All genres of suspense, terror, and horror will be reviewed by Richard Gary. His address to send preview copies supplied upon request to rbf55@msn.com.
I’m
surprised they didn’t use the Sly & the Family Stone song: “It’s a fam’ly
affair…”
The
film is co-written by husband and wife team John Jarratt and Cody Jarratt. It
stars John and his son (from a previous), Charlie. It’s produced by Winnah
Films, an Aussie production house owned by John. Oh, and did I mention that
John is also known as the killer in the classic Outback thriller / slasher that
quickly rose to fame called Wolf Creek (2005)?
Supposedly he doesn’t like horror films, but his association with them is
definitely strong.
But
as far as families go, let’s not stop there. The central focus is on another
father / mother / son combo. John Garratt plays a dad who is just out of a
lock-down rehab after seven months where he was incarcerated against his will
for his many vices (alcohol, prescription drugs, gambling, and anger
management). His wife (Angela Punch-McGregor) is on the run for fear of her
life, along with their university age son, Damien (Charlie Jarratt).
In
the words of Noah, “It’s gonna rain,” and pour it does, leaving this trio
stranded at an isolated gas station / restaurant at, yep, Savages Crossing [side note: I am not comfortable with this
name, as I think it refers to the indigenous people of Queensland, Australia,
where it is filmed; perhaps my sensitivities have been raised since the whole
“Redskins,” etc., names have been under scrutiny of late.] Add in a couple
of young women on a road trip (Sacha Horler, Rebecca Smart), the cowboy owner
of the station and farm around it (Craig McLachlan) , and restaurant manager /
cook / wait staff (the fetching Jessica Napier, who I doubt is any relation to
Charles Napier of Russ Meyer fame), and obvious future love interest. Then there is the crooked cop with nefarious
motives (Chris Haywood).
The
basic premise of a group of strangers trapped in an isolated location such as a
restaurant, with a murder (or more) is hardly new. Who is on the side of “good”
and who is on the side of “bad” is always in doubt, and that’s part of the
paradigm as well. The question is, what do the Jarratts do with it that makes
it their own?
I’ll
be honest, I didn’t find many surprises in this as nearly everything is telegraphed.
There is a mild twist at the end, of course, and it’s not the most brilliant,
but I will say it is effective. That being said, I was pleasantly surprised at
the level of suspense that is managed to be brought to the table of this oft
told tale.
For
me the biggest suspense, however, deals with a topic brought up by Carol J.
Clover in her brilliant book, Men, Women
and Chainsaws: Gender in the Modern Horror Film (1993). This film proves
part of her theory, that in slasher movies, the men are, well, stupid,
especially the “heroes.” You knock the bad guy out, you don’t just leave them
you asshole, you tie them up, especially after they’ve proven they are not afraid
to kill anyone. Especially when…
well, I don’t want to give too much away. In another scenario, a couple being
hunted hides in a place that not only has only one door (in the direction of
the person hunting them), but it has a wall made of chicken wire (in the
direction of the person hunting them).Damn. That’s just a couple of examples.
The
acting ranges on a wide scale. Being his first role, Charlie has a bit of
training to do. However, both Horler and Jarratt senior act the pants off the
rest, especially in a key scene they have together in the third act.
The
only extras at two trailers, including one for this film.
The
monster(s) in this film is the human kind, but it wears many skins and styles.
It’s a good film with some mild blood and no nudity, so while you may not want
to choose to watch it with your elderly auntie, it’s pretty safe for most.
These exploitations seem to go together
for a number of reasons. First of all, they’re supposed documentaries about
real bands that are not your average run of the mill groups. Second, they both
came out around the same time. Third, they are both award winners of dubious
prizes. Finally, the odds at success for the bands are a bit farfetched. Other
than that, these two groups are worlds apart, as are the styles of the film.
And enjoyment levels.
