Review: Giantess Battle Attack

Text © Richard Gary / Indie Horror Films, 2023
Images from the Internet

The second of three giantess reviews, this is the second of a two-film franchise, coming after Attack of the 50 Foot Centerfold (2022) As I have stated before, I do not believe there is any doubt that these films are absurdist comedies, thankfully going for the lowest bar and the biggest busts.

Giantess Battle Attack (aka Revenge of the 50 Foot Cam Girl)

Directed by Jim Wynorski
Full Moon Entertainment; MVD Visual
58 minutes, 2022
www.FullMoonDirect.com
www.MVDVisual.com

This sequel to Attack of the 50 Foot Cam-Girl begins in outer space, on the double planet of Buxomus, which is the “Planet of Girlgantuas.” Five seconds in, and I am already saying “really?” with a smile on my face. These films know their demographics to the T…or Double D.

These Girlgantuans (Buxomusites?) are warriors who, as we see right off, battle each other in MMA style. You know they will end up on Earth and meet up with giantess Beverly Wood (Ivy Smith) at some point, as it is in the title.

Led by the planet’s battle champion, Spa-zor (Kiersten Hall, who was also combative in 2019’s Kiss Kiss), aka Space Whore, the Girlgantuans head towards the land of the huge and home of the Wood.

Ivy Smith

Speaking of whom, things have changed quite a bit, though she is still 50 feet tall. However, Fuschia has reduced to normal size (seen only in expositional archival footage from the first release) and boyfriend Bradley (Eli Cirino, seen in a flashback cameo) is no longer involved when Beverly lost all her money in lawsuits due to the damage caused by her fight with Fuschia. Now she works demolition breaking rocks (with her feet), and has a new non-expanded boyfriend, Mike (Brian Gross, who also starred in director Wynorski’s 2012 Gila!), who owns the construction company.

Also back are the three scientists, Dr. Lana Rhodes (Lisa London, who gets to show more cleavage this time around), Dennis (Frankie Cullen), and Gary (Jaret Sacrey, shown in footage from the earlier film), the latter of whom is also reduced. A friend of Bradley’s, promoter Dennis (Frankie Cullen) however, has a fighter girlfriend, Anna Conda (multi-tattooed and septum-ringed Masuimi Max), who he wants to battle Beverly to gain fame and get rich.

There are some interesting twists and turns in the story as Spa-zor, Beverly and Anna finally get to meet up at the finale. I had a laugh when an oil rigs goes off and makes this the equivalent of another fetish, women fighting in an oil (or mud) pit. This gives Beverly the chance to say a line that should be repeated often: “Get off my planet, bitch!

Short and brief, the extras on this Blu-ray is the original trailer, and a collection of Full moon coming attractions (half the same as in the earlier film).

At one point in the film, during a particular jiggle-fest, director Wynorski breaks the third wall ala Woody Allen in What’s Up Tiger Lilly? (1966), to discuss the humorously gratuitousness of the “action.” However, it should be noted that most of the female actors here are actually quite accomplished in their own rights, be it as entrepreneurs, singers, influencers, and/or beauty queens – one was Miss Minnesota and Miss Bikini Model 1999/2000 – etc. Respect).

It would not surprise me if a third film in the series was forthcoming at some point.

IMDB listing HERE

Review: Attack of the 50 Foot Camgirl

Text © Richard Gary / Indie Horror Films, 2023
Images from the Internet

Attack of the 50-Foot Woman (1958)

Film one of three giantess reviews in a series: This and Giantess Battle Attack are a franchise. Giant women, for some men, is a fetish (macrophilia), as is watching women physically fight each other (catfight), and are something I will never really understand, though both are combined in all of these below. But whatever. Of course, giant women films have been around for a while, with the grandmother of all being Attack of the 50 Foot Woman (1958), but was revived with the likes of Attack of the 50 Ft. Woman (1993) Attack of the 60 Foot Centerfolds (1995), and Attack of the 50 Foot Cheerleader (2012).I do not believe there is any doubt that these films are absurdist comedies, thankfully going for the lowest bar and the biggest busts.

