snakes. In a theme similar to the Italian giallos filmed in South America such as 1980’s Cannibal Holocaust, numerous real reptiles were viciously and vividly killed during the making of it, but that is where the “Cruelty-free Version” comes in if you do not want to see that aspect. Also, it is worth noting that a percentage of all profits, whatever the format, will be donated to Save the Snakes in continuation of their mission to protect snake populations around the world.

Needless to say, I watched the original in Chinese and uncut, not because I hate snakes (I am only afraid of ones I know are dangerous, or ones that I meet in the wild and am not sure), but to place it in the context of when the film was released, during the heyday of Hong Kong horror. There is a new, 2023 documentary on that topic included on the disc, From Shaw to Snakes: The Venom and Violence of Early Chinese Language Horror Cinema (116 minutes), directed by Naomi Holwill.

Like films such as Frogs (1972) or The Happening (2008), this is a supernatural revenge of nature to atone for violence against its creatures. Do I need to say what kind? Did not think so. The basic set up is that a conglomerate wants to build a new high rise apartment complex (I have been to China, and they are still doing it in droves to temporarily bolster the economy; again I digress…). However, they discover a multitude of snakes on the spot where the building is to be constructed, so Fu-Ren “time is money” Jiang, the CEO who is overseeing the project with his lacky and comedy relief Peter Ma (Ping-Ou Wei, d. 1989), gives the orders to kill all the snakes to make it habitable for the new tenants-to-be.

Jiang’s wife, Shumei, who witnesses the slaughter (which I found profoundly sad, especially the level of glee as they actually torture the poor creatures), prays to Avalokitasvara, who helps Bodhisattva (people on their way to enlightenment; thank you Wikipedia) for forgiveness in fear of retribution for her husband’s evil deed.

On the side of the snakes, is the architect from Harvard, Dr. Zhengfeng Xu (Yun-Peng Hsiang, aka Wan-Pang Heung, who passed away recently). He is slowly building a relationship with Jiang’s spoiled but cute daughter, Xiumei. Surely a comeuppance is coming after by the third act (I am at the beginning of the second as I write this).

The real fun starts when the building is opened, and the condos start selling to various types, including a “Karen” and the flirtatious young girlfriend of an elderly rich man. You just know who will be future fodder because the story focuses on them, and they act like they deserve a “spanking” from Avalokitasvara.

The snakes include poisonous cobras (I wonder if they “drained” them first), but the lead snakes are huge pythons that are not to the ridiculous size of 1997’s Anaconda, but still impressive. To try to get rid of the snakes, they call in a professional snake handler/entertainer, Master Lin (Yuen Kao, rather than Samuel L. Jackson). Their centerpiece man-vs.-snake kung fu scene is definitely a highlight, though there is more than one martial snake involved (as puppets, with that boing “springing” sound used popularly in kung fu films of the period as things go flying).

The scenes where snakes are killed be it by humans or by a bunch of mongooses (to upbeat and cheerful music!), lasts way longer than necessary, lingering on the snakeicide in almost fetishistic fashion. This is technically a comedy, but it seems like being cruel is a point. There are literally thousands of the creatures that are killed on screen, and only two of the reptiles on the screen are fake (those puppets I mentioned earlier)

I was amused that at one point, in the background soundtrack, you could hear Tchaikovsky’s “Overture 1812.” Also, when was the last time you saw an elevator with a 13th floor, other than the Texas psychedelic band? Then there is the “Benny Hill” sped-up with bouncy carousel music moment that also fat shames.

The other extras on the Blu-ray are “Reptilian Recollections: Lin Kuang-Yung in Conversation with Chui-Yi Chung” where one of the actors talks with the director and co-writer, and a full-length commentary with writer and editor Nathan Hamilton and film director Brad Slaton. Last are an “Alternate Credits” and an image gallery.

Generally, as films go, this was a hoot. The story was silly as shit, as one might expect (and hope for the period and topic), reminding me of the likes of Squirm (1976) and Slugs (1988), but honestly, I will never watch this again, due to its level of cruelty to living creatures who were killed for no reason (even if in the film they have snake soup, eat organs, and drink snake blood). If this was made today, and it was CGI or even practical SFX, I would see the same scenes and smile. But this is inexcusable.

Now I know that what I have just said is actually going to intrigue a certain group of people into seeing it, and I have no problem about it (at least the snakes would not have completely died in vain, nor vein), but I am at an age now where I prefer the SFX and CGI fakery to the actual destruction of animals for profit.

IMDB listing HERE

Review: Human Lanterns

Text © Richard Gary / Indie Horror Films, 2022
Images from the Internet

Human Lanterns (aka Ren pi deng long; Human Skin Lanterns)
Directed by Sun Chung
Shaw Brothers; Celestial Pictures; 88 Films; 88Asia Collection; MVD Entertainment
99 minutes, 1982 / 2022
www.MVDEntertainment.com

Back in the mid-1970s through the 1980s, if you were not there, it is hard to describe the effect and influence of the Shaw Brothers kung fu films, especially the ones taking place in some mystical time, long, long ago, when warriors with long hair could fly through the air, elderly people were the best fighters, and moustaches indicated evil.

Bruce Lee has survived the ages as far as legacy goes, but back then, it was the Shaw Brothers releases that were nearly omnipresent. There were theaters that dedicated themselves to showing them (such as one at the foot of the Manhattan Bridge), and a local New York station played their films every weekend at pre-set times.