The Lost Realities of Hog Caller Written, directed and edited by Tom Richards TPR Productions Wild Eye Releasing 85
minutes, 2011 www.wildeyereleasing.com www.mvdvisual.com
This “found footage” mockumentary
about a grindocre duo called Hog Caller is a nearly psychedelic ride into the
backwoods of Middletown, PA, home of Three Mile Island, and apparently Osama
bin Laden. Who knew?
With just a little too much fondness
for pig heads and David Lynch’s Eraserhead
(1977), this real (?) band of two lunatics live out in the woods. A local
television reporter, Skip Jenkins, is doing a piece on “Where Are Hog Caller,”
and has apparently bought a box of video (yes, VHS) tape home Hog Caller
movies, and we watch them interspersed with Skip, and a whole mess of messed up
crap.
Words used to describe this on the
box include “Repugnant” and “Sickest,” and yeah, it is that. Lots of pig bodies
and disembodied heads with flies flying around them are shown in various stages
of decay. One little one is dressed in a bonnet and hauled around as if it was
a baby, on a playground swing or getting ice cream by one of the Callers.
There is also something about a guy
in a bad rubber George W. Bush mask (actually supposed to be Bush) giving money
to a way-too-short guy dressed in Arab garb with a very fake beard (an obviously
blond dude), who has a shooting camp just outside of town where the targets
have pictures of Jesus and Mary in the middle of them. Yep, it’s designed to
offend more than succeeds in being funny. I wasn’t offended, and didn’t find it
funny, either. Just too obvious. Osama is taken out by one of the Callers who
is out huntin’.
Everyone here has only this film to
their credit, but I’m pretty sure that’s because most people use fake names
that one could call Moe’s Bar with, such as Phil Morehole, Stinky Puscadero,
Brenda Paxil, Emily Zoloft, Sandy Seroplex, and Suzy Jihad.
Lots of drug mention/use, lots of alcohol,
lots of fast editing, many dead animals, and little of anything else, such as
story (again, the Eraserhead homage).
But the problem with the film isn’t that it’s “repugnant” and gross, which it
is at times, the biggest issue I have with it is actually the same one I had
with Eraserhead: it’s pointless. I
don’t mind weirdness, and I don’t mind psychotropic filmmaking, but at least
keep it interesting.
I’m not sure if Hog Caller is an
actual group, but for the purposes of this film, they are the duo of Tom
Richards (bass and vocals, aka the Dirtfarmer, aka the director of this film)
and Steve O’Donnell (guitar, aka Vomitrocious). The instruments and vocals are
fed through a synthesizer to make it into noise. They call it grindcore. Okay.
There are also a lot of real animal carcasses (mostly pigs). The gore that is
shown as bodies are chopped up toward the end, are obviously some of the animal
parts from the animal butcher shop where the rest of the carcasses are bought.
Extras are the trailer and a making
of documentary.
All in all, I found this more
annoying than disturbing, and equally boring as gross. I am annoyed because I
feel like I just watched two guys masturbating for 84 minutes in their own ego.
Tight Written and directed by Shaun Donnelly Mind Engine Productions Wild Eye Releasing 114
minutes, 201X www.wildeyereleasing.com www.mvdvisual.com The band (left to right in picture
above: Tuesday Cross: bass Alicia Andrews: drum Monica Mayhem: vox Bree Olson: manager Layla Labelle: guitar
I have seen this described as both a
documentary and a mockumentary, and that’s just on the same DVD cover! And yet,
they both feel accurate.
Porn actress Bree Olson tries her
hand in “reality” filming. Mixing the biz she knows and the idea first fomented
through the Monkees, she enlists four of her colleagues to form an all-girl
pornstar rock band. Most of the women knew their craft musical before (albeit
somewhat limited), and in Micky Dolenz fashion, Alicia Andrews learned to play
the drums just before joining in the group.
From there, it starts to feel like
most other reality shows. The four women are put up in a house together so
tension can both build through familiarity (remember, pornstars tend to be
grown on body image and ego) and induced situations. Here, they have five days
from forming to their first performance. The first piece of armor scratching
comes when Monica Mayhem wants to rehearse (i.e., sing) no more than three
hours a day to save her voice. This is actually not far off standard, but it
causes a supposed ruffle in the band while the other three bond without her.