Attack of the 50 Foot Camgirl

Directed by Jim Wynorski
Full Moon Entertainment; MVD Visual
61 minutes, 2022
www.FullMoonDirect.com
www.MVDVisual.com

The titular protagonist in this film is egocentric and narcissistic (is that redundant?) super successful social media influencer, probably on sites like OnlyFan, Beverly Wood (newcomer Ivy Smith). She is nasty and will not listen to advice, thinking she knows best at all times: “I’m a self-made visionary,” she states early on. Obviously, the name is a mix of Beverly Hills and Hollywood. The other two main characters are her husband, Bradley (naturally tall Eli Cirino) and their jealous assistant, Fuschia [sic] (Christine Nguyen, aka adult star Jennifer Lee), who wants to replace Beverly.

Ivy Smith, Eli Cirino

We basically meet Beverly as she is filmed taking a shower (naked) while being filmed and endorsing some product. The power structure of the three comes into play pretty quickly, as this is not a long film, and obviously they want to get over the exposition quickly so they can jump to the giantess aspect.

Of course, as I have stated earlier, this is a – er – broad comedy, some of it pretty subtle, such as Beverly referring to sex as “getting unfiltered with you,” and hashtags appearing occasionally as subtitles, e.g., “#sad” appearing to express her emotion.

And how does she get to go from influencer to giantess? Thanks to untested experimental grown-in-the-lab “Unholy Meat-ramony,” supplied by a trio of scientists: Dr. Lana Rhodes (Lisa London, a regular in films from CineRidge Entertainment, such as Love Crime in 2022, and The Wrong Sarah in 2021), Dennis (Frankie Cullen), and Gary (scene stealer Jaret Sacrey). The Bevster eats the food – despite being warned – and achieves the film’s title.

Because of the ridiculousness of the story (not meant as a dis), there is a lot that needs to be just accepted, such as everyone not freaking out about Beverly’s new – er – stature; though I am happy to say that they explain her clothing, rather than doing a “Gilligan’s Island” wardrobe mystery.

I laughed out loud (#lol) when Beverly destroys a billboard with a Full Moon theme (blink and you will miss it). And then, what happens when, in a jealous fit, Fuschia eats some of the GMO food stuff and grows to meet Beverly’s height? Of course, girl fight. Why is it when giantesses fight, they do it in slo mo?

Christine Nguyen, Smith

I liked that there is a couple of references to the original Attack of the 50 Foot Woman. That was a nice homage, but you would have to have seen the original to get it (I grew up watching it on “Chiller Theater” on WPIX in New York).

There is some nice use of both CGI (naturally), and some really fine model making (by Jeff Leroy, the director of 2022’s Giantess Attack vs. Mega-Fembot) for the buildings being destroyed, though obviously shells.

The extras are the Full Moon staple “Videozone” (7 min),where Wynorski, Ivy, and Full Moon’s Charles Band sit around the set’s pool and discuss the movie, filmed before the release because they were still unsure if it was going to be 50 feet or 60 feet. The “Behind the Scenes” (6 min) featurette is separate interviews with the three leads, a couple of backstage shots, and mostly clips from the film. Also included is the trailer for Wynorski/Full Moon’s film Bigfoot or Bust (2022), a cleavage extravaganza of big busted alien women in search of said Sasquatch. There are also a number of other Full Moon trailers.

IMDB listing HERE

Review: WJHC AM

Text © Richard Gary / Indie Horror Films, 2022
Images from the Internet

WJHC AM
Directed by Vinnie Vineyard and Luke Walker
Big N Funky Productions; Burning Bulb Publishing
107 minutes, 2022
www.funkmasterv.com/
www.BigNFunkyProductions.com

With that title, there can be little doubt this black and white micro-budget film is a comedy (wisely, they didn’t use WJFC). Taking place in Tennessee (but also shot in the appropriate states of Georgia, North Carolina, and Arkansas, as well as Tennessee), the cast took their lives in their hands (I’m guessing) to make a horror film in that region mixing religion, Y2K, the Rapture, and a bloody time.

After all, why shouldn’t the Rapture be a bloodfest, since the book it is based on (you know, that best seller known as The Bible) is one of the most gruesome tomes ever to be published, promoting genocide, incest, slavery, cannibalism, misogyny, homophobia, etc.? And ironically, the people who follow this want to ban “A Separate Peace” (if you’re going to censor it, do it because it’s boring, not for the implied homosexuality that the author denied). But enough with the soap box, for now.

