Review: It Wants Blood

Text © Richard Gary / Indie Horror Films, 2021
Images from the Internet

It Wants Blood
Directed by James Balsamo
Acid Bath Productions
103 minutes, 2021
https://www.facebook.com/It-wants-Blood-2242376705997870

Yeah, super-prolific feature director and writer James Balsamo is about to drop another one, and I am so looking forward to it, as always. Let’s strap this on and move forward without further delay.

I am fond of Balsamo’s comedic formula, as I have said before, which is no exception here. His films, while mostly narrative, are also a collection of set pieces strung together, this time with more coherency than some of his other works. A grateful reviewer thanks you. There is also lots of blood (well, it is in the title, after all), gore, and naked women. There is also Balsamo’s voiceover, which starts as exposition; this lets the viewer know what his character, Phil Blunt, who has no moral compass as always, is thinking.

After a couple of prologues, including one that gives a nod to Green Inferno (2013), we meet Phil, whose job is to dig dirt on political opponents. Like I said, zero moral compass. I’m not sure if his last name is symbolic for his approach to life, or what he smokes. Knowing Balsamo, probably both. What I do know is just about all of Balsamo’s characters are the same, much like Abbott and Costello, or Laurel and Hardy: no matter what the role, it’s essentially the identical character. I am very okay with that.

Eric Roberts

Essentially, though, this is a story about two rival families, the Montagues and the Cap… oh, wait, I mean Senator Du Sang (a frail and exhausted looking Eric Roberts who spends most of the film in a lounging chair) and his bloodthirsty monster, and his philandering political rival Bruno Bastine III (Bill Victor Arucan) and his gore munching creature. Maybe it should have been called “They” Want Blood?

On the Du Sang side, there is spoiled rich girl daughter Julie (Mikaela Moody), Madame Du Sang (Ola Ray, infamous as Michael Jackson’s “girlfriend” in the “Thriller” video; this is her first role in 20 years), and his bro-bro, Victor (Steve Railsback, who starred in the infamous 1985 Lifeforce, and as Chuck Manson in 1976’s Helter Skelter). Their monster, the Nodoto, looks really cool, like a tusked elephant with bat wings for ears, its trunk has a snake like end, and its head has a gaping vertical mouth. It is kept in Du Sang’s wine cellar (which seems to be his backyard).

Notodo

On the Bastine lineup, there is his busty wife Delilah (Amy Dumas, professional wrestler who goes by Lita). His big troll-headed flying dragon creature, the Zawazo, hangs out in the back yard by the pool, munching on whomever comes by, whether it is by invitation or not.

Both of these monstrosities are supposed to give power for the upcoming election, promising power and fame. Both politicians are going to need it. The Bastine side is pretty incompetent, and Du Sang is, well, let us just say he has Republican tendencies.

Zawazo

It’s not surprising that Balsamo would come up with a narrative around elections, with the political climate of the last couple of years. It’s a dog-eat-dog scene, or in this case, Zawazo-eat Nodoto-world. As each politico struggles for power, the more gore the monsters get to feed upon.

While I am at this point, let me ‘splain about the creatures. First of all, they look amazing. There are, it seems to me, three different versions of them. First, there is the full-sized puppets, which are my favorites. Then, there is the hand-puppets (essentially, the close-ups of the snake-snout), and third, there is the models that are used for pixilation (aka stop-motion photography, for those who don’t know about the likes of Ray Harryhausen). All three were very impressive works for the film’s overall budget that I imagine.

Amy "Lita" Dumas

And speaking of bodies, there are a lot of them, from bloody parts being flung or lying on the ground, to complete ones unclothed (most of them having sex with Blunt, of course…hey, if I were a director, that might be the route I would go). What I really like about this, for all those who are going to cry sexism since the only fully nudes seen are female, Balsamo does not go for a ”type,” but rather all are welcome. Some of the women are thin and others are chunky. If you’re expecting all ‘80s-VHS style model shower scenes, you’re in the wrong place. However, if you want some reality within your frame of beauty, this is the place for it, tatts and all.

As always, there are dozens of cameos, such as by Brinke Stevens, Felissa Rose, Joe Estevez, and Eileen Dietz (aka Pazuzu from The Exorcist, 1973). Many of them are musicians of death metal bands that I really don’t know, but most are people who have made a mark somewhere along the way, like Craig Muckler, co-writer and producer of The Microwave Massacre (1979).

James Balsamo

There is one subtle shift in many of the cameos from previous Balsamo films: usually, the actor or musician would often be shot in an alley or a street (during a convention), saying nasty things about Balsamo’s character (remember, no moral compass). In this case, they are in Public Service Announcements (PSAs) putting down Senator Du Sang. This is a nice change.

What is consistent with just about all of Balsamo’s releases is that it is funny, from beginning to end. The humor is a mix of broad jokes and, if it’s the Balsamo character, it is puns. One of his jokes is based on a Dom Irrera line about “Italian School,” that had me laughing.

I say this every time, but it bears repeating. If you’re looking for perfection, you’ve come to the wrong place. There are continuity issues (the sound changes within a single scene, for example), the acting is often questionable, and the writing is just plain silly. But here is the thing, and it is an important one, if you’re looking to just enjoy yourself and escape from the shitshow that is current politics, sit right down, and have a blast.

I love that the film was dedicated to the late, great Carmine Capobianco (d. January 2021). While I never met the man personally, I have long admired his work, especially in this millennium, such as Model Hunger (2016) and The Sins of Dracula (2014), along with a host of Balsamo’s releases (they are from the same neck of Long Island). Honestly, I can say that I have never heard anyone say a negative thing about him.

And speaking of prolific, it seems Balsamo is also in post-production with his next two features, 14 Ghosts and the sci-fi Alien Danger! With Raven Van Slender. Sad thing is, now I gotta wait.

Trailer is HERE