What I would have done is sing the three hours, but stay with the band while
they rehearse to form a collective, rather than stay home. We don’t see where
the decision not to be there comes from, be it from Monica or the producer(s)
(Olson).
During that first gig, where Tight
are told they are going on first rather than headlining (well, duh, they’ve
only been together for five days, and the now-headliner is fellow pornstar and
more established awful pop singer, Brittaney Starr), it feels like a planned
set-up to see their reactions. During the gig, Monica tells the bassist,
Tuesday Cross, to flash her ass, which she does. They then show an insert of an
interview with guitarist Layla Labelle (and her lovely Montreal accent)
rightfully saying, when up on stage they should separate the band from the
porn. This is thrown out the window as by the second show Monica is shown
singing topless.
There is a lot of nudity and sex
(sometimes from porn shoots especially, and a supposedly spontaneous scenes that
seem way too…convenient with a camera going a foot in front of the action) from
everyone involved. The sex is all hard softcore, i.e., no male body parts shown,
but does not shy away from it or give any indication that is it faked). Which
brings me to this topic: this is not a horror film, so why is it on this blog?
Well, for a number of reasons, but specifically because this is not limited
only to blood and gore, but also to exploitation and sexploitation as well, and
this definitely fits into those two categories, especially since it is an indie
production. True, I had to look just about everybody up to find information on
them, but hey, it’s all in the line of duty, right?
So, speaking of formulated situations
to get reaction, Olson brings her sex-obsessed and Ichabod Crane-like cousin
Joel as Assistant Manager. He’s a creepy guy who likes to see Olson on-location
filming sex scenes while eating sardines from a can with his fingers, who is
brought into the producing of Tight’s first music video. Naturally, Olson goes
and leaves the guy (real or a written character, I’m not sure) there to foster
more angst among the group. This just feels too fabricated and planned, but at
the same time it’s like an accident where you can’t avert your eyes. If you
decide to see this, I guarantee you will utter, out loud, “ewwww.”
Brittaney Starr, in a totally see
through top and looking a bit worn, shows up at a rehearsal tells Tight they
sound “rusty.” Again, this feels like Starr and Olson planned this to rattle
the women for the camera.
An ill-fated tour to Denver strands
the ladies with lots of misadventures and a solo bubble rub in a tub (again,
does not feel spontaneous). To make some money, of course there’s some porn
filming. Shouldn’t Bree, as their manager, send them some cash? I’m beginning
to wonder if there is a more hardcore version of this planned? Will I see it?
Nah, but I’m curious to know if I’m right. For me, that’s one of the biggest
issues about the video is that all the sex is so unspontaneous, and most of the
situations they are put in feel scripted. There are some moments that feel
real, like Layla being mad at Tuesday for whipping her with her studded belt buckle
when Tuesday is wasted. It is almost like she doesn’t know how to express her
anger because it feels real. A lot of the other anger that is expressed,
though, I don’t know if it’s normal band-on-tour-tight quarters kind of stuff,
or triggered by things that we don’t see, or there is someone off-camera
saying, “Okay, you and you fight this time.” The line between real and script
is sometimes easy to see, and sometimes not as much.
Lots of mayhem (pun unintended) as
the ladies drink and slug it out both figuratively and literally, leading up to
a record producer hearing them play on day 37. What happens then, you’ll have
to see, but it’s pretty clear.
But, you are probably asking, this is
about an all-woman pornstar rock band. How are they? Well, I have certainly
seen a lot – and I mean a lot worse
over the years. The playing is rudimentary, the songs are kinda repetitive, the
vocals are okay, and, well, they’re not bad though not great. Considering we
follow them together for the mere 37 days of this shoot, and they have their
first live gig within the first week, it’s actually pretty impressive. I don’t
think they could go anywhere on just
being a rock band, without the gimmick of their other life, but yeah, they’re
decent.