Vinnie Vineyard

This is the second film in the Smoky Mountain Chronicles, with the first being The Hike (2021), which I have not seen as yet. For this tale, the story focuses on Cousin Vinnie Bradipo (director Vineyard), a talk radio disc jockey looking for work (any relation to Cousin Brucie?).

After a “holy” experience in the early 1990s in the prologue, Vinnie gets reluctantly hired at the titular radio station, immediately getting hit on by both sexes. What is amusing is that the people who work there have no idea how funny their station is, such as not getting that one of their shows is called “God Jammit.” Yeah, this does mock the MAGA uber religious types, and I’m totally fine with that. I’m sure some viewers scream “persecution” while they are talking about taking away women’s rights and murdering LGBQ+ folk; and I’ll bet it will be without even seeing the film, which is a social commentary on a prosperity-gospel-type Christian lifestyle. Oops, there’s that soap box again. Gonna be hard to stay off of it, I think.

As insane as some of the online preachers seem, and we get to watch a number of them, its far enough off to know it is parody, but close enough to recognize it. That is where the humor mostly lies. We also meet a seemingly stoner engineer, who seems to be modeled on The Dude (1988’s The Big Lebowski), Brother Arlo (co-director, co-writer, and scene stealer Luke Walker), the sarcastic, very pregnant chain smoking studio director, Sister Nancy (Tracy Yaste), a horny DJ Sister Christian (Amy Perkinson Hale), the equally horny and lurking station owner’s son, Jack (Travis Graves), sexpot with miles of cleavage and miniscule brain cells, Sister Stacks (busty model and professional wrestler Katie Gannon) and Vinnie’s cute girlfriend, Angela (Sheena Layne).

Tracy Yates

One fun part is when a visiting church (given air time for donations) uses the later, added parts of Mark with snake handling. What could possibly go wrong, right? Another bit, which really had me laughing, was a talking in tongues challenge that mirrored a rap battle. Cultural appropriation? I am sure these white, “All Lives Matter”-type folks will not see it that way.

Meanwhile, as we get to know the characters, the story starts five days before Y2K, and counts down the days as we get acquainted. There’s lots of music references, nearly all from the Cousin Vinnie side, such as wearing Public Enemy and Wu-Tang tees to work, and talking about the likes of gawdawful Stryper, and HUGS (a band I believe is supposed to represent KISS from the imagery). That’s for those of you who have no interest in modern gospel.

Throughout the film, strange things are happening off in the peripheral, but it isn’t until the third act when it’s near Y2K proper that the zombies hit the fan…I mean radio, though it’s well over an hour into the film. Some people turn into horned, demonic flesh-eaters (rather than classic zombies), some just disappear (the Rapture), and others need to fend for themselves in a battle to survive the Tribulation. Jeez, I am an atheist who has never been a Christian, so why do I know all this crap?

Herb Himes

The fight scenes are somewhat bloody, but there is no gore. However, there is more nudity than blood. I don’t see that as something bad. The only questionable thing is the length of the film. While there is quite the wait for the demonic zombie attack(s), it is worth noting that the film is a sharp commentary on religious abuses, as the title card at the end explains, and is entertaining throughout. That being said, it could have easily been trimmed by about 20 minutes and that footage put into the “Deletes Reel” on the eventual DVD/Blu-ray.

Whining aside, please understand that I enjoyed this film for what it was, the messages it was conveying, and the humor at the sake of televangelism. While the station had money problems, I’ll bet they were tax-exempt; yes, I know this channel is fictional, but in some ways so are the likes of Ken Copeland and Jim Bakker, who rely on bullying, trickery, deception, and fear.

The soundtrack is pretty good, actually, and I am so glad they added, during the credits, the song that is mentioned throughout the film, “Go Up Yonder on Yon Hill Over There” (sung by Walker). That was a revelation.

IMDB Listing HERE 

 

Review: Val

 Text © Richard Gary / Indie Horror Films, 2021
Images from the Internet

Val
Directed by Aaron Fradkin
Social House Films; Dread; Epic Pictures; MVD Entertainment
81 minutes, 2021
www.epic-pictures.com
www.mvdb2b.com

If I may start with a digression, as a fan of printed text, having started my real-life career as a typesetter, I am totally impressed by the hard kerning of the “V” and “A” of the title, though I may have tilted the “L” towards the “A” at the angle of the “V” for consistency. Still, it’s a beautiful thing. Okay, end of digression.