But what I think helped popularize them were the sheer wackiness of the story mixed with a lot of martial arts action. Most were the equivalent of Roger Corman releases: you really needed to let go of any pretense towards art, and just enjoy the over acting and high drama for what it was: sheer entertainment. I have never seen this particular film before, so I am looking forward to it…

Tony Liu

The main theme of the story here, which is the complete and uncut version, is social jealousy in the feudal period of Phoenix Town. The main protagonist is wealthy warrior with classic Spock-like eyebrows, Lung Shu-Ai (Tony Liu), who is in rivalry with the local mustachioed Third Master T’an-Fu (Kuan Tai Chen). T’an provokes him by choosing Lung’s favorite prostitute, Yen Chu (Linda Chu) as his own concubine at a big feast, therefore causing Lung to lose face. To be fair, Lung is not a nice guy, who is consumed by competitiveness.

To retaliate, Lung decides to use the upcoming Lantern Festival contest (for best lantern, natch; remember the film’s title) by getting a skilled lantern maker, Chao Ch’un-Fang (Lieh Lo), who was Lung’s previous rival for Lung’s present wife, Lady Chin (Ni Tien), to create a masterpiece for him.

Then, again considering the title, there is a horror aspect to the story, represented by some dude in a mixed monkey/skull mask and costume who wants to destroy Lung. He kidnaps a woman and brings her to his underground lair, reminiscent of The Phantom of the Opera. There he very graphically does a Buffalo Bill/Leatherface on her. There is a reason the original name of the film was Human SKIN Lanterns. I don’t believe I’m giving anything away. I figured out almost instantly who was, as Lux Interior of the Cramps sang, “What’s behind the mask.” Actually, it’s given away pretty early, but I will not be the one to do it.

Kuan Tai Chen

Add an assassin into the mix to increase the action in the form of bearded Kuei Szu-Yi (Meng Lo, He does a lot of the fighting in the picture, which has its fair amount of martial arts, and yet less than usual for a Shaw Brothers release, though it certainly picks up by the third act. What is there, however, is imaginative, uses many different tools such as arm knives and fans, and there is a lot of wire work as they fly through the air with the greatest of ease. Meanwhile, the police, led by Sergeant P’an (Chien Sun), is trying to stop the jealousy-fueled violence and figure out why people are going missing.

Of course, the film is in Mandarin, with English subtitles. One thing that is not included in this package is the English dubbed version. Shaw Brothers films often used the same voice actors over and over, so they became easily recognizable by sound, if not by name. For me, it was one of the hallmarks of a Shaw Brothers release, but I can forgive them. I would have watched the film in the original Mandarin, and then again with the English dub, but that didn’t happen this time. Not a complaint, just an observation.

Lieh Lo and Hsiu-Chun Lin

Okay, let’s talk about some of the extraordinary Extras that are included with the new Blu-ray, both the physical and the digital. I’ll start with the latter. To begin, there is a full-length commentary by Kenneth Brorsson and Phil Gillion of the On Fire Network podcast. Both men are heavily accented (Swedish and British, respectively), and it was a bit of a strain to make out what they were saying, but it was worth the focus. At least until I gave up about halfway through.

Next is the featurette “A Shaw Story: An Interview with Susan Shaw” (14 min.), filmed in 2005. In this, the actor, who had a small role in the film, tells of her tumultuous career before Human Lanterns thanks to international politics, what it was like to work with the director and her opinion of the film, and her career after. She kept my attention. The next featurette is for one of the bigger stars of the film, “The Beauty and the Beasts: An Interview with Linda Chu” (14 min.). Chu talks about how she became involved with the Shaw Brothers films and her career there, and especially on her opinion about nudity. Again, it’s a good interview, but she does come off a bit vain here and there. Part of the charm, I guess. Both interviews are in Chinese with subtitles.

The last featurette is “Lau Wing: The Ambiguous Hero” (51 min.) And who is Lau Wing? That is the real name of this film’s star, Tony Liu. He goes into great detail about the art of acting, and his place in that, all while chewing gum. Of course, he discusses the film and the director, but he was working three films at the same time, and he admits his memory is hazy. It’s his relationship with actors and the studios that make this the most interesting. Lastly on the digital end is the Trailer, that the film is in HD (1080p), and the English subtitles have been retranslated.

On the physical side, there is a nice slipcover with new artwork by Robert O’Brien, a double-sided case cover with the original poster, a two-sided folded paper poster insert included with the clamshell, and lastly a lush, multi-page booklet with text and photos.

The trailer’s quality makes the viewer appreciate just how gorgeous this release looks now, with vibrant colors, incredible cinematography by An-Sung Tsao, and sharp editing. The sets by Ching-Shen Chen are shown in great and sharp detail. All of this brings up the value of the release that was most likely missing from the earlier VHS copies.

While the fighting throughout most of the film often feels like under-played and Kung fu-interruptus, the final battle royale certainly makes up for it. It is beautifully staged and includes everyone of importance that’s left alive at this point. It alone makes the rest of it worth the wait, but I should add that the whole story is pretty intense and enjoyable. My old pal, Mariah Aguier (2005), who was an infamous person on the New York punk scene in the 1970s and also a martial arts film aficionado, would have probably loved this (or already did). Now, so do I.

IMDB Listing HERE