The closest I have come to the
reality of this is seeing Penthouse Pet of the Year Cheryl Rixon front a band
in the early 1980s or so. That was pretty good, but she was helped along by her
co-Australian bandmate, who used to be in the Easybeats (“Friday on My Mind”).
Tight don’t have that option (that we see).
There are lots of cool extras
including many deleted scenes which
are enjoyable, a couple of music videos, photo shoots, multiple trailers for
both this film and the wonderful Wild Eye Releasing, and so much more.
So, this m/d/ocumentary smacks of
reality TV, including the incidental music and pacing, but it sure beats out
some of the other fakes, such as Honey Crap Crap and Duck Shit, whatever they’re
called.
Text by Richard Gary / Indie Horror Films,
2014 Images from the Internet
A nice two-films-on-one-DVD release by
Massimiliano Cherci titled Double Feature From Hell, whose Troma patronage is evident (even though the deal with Troma
Distribution fell through). Both these films use a theme of horror and religion,
not surprisingly Roman Catholicism is the foci as it is the part of the
background of its Italy-born director. It is inevitable that there will be
comparisons with the 1980s style of Giallo, but I am saying too much here. Read
on… if you dare…
Hellinger
Directed by Massimiliano Cherci Rounds Entertainment SGL Entertainment MVD Visual 90 minutes, 1997 / 2014 www.mvdvisual.com
Most people
are going to look at this film, rereleased after nearly two decades, and say,
Oh, a throwback from the 1980s “video nasties” that were so prevalent in that
era. Well, they wouldn’t actually be wrong, but I would take it a step further,
and point out that it still has that gory fun and swiss cheese storyline that
we usually love from the likes of Troma.
A Roman
Catholic priest decides he wants to start his own religion and see heaven before he gets there. After a supposed
pact with the devil to do this, he becomes….Hellinger
(a play on the mixture of Hellraiser and Dillinger?). They never really explain
the name: just one of the swiss cheese holes. Meanwhile, he is haunting a young
woman, Melissa Moran (the lovely Shannah Betz, aka Shana Betz, aka Shana Sosin,
aka…), whose abusive father Hellinger killed by evisceration and pulling out
his eyes right in front of her when she was just a schoolgirl. Apparently,
Hellinger has a thing for eyes. But Melissa as an adult is both tough as nails
and still that scared little girl.
The third
main character is Melissa’s cousin, the silly named Kendall Ransom (long haired,
bearded and full body tattooed Artie Richard). He’s a cross between Chuck
Norris and Snake Plisskin (as a coincidence, this film was made in 1997, the
same year Escape From New York [1981]
was supposed to have taken place). Now I realize that the even relatively
modern horror cinema of the 1990s needed to have some kind of male action hero
to look up to, but I have to say, Ransom is a totally superfluous character. He
basically fails in everything he tries, other than getting us Hellinger’s
backstory in a longwinded talking head exposition. In a Carol J. Clover moment,
he can’t even save the heroine. Girl power!
For what
it’s worth, this is actually a fun film straight through, even though it’s not
a great piece of cinema. The no digi effects gore is plentiful if cheesy (especially
the ending), the acting on the most part equally questionable (though Betz
comes off – er – best), and as I said, there are plenty of plotline holes, but
it will keep your attention, along with giving some unintended laughs here and
there, which is always fun.
Cherci (who
also has a recurring cameo role) borrows a lot from a very interesting time of
filmmaking. For example, he was obviously influenced by Italian Giallo,
especially Dario Argento, and arguably Leo Fulci (this film reminded me of his
1982’s The New York Ripper and 1980’s
City of the Living Dead).There is also a pimp character that smacked
of Harvey Keitel’s role in Taxi Driver
(1976). However, in a somewhat prescient
way, he also has the title character repeatedly call Melissa, “my preciousssss,”
is a throaty hiss.