So, when is a good thing too much, and the hunter-and-hunted game become reversed, where the person in charge finds out, well, their leverage is not as powerful as they imagined? It’s a premise that’s been around at least since “The Twilight Zone” episode with Sebastian Cabot, “ A Nice Place to Visit.” One could even include The Last House on the Left (1972; 2009) or even Straw Dogs (1971; 2011). But it is the supernatural element that takes it to the next level.

Misha Reeves

In this very dark comedy, criminal-on-the-run Fin (Zachary Mooren), looking like a French Adrian Brody) breaks into the enormous house of the titular Val (Misha Reeves). To start, the power dynamics, of course, are on the side of Fin, knife in hand and threatening scantily-clad redheaded and cleavage-bound Morren.

Val makes her living as a dominatrix, and when Freddy (Erik Griffin), a gangster-type John shows up, things do not go down too well. But will he stay down? Figure it out yourself, or better still, just watch the film. Meanwhile, the relationship between Fin and Val don’t exactly heat up in that way, but the dialogue is quick and witty, with Val trying to charm and assert (as that is her profession) and Fin is untrusting but despite weird and unexplained things happening around him, Fin doesn’t seem to question too hard about the unnatural stuff going on. Perhaps it is Val’s seductive tone (and attire) that are distracting. Most of the plot is the rapport, good and bad, about them that is the core of the film.

Zachary Mooren

While no particular religious denomination is discussed, the central theme of the film is about the Biblical question of whether or not we have free will, as much as what/who is good and what/who is evil. Fin is coerced more often than not by certainly more than one character, but is that still a choice?

It also uses a very colorful palate that increases in intensity as the story unfolds, especially highlighting on reds, with Reeves’ hair and lips being the central focus, most of the time.

Kyle Howard, Reeves, Sufe Bradshaw

It is hardly surprising that this is a comedy and the timing is so sharp since many of the cast are actually comedians and have a history of comic acting. Some of this comes across especially in the scenes with the two police officers investigating, level-headed Office Daughtry (Sufe Bradshaw) and her doofus partner, Officer Myers (Kyle Howard).

The set for most of the shoot is actually a supposedly haunted mansion in Ojai, California, that was both rented by-the-day, and also served as a place to stay for the cast and crew. Fradkin uses the space incredibly well, making it feel expansive for Val and claustrophobic for Fin at the same time.

There are some nice extras on the Blu-ray, starting with the “Behind the Scenes: The Making of Val” featurette (7 min.). Led by both the director/co-writer, Fradkin and the co-writer/executive producer Victoria Fratz (an engaged couple), it is short and sweet, and more importantly gets the job done. They talk about the production jointly, from how they came up with the idea through pre-production and then the filming itself. It is light and fluffy, and enjoyable.

Next up is a Q&A let by Josh Milligan after the online premier of Val on “Popcorn Frights,” from Dread Central’s channel (40 min.). Via Zoom, it includes Fradkin, Fratz, lead actors Reeves, Mooren, and stand-up corpse, Griffin. There are lots of good stories about the production, though not much about the plot, but since so many of them come from world of comedy, the talk flows well with humor and good heartedness. I also found it interesting that initial filming ended three days before the COVID lockdowns in March 2020.

Also included are two of director Fradkin’s shorts, “Happy Birthday” and “The Ballerina.” I have seen both of these before on YouTube and was very impressed. They both center on obsessions with mirrors and human frailty. I especially liked the latter. Lastly is a couple of trailers for this film, and others for Dread, as well as chapters and a choice for English subtitles.

While playing with comedy and high drama, the acting is (purposefully, I believe) a bit intense, sort of like watching a sit-com style of over-emoting. Not to the level of “Third Rock From the Sun’s” John Lithgow, but the characters are intense and it is played up for humor, and that is nearly a hamming situation.

Please, do not get me wrong, this is an incredibly fun film, from beginning to end, whether you see the ending coming or not. It also has some of the best use of mannequins I can think of since Exhumed (2011).

Oldie-But-Goody-Review, Part 2: Mortuary (Special Edition)

Text © Richard Gary / Indie Horror Films, 2021
Images from the Internet

Mortuary
Directed by Howard Avedis (d. 2017)
Hickmar Productions; Scorpion Releasing; Multicom Entertainment; MVD Rewind Collection
93 minutes, 1983 / 2021
www.MVDVisual.com

This reissue has an interesting aspect for me: from the mid-1960s to the early 1980s, Lynda Day George and Christopher George were the television golden couple. It seemed like they were in everything either apart or together in the likes of “Mission Impossible” (Lynda) and “The Rat Patrol” (Christopher), but not after this film, as it was Christopher’s last role before his sudden death in 1983. Ironically, over the years, their importance faded enough that even though they are among the leads of this film, their names don’t even appear on the cover of the Blu-ray (and DVD). Sure, they were secondary to the three main characters, but their names should be there under the others, as most likely they were a large draw for the original release. Instead, they list Mary McDonough (she played Erin on “The Waltons”), Bill Paxton (1986’s Aliens, 1987’s Near Dark; d. 2017) in an early starring role, and David Wallace (aka David Wysocki, who appeared in numerous soaps).

Now, after that pondering, let’s examine the film. I saw it in the theater when it first came out, but I have no memory of it, so it’s like watching it new, which makes me happy.

David Wallace, Mary McDonough

We are introduced to tall and lanky Greg (Wallace) first, as he and his friend Josh (Denis Mandel, who played the recurring character Eugene in the post-shark jumping, no Richie “Happy Days”) visit the mortuary warehouse, where Josh worked, to steal some tires. There they see a “séance” (looking more like a cult with long, hooded black gowns) led by mortuary owner Hank (Christopher George). Of course, being that time in our culture and the genre, the leader is a man, and the rest of the following coven is all women. Let the social commentary by the readers commence.

This brings Greg to hang out with his sleepwalking girlfriend and star of the film, Christie (McDonough). Just to date the film, part of the first act takes place at a roller rink (the subtitles say “roller ring,” that’s how long ago it is that whoever did the captions did not know better). Classic imagery, with women in short-shorts and tank tops skating around in circles, just for the film’s teenage boy demographics. Even McDonough gets to wear some flimsy clothing when she’s not decked out in top ‘80’s fashion, like pink loose pants and a matching sweater tied around her neck. She lives in a huge house right on the ocean with her widowed and gaslighting mom, Eve (Lynda Day George). To add to it all, nerd and perky Paul (Paxton), son of Hank, has a thing for Christie. They are college students, I am assuming, as part of this was filmed at California State University Northridge.

Bill Paxton

Of note, there are two interesting cameos here, both as Greg’s parents. First, there’s his mom, played by Marlene Schmidt, who has appeared in most of director Avedis’ films. His dad is portrayed by the legendary Hank Kimball…I mean Alvy Moore (d. 1997). He’s almost unrecognizable, but at the same time, easy to spot by his physical mannerisms, and especially that amazing voice and syntax.

Meanwhile someone mysterious has been following both Greg and especially Christie, dressed in white make-up that looks a lot like Pazuzu from The Exorcist (1973). It isn’t hard to figure out who he/the killer is; I figured it out in the first 10 minutes. But will the Sheriff (Bill Conklin) listen to the teens about smug Hank and crew? I am sure you have seen enough of genre films to be able to answer that yourself; it seems pretty damn obvious.

Lynda Day George, Christopher George

There is also a fine level of humor (though I would not refer to this as a comedy), such as one person looking to buy a casket, saying to her husband, “Honey, I don’t think you’re going to be comfortable in this one.”

The blood and gore SFX are nicely done and plentiful, relatively, though a small body count considering the slashers of the day, but they manage to add some effects in other ways. There is also a lot of typical tight or wet clothing and cleavage (including the two female leads), along with a fair bit of nudity (though McDonough uses a body double with different colored hair; did I mention she was in “The Waltons”?)

McDonough, George

I do have some questions, such as if a group is holding a séance in a mortuary after hours, why isn’t the front door locked? Of course, this could be said about any business, and not just ones doing occult stuff. And if you just saw someone close to you in a cult setting, would you go home and have carnal relations in a laughing, calm manner, for a while?