Let’s talk a
bit about the Hellinger character. He is borrowed a lot from the Pinhead lead of Hellraiser (1987), and there are even
the occasional hanging and swinging chains here and there.Bald and pancake faced film security maven
Wayne Petrucelli plays (okay, overplays) him as a cranky, slow talking, nearly
immobile evil character who is not the way he is for the reasons the legend
states, trying for audience sympathy at the last moment, though it’s hard to
feel that. He’s both villain and Melissa’s protector, as he snarls and sibilant
“S” lisps out his dialog. He truly will make you appreciate Doug Bradley’s equally
stoic turn (if you have to ask who Bradley is, you may be reading the wrong
blog; at least look him up).
In another
swiss cheese hole, Hellinger keeps telling her he “loves” her and wants him to
join him in eternity, but it is never really explained why (unless I missed it
in all the exposition). I mean, the first time she sees him she’s a little kid,
so that makes it even creepier. Why is
she his “precious”?
For a low
budget film, despite my own crankiness, this was quite enjoyable, that is once
you get past all the question marks, and the mysterians. Between the graininess
of the image, the grittiness of the characters, there’s blood and sex (and yes,
nudity), and a film worth viewing if you enjoy indie horror, especially in the
Giallo and ‘80s genres.
Holy
Terror
Directed by Massimiliano Cherci Rounds Entertainment SGL Entertainment MVD Visual 55 minutes, 2002 / 2014 www.mvdvisual.com
A possessed
nun (played by the ironically Biblically named Katy Moses) needs souls to keep
feeding on. Somehow, even though she never speaks a word, she manages to have a
real estate agent that periodically (okay, often) rent out her house to young
couples for that purpose. Mayhem eventually occurs.
The couple
in this case is the beautiful and blonde Julie (Beverly Lynne) and her equally
beautiful and blond hubby, David (Charlie Lubiniecki, who amusingly now goes by
David Charlie). To celebrate they bring four of their friends, two women and
another married couple, over for a housewarming party. By the end, you know
very well that few will leave.
All the
women are pretty, and the two men are just so gay. Now, I’m not saying this in
a negative way, I just mean the actors are very obviously, well, gay. Hell, one
even has earrings in both ears. My gaydar went through the freakin’ roof. They are decent actors, but it was distracting. The
only remaining real characters other than some brief appearances, is the real
estate agent, Kane (Michael Brazier, who also co-produced the film with Cherci),
and of course, the nun.
Stylistically,
Cherci has obviously grown since Hellinger,
but the story just does not get off the ground at all (it’s his story, but the
screenplay was written by Fratelli DiNotte. It’s 45 minutes before anything
really happens, and most of it is off-screen, even when it happens right then.
For example, you see the arm come down to strike with a crucifix, but you don’t
see the hit, just the after-effect.
The writing is
just terrible, honestly. One character is showering and she is soon covered in
blood, shocked by it all of course. Then she calming walks into the other room
and jokes about it with her friends. Another person vomits solid blood for a
full minute, and then calmly wipes the john, checks herself in the mirror, and
walks out the door. I get freaked out if it’s just puke, never mind blood, and
she’s blasé about it all.
The most egregious
thing, however, is the fact that this film never gets off the ground. Even when
the action sets into gear after a really long wait, it’s anti-climactic because
we really don’t get to care about anyone, and the action level is so muted.
Most of the
cast has a history of sex horror films. Well, the women anyway, and for the
men, the credits are limited at best. As for Moses (aka the nun), this is her
only appearance on official record (i.e., IMDB). The acting is actually much
better than in Hellinger, and most of
the cast more attractive (except for Shanna Betz, who would fit in well here),
but sadly it’s all in vain because, as one of the women say in this film, “So
far this party has been very uneventful.” I couldn’t say it better than this
self-referential gem.
So, even
though this film has high quality filmmaking and acting, Hellinger is the reason to get this metaphysical twosome.
Recently, I
reviewed another Polonia film, Empire of
the Apes [HERE], the film they made before this one, and I wonder how they
got so much better in one film?
There are
similarities, though: To begin, both films are based on other people’s
franchises, in this case it being Brad Sykes’s killer clown in the woods Camp Blood trilogy, which I haven’t
seen. Well, this one doesn’t continue it as much as kick it in the ass, which
is part of what makes it fun. And then, like most other killer in mask camp
films, this one takes place in the woods, much as did Empire.