Anyway, the film is shot really well, with some fine editing to enhance the action. The cast is, needless to say, lovely to look at for all genders, and the acting is, well, considering most of the cast comes from the television world, that type, especially from the time period.

 

Pazuzu wannabe?

Even with an obvious villain, there are still surprises here and there, and numerous jump scares that I enjoyed. This is considered a minor classic, and it’s easy to understand why. Lots of hallmarks are here, like walking down dark hallways. One thing missing is a shower scene. That being said, one unusual take is that the friends of the leads are inconsequential and merely there as comic relief, appearing exceedingly sparingly, with the film mainly focusing on the five leads. That was a nifty and unexpected turn of events.

Extras on the Blu-ray are that the film is in HD (1080p) from the original internegative, and audio choices. Also, there is an English subtitles option, and interview with the composer, John Cacavas (unwatched by me), and a mini-poster in the clamshell. Added is a bunch of MVD Rewind trailers including the original one for this film and Tobe Hooper’s Mortuary (2005) that deals with zombies rather than a slasher, among others.

For the director, Howard Avedis (d. 2017), this was his first forage into horror. Before, he was known mainly as an exploitation/sexploitation filmmaker, with such classics as The Specialist (1972, with Adam West), Dr. Minx (1975, with Edy Williams), and especially The Teacher (1974, with Jay North and the underrated Angel Tompkins). The previous experience of these low budget action releases prepared him well for Mortuary, to make it a product of which to be proud.

Be forewarned, the trailer gives too much away. If you haven’t seen the film yet, watch it at your own risk.

Review: It Wants Blood

Text © Richard Gary / Indie Horror Films, 2021
Images from the Internet

It Wants Blood
Directed by James Balsamo
Acid Bath Productions
103 minutes, 2021
https://www.facebook.com/It-wants-Blood-2242376705997870

Yeah, super-prolific feature director and writer James Balsamo is about to drop another one, and I am so looking forward to it, as always. Let’s strap this on and move forward without further delay.

I am fond of Balsamo’s comedic formula, as I have said before, which is no exception here. His films, while mostly narrative, are also a collection of set pieces strung together, this time with more coherency than some of his other works. A grateful reviewer thanks you. There is also lots of blood (well, it is in the title, after all), gore, and naked women. There is also Balsamo’s voiceover, which starts as exposition; this lets the viewer know what his character, Phil Blunt, who has no moral compass as always, is thinking.

After a couple of prologues, including one that gives a nod to Green Inferno (2013), we meet Phil, whose job is to dig dirt on political opponents. Like I said, zero moral compass. I’m not sure if his last name is symbolic for his approach to life, or what he smokes. Knowing Balsamo, probably both. What I do know is just about all of Balsamo’s characters are the same, much like Abbott and Costello, or Laurel and Hardy: no matter what the role, it’s essentially the identical character. I am very okay with that.

Eric Roberts

Essentially, though, this is a story about two rival families, the Montagues and the Cap… oh, wait, I mean Senator Du Sang (a frail and exhausted looking Eric Roberts who spends most of the film in a lounging chair) and his bloodthirsty monster, and his philandering political rival Bruno Bastine III (Bill Victor Arucan) and his gore munching creature. Maybe it should have been called “They” Want Blood?

On the Du Sang side, there is spoiled rich girl daughter Julie (Mikaela Moody), Madame Du Sang (Ola Ray, infamous as Michael Jackson’s “girlfriend” in the “Thriller” video; this is her first role in 20 years), and his bro-bro, Victor (Steve Railsback, who starred in the infamous 1985 Lifeforce, and as Chuck Manson in 1976’s Helter Skelter). Their monster, the Nodoto, looks really cool, like a tusked elephant with bat wings for ears, its trunk has a snake like end, and its head has a gaping vertical mouth. It is kept in Du Sang’s wine cellar (which seems to be his backyard).

Notodo

On the Bastine lineup, there is his busty wife Delilah (Amy Dumas, professional wrestler who goes by Lita). His big troll-headed flying dragon creature, the Zawazo, hangs out in the back yard by the pool, munching on whomever comes by, whether it is by invitation or not.

Both of these monstrosities are supposed to give power for the upcoming election, promising power and fame. Both politicians are going to need it. The Bastine side is pretty incompetent, and Du Sang is, well, let us just say he has Republican tendencies.

Zawazo

It’s not surprising that Balsamo would come up with a narrative around elections, with the political climate of the last couple of years. It’s a dog-eat-dog scene, or in this case, Zawazo-eat Nodoto-world. As each politico struggles for power, the more gore the monsters get to feed upon.

While I am at this point, let me ‘splain about the creatures. First of all, they look amazing. There are, it seems to me, three different versions of them. First, there is the full-sized puppets, which are my favorites. Then, there is the hand-puppets (essentially, the close-ups of the snake-snout), and third, there is the models that are used for pixilation (aka stop-motion photography, for those who don’t know about the likes of Ray Harryhausen). All three were very impressive works for the film’s overall budget that I imagine.

Amy "Lita" Dumas

And speaking of bodies, there are a lot of them, from bloody parts being flung or lying on the ground, to complete ones unclothed (most of them having sex with Blunt, of course…hey, if I were a director, that might be the route I would go). What I really like about this, for all those who are going to cry sexism since the only fully nudes seen are female, Balsamo does not go for a ”type,” but rather all are welcome. Some of the women are thin and others are chunky. If you’re expecting all ‘80s-VHS style model shower scenes, you’re in the wrong place. However, if you want some reality within your frame of beauty, this is the place for it, tatts and all.

As always, there are dozens of cameos, such as by Brinke Stevens, Felissa Rose, Joe Estevez, and Eileen Dietz (aka Pazuzu from The Exorcist, 1973). Many of them are musicians of death metal bands that I really don’t know, but most are people who have made a mark somewhere along the way, like Craig Muckler, co-writer and producer of The Microwave Massacre (1979).

James Balsamo

There is one subtle shift in many of the cameos from previous Balsamo films: usually, the actor or musician would often be shot in an alley or a street (during a convention), saying nasty things about Balsamo’s character (remember, no moral compass). In this case, they are in Public Service Announcements (PSAs) putting down Senator Du Sang. This is a nice change.

What is consistent with just about all of Balsamo’s releases is that it is funny, from beginning to end. The humor is a mix of broad jokes and, if it’s the Balsamo character, it is puns. One of his jokes is based on a Dom Irrera line about “Italian School,” that had me laughing.

I say this every time, but it bears repeating. If you’re looking for perfection, you’ve come to the wrong place. There are continuity issues (the sound changes within a single scene, for example), the acting is often questionable, and the writing is just plain silly. But here is the thing, and it is an important one, if you’re looking to just enjoy yourself and escape from the shitshow that is current politics, sit right down, and have a blast.

I love that the film was dedicated to the late, great Carmine Capobianco (d. January 2021). While I never met the man personally, I have long admired his work, especially in this millennium, such as Model Hunger (2016) and The Sins of Dracula (2014), along with a host of Balsamo’s releases (they are from the same neck of Long Island). Honestly, I can say that I have never heard anyone say a negative thing about him.

And speaking of prolific, it seems Balsamo is also in post-production with his next two features, 14 Ghosts and the sci-fi Alien Danger! With Raven Van Slender. Sad thing is, now I gotta wait.

Trailer is HERE 

Review: Famine

Text © Richard Gary / Indie Horror Films, 2020

Images from the Internet

Famine (aka Detention Night and Stupid Teens Must Die!)

Directed by Ryan Nicholson (d. 2019)

Gruesome Twosome Studios / New Image Entertainment / Unearthed Films / MVD Entertainment

77 minutes, 2011 / 2019

www.unearthedfilms.com

www.mvdb2b.com

Boy, I haven’t seen a good slasher comedy in… well, too long. If you have any doubts about this one, it’s original title is “Stupid Teens Must Die!” (as opposed to Kids Go to the Woods…Kids Get Dead, 2009; reviewed elsewhere in this blog, or another film called Stupid Teenagers Must Die, 2006; this one I have not yet seen). I’m not quite sure why it was briefly changed to Detention Night at some point as that is so not accurate to the story.