What I like
about this film is that Polonia takes the basic maniac in the woods story and
mixes it up a bit. All the clichés of the genre are there, including the weird
old guy warning them to leave which they of course ignore, and Polonia even
combines it with the found footage phenomena that everyone seems to be jumping
on over the past few years since Blair
Witch Project (1999).
Sometimes
when you have an indie film, because the Hollywood rules don’t always count and
the training is more hands-on, directors can get away with more because the
lines are more fluid. This happens right off the bat here. Did not see that
first killing coming at all, and it was very impressive.
After a
standard prologue where the woman belittles the man who gets killed before she
does, as is also par as the story is a class of high schoolers – for once most
of whom look like they actually could be that age or close – are sent into the
woods by their teacher (Cindy Wheeler) to investigate (and film) what really
happened. The point is to prove or disprove if there even is a Blood Lake killer
clown with a machete hacking people. Okay, yes, same MO (i.e., mask and a
onesey) as Jason and same locale as Jason and same weapon as Jason. I get it
other reviewers, so let’s move on.
So three
females and two males camp out, and then run their cameras constantly through
the day. And night. With no outlets to recharge the cameras. It’s the modern
equivalent of a Western where the six-shooter never runs out of bullets, I
suppose. I know I have to charge mine about every two hours of usage. Again,
the rules of micro-budget are different, that is apparent.
Talk around
the campfire with one of them trying to scare the others with stories? Check.
False scares (such as someone surprising someone in the dark)? Check. A real
scare as the killer shows up after the false scare? Check.
Now, while a
lot of this is frankly following the playbook, there is also an undercurrent
element which has, well, if not originality, then definitely a shake-up of the
standard. There is some playing with time, you definitely get a preview of what
is going to happen to our hapless students, and of course, what are left are
the video cameras, including the one worn by the killer on the side of its
mask. And the ending is actually a bit of a surprise.
While this
isn’t the greatest of films, it’s miles above the Empire of the Apes (the one Polonia did before this one!). The gore
is a cheesy a mix of digital and appliance. Despite being a bit hackneyed, such
as using a machete with part of the blade cut out to look like it’s chopping
through a body part, it’s still a fun ride to watch. The digital blood spatter
is, however, just bad. There most of the other reviews I’ve read have it right;
fakest I’ve seen since Empire, which
was even way more fakey.
Again,
micro-budgets produce interesting vibes, and sometimes even the most ridiculous
become… well, not credible, but acceptable-though-noticeable. For example, when
one teen is getting her head chopped off, and blood is pouring from her mouth
(they must have gone through a lot of
blood capsules in this film as everyone
bleeds profusely from the mouth), she appears to be laughing as she’s coughing
up blood. It actually made me smile,
and she was one of my favorite characters.
Now to some
quickies: You can tell when the POV is the killer’s other than the students
because you can hear the heavy breathing, like it was the end of a marathon; I
kept saying, dude, you need to work out more and do some cardio. Every couple
of minutes you see the screen scrambled with a szzhzhzhz sound, like interference, to remind the viewer that it is
supposed to be watching video after the fact. I know my digi camera never does
that, but okay. I figured out the killer pretty fast, dismissed it, and then
remembered at the end as was right; however, it’s not that obvious and it may surprise
you. It seems that every victim picked up the wooden Camp Blood sign just
before they become ex-teens. Again, no nudity or even the suggestion of it
(though an affair is rumoured). Other than chapter choices, there are no extras
on this.
Some of the
Polonia stock players make appearances, such as Jeff Kirkendall (also a genre filmmaker)
as the loony warning them away, Ken Van Sant as the sheriff that finds the
cameras, and punk rock drummer (yes, I will always use that descriptor because
it is cool) Steve Diasparra as the Mayor (and one other role). Most of the
other cast have either this as their only credit, or just a couple or few others
with Polonia or Kirkendall.
Yeah, the
acting and dialog are somewhat stilted, but the message comes across without
the viewer having to use the mind too much, and sometimes that’s all one needs,
right? The film is a decent length, being not too long, but with enough time to tell the story, which is
obviously written for a sequel.
Over the
past few years, Polonia and his siblings have made a name for themselves in the
indie horror world apparently by sheer volume. He has directed over thirty
films since 1986, though becoming much more prolific since the millennium,
averaging two or three releases per year. And yet, this is the first of his
I’ve seen, so I will only go by this one.
Let’s get
right to the premise, which is an obvious combination of The Planet of the Apes franchise through the decades, Larry
Buchanan’s Mistress of the Apes (1979),
and Ken Dixon’s Slave Girls From Beyond
Infinity (1987). Most have their roots or ideals in the early 1980s
horror/sci-fi glut that emerged with the VHS market. I’m nearly surprised there
wasn’t a cameo here by the likes of Brinke Stevens, Linnea Quigley or Michelle
Bauer.
But the cast
is small and most have but few credits (nearly all with Polonia). Told mostly
in flashback, three comely women wearing little are prisoners on a spaceship and
about to be sold to another planet as pleasure servants. They don’t really like
each other much, but manage to work together to escape and steal a space pod, landing
on a planet inhabited by about half a dozen talking male apes (English, of
course), led by the ambitious and cruel Korg (Ken Van Sant), wearing a
headpiece-hat-thingie that looks like medieval kings wore. On the other end of
the spectrum is the erstwhile ape hero, Trask (Jeff Kirkendall), who wears a
tan overcoat! With a hood! It’s sort of right wing vs. left, if you want to get
a tad deep about it.
Speaking of
the apes, their masks are obviously rubber, with a loose jaw for when they are
talking. And despite that they are on a planet far, far away, even though it’s
odd they speak English, it’s the phrases they use that throw me. For example,
one references the planet as a “Garden of Eden.” Old Testament on chimp planet?
Wha? Another time what is spouted is, “This way, you merry mother grabbers!” Eh?
Lots of anachronistic language is flung like poo at us, though no cuss words.
Of course, this is also part of the charm, and besides, it may show up on TV
that way. Uncut.
The lead human
villain is the head of the prison ship, Captain Zantor (played by shaved-head
punk rock drummer Steve Diasparra). On a slightly different and deeper level,
there is actually very little difference between leader Korg and leader Zantor,
which I am sure is part of the point. They are conniving, ambitious, greedy,
and backstabbing. Which will win? Well, that’s given away pretty early,
unfortunately, as this is – as I stated earlier – a flashback.
As for our
three anti-heroines, there’s the somewhat leader and toothsome Dane (Danielle
Donahue), the biker babe type Theel (Elizabeth V. Costanzo), and the “innocent”
Jada (Marie DeLorenzo, who rocks a sort of Drew Barrymore look). Despite the
theme of the film, they actually take second banana (couldn’t resist) to both
Korg and Zantor. But they are all three attractive, and all dressed in some
form of flesh-showing Lycra.
Speaking of
which, let’s talk about why we watch this stuff, in part. Even though there are
lots of bare arms, legs and bellies, there is absolutely zero nudity here, not
even a hint. Hasn’t anyone given Polonia the handbook? There is practically no
blood, never mind gore. Polonia needs
to contact and hire DMP (Dustin Mills Productions), one of the best in the
micro-budget trade, to get his splatter on. And as for SFX, well, other than
some rubber masks, a couple of interesting looking spears, and some miniature
space crafts, nearly all of the effects are cheap digi ones that look like it
was done on a free software you can download from the ‘net. We’re talking Ed
Wood level effects, if there was digi-FX back then.
I respect
what the Polonia Brothers are doing, don’t get me wrong, please. They do get a
story going, and even manage to make it lead towards a sequel even though the
whole ending here is a WTF moment. The kindest and truest thing I can say about
this film is it really is a loyal nod to the 1980s VHS schlock that so many of
us like. Even though I thought the pace was a bit slow, the dialog stunted, the
acting deplorable, the setting silly (mowed grass?!), and huge plot holes
(really, the captain of the prison ship wouldgo after three prisoners on an unknown planet? Alone?), I would still
rather see something like this than sit in a theater and watch most Hollywood
digital disasters (for example, the excruciatingly painful on so many levels Transformers franchise).