Christine Wallace, Michelle Sabiene

If you have any doubts that this Canadian release is a comedy, it takes place in the Sloppy Secondary School. And what exactly is a “Famine?” Many institutions, especially religious ones) have charities for the poor, where the students do not eat for a day, and much like marathons, they get donations if they last the whole time (or as we used to call it, Yom Kippur). This is supposed to help the students empathize with the poor by helping them understand what it is like to be hungry. Of course, odds are they will never really know starvation, and there is a difference. Anyway, I’m on a soapbox, so let’s get back to the film.

Five years after a tragic accident during a Famine – shown in a flashback, rather than a prologue, go figure! – the students at this high school are once again setting foot on a slippery slope, and are paying the price for it.

Christopher Lomas

Our central character (don’t quite know if I would call her or anyone else here a heroine/hero), is cute Jenny (Christine Wallace), who is runway model tall and thin, and throwin’ a lot of cleavage (thank you). She’s the one non-stereotypical character in that she’s obviously the sweet girl, but man he gets hyper-angry at the drop of a corn dog, and then is sweet again a second later. Definitely in need of some mood stabilizers. All the others who attend the school are either women dressed in high heels and ripped “Famine” tee shirts to expose – or give hints of – body parts, or men who are annoyingly macho without looking at all machismo (irony noted, mister director). For example, the main male lead, Nick (Christopher Lomas), looks a bit like a scrawny Matthew McConaughey, but with big and crooked teeth.

The Famine has been revived by sexy new volunteer teacher Miss Vickers (Michelle Sabiene), who looks about 5 years older than the actors playing the students. This is all under the supervision of the literal German Nazi principal (Glenn Hoffmann), riffing off Peter Sellers in Dr. Strangelove (etc., 1964) and others that I’m blanking on at the moment.

The Nailer

As the night wears on, someone is killing the participating students while wearing the oversized team mascot costume known as… wait for it… The Nailer. As you can tell, the humor in this comedy is quite broad, being closer to the outlandish style of National Lampoon’s Class Reunion (1982) than the homage-centric Scary Movie franchise (started in 2000). This film is definitely crass and brassy, and especially overly profane. An example of an insult is Jenny angrily throwing, “Why don’t you remove the dildo so all the stupid can run out?!” The F-word, the B-word and/or C-word are in nearly every sentence, and loses its shock value pretty fast.

Now, when it comes to the gore, well, that’s amazing. It looks good, it’s gooey as all get out, and over the top; the blood is way more than there would be in reality, which made me smile. In fact, we are introduced to lots of different bodily fluids, especially those from below the waist, making themselves known throughout. Everything is bigly and in excess here, with nearly all the people being overly sexualized, with men who have obviously never heard of MeToo and women in their clothing and movements (e.g., it seems like Jenny is always bending over, giving a downblouse shot for the camera).

The question is, of course, is this good cinema? the answer for me was mixed. I mean, as it was filmed in Canada, when Jenny very naturally says “aboot” in a sentence, well, that definitely made me laugh, even though unintentional. My biggest problem with it is it fights between being trying hard to be subtly amusing while at the same time being big and broad. Sometimes it works really well, others not as much. It’s going to be hit and miss, depending on your sense of humor style. If you liked the National Lampoon oeuvre, you may like this. If you’re interested in a higher level of it, such as Shaun of the Dead (2004), you may be more like me and find it a mixed bag. Perhaps you just need to be stoned to really enjoy it.

For me, the weakest point was the acting. And that is not to say these are bad actors, in any kind of way. What I’m saying is that rather than playing it straight and let the humor shine through in juxtaposition, which is the way I believe it should be to be most effective, they use what I call the John Lithgow sitcom acting style: Lithgow is an amazing actor, but I could barely watch him on Third Rock from the Sun (no matter how many Emmy’s he won for the role), where everything was too exaggerated.

The extras are a half-dozen trailers (including this one) – all of films I’ve now reviewed – chapters, and stills. For the latter, they are nearly all behind the scenes shots for 4:05 with a change every 3 seconds, and no soundtrack.

I am hoping you are not getting the impression this is a bad film, because it’s not. What I am trying to say is that it may depend on your sense of humor to determine how much you like it. I say watch it twice: one stoned and once… not. Make up your own opinion. Me, I’m straight-edge, and accept it for what it is.