So even with
its many faults, I say a small bravo, and look forward (though on a lower
scale) to the next in the Apes
series.
The Swedes
make some interesting and surprising creepy films. For example the title of Mara can be translated as either a
succubus, a spirit who brings mishaps, or as a name it means “bitter” (as does Miriam,
Mary or Marie).
Mara has a basic plot theme which can be
found in films from the late ‘70s on: told in flashback, a group of friends (here
its three women, two dudes) go to a desolate country farm house in which a
murder took place years before that was witnessed by the protagonist, Jenny (Angelica
Jansson); her mother stabbed her father multiple times in a jealous rage. Of
course, mom has been released from the asylum, and people are dying. You’re
probably saying, “Been there, seen that.”
Ah, but we’re
talking about Scandinavian cinema, where there is a lot of smoke and mirrors,
along with a sense of cinemafantastique.
For a while I figured out the story, but then realized, no, I didn’t. That was
a pleasant surprise. I did not see the second reveal at all. Yes, there are
multiple reveals, resulting in a very interesting picture.
I know I
have recently complained about how walking around a house in the dark with
tense music for some length of time can turn anxiety into impatience, but the
directors do a splendid job at keeping your attention throughout multiple, “what
was that noise/shadow/figure?” sequences.
Most of the
cast is fodder for nudity and body count, of course, as some things shall not go rewritten, but it doesn’t
matter because there are only two key figures to the story: the first is the
creepy mom (Mia Möller) who shows up in sequences that are reminiscent of Boris
Karloff in Mario Bava’s 1963 I tre volti della
paura (aka Black Sabbath). The
other, of course, is the lead of Jenny. It’s hard to believe this is Jansson’s
first role because she grabs it and plays full tilt. I’m sure it helps that the
film is in her native Swedish (with English subtitles), but she gives a stellar
performance, full of nuance and body language, from surprised to bored to,
well, terror. Plus she is an incredibly attractive woman who has… huge tracks
of land, and the director puts her in clothes that play that off well without
making it only a cleavage-fest. That’s left for the other actors (though Jansson
does get a chance to appear with ample bosom showing as well, early on during a
dinner scene).
The look of
the film, with its bluish colors and artistic flair – especially the dream and
remembrance sequences – reminds me a bit of the Giallo cinema of the 1970 and
‘80s, such as the aforementioned Bava and Dario Argento, without all the
strange angles and extreme zooming close-ups. After all, this is mean-what-you-say-say-what-you-mean
Lutheran Sweden, not the pomp and circumstance Roman Catholic Italy. Even
spectacle is more subtle up there. But gore? That’s another story. There is a
long history of shock cinema coming from Sweden since the 1960s, enough to
literally fill a book [HERE].
While an
enjoyable film from beginning to end, it is not perfect. For example, one of
the questions I have, and this isn’t just this one but in general: When
something is a flashback, why do they include scenes with dialog where the person
telling the story is not present? How would she know what was discussed,
especially if they were talking about her and it’s a family secret? Okay,
perhaps that is nitpicking, but that doesn’t mean I’m wrong, does it?
There have
been a lot of films of late from the European Theatre that have just dove head
first into the muck and mire of gore, shock and, well, more gore. Here,
however, they have taken a step back and kept the blood (most of it “after” the
act), but put the suspense and terror to the front. Doing this, they have
denied none of the artistic license of shadows moving, smart editing, spooky
lighting and solid acting.
But this is Jansson’s
picture, and a good one to start her portfolio (and as of this writing it remains
her only credit in IMDB). She doesn’t let her beauty stand in the way of giving
a strong performance where she must grimace, look confused, and terrified; then
there’s the obligatory shower scene, of course. I’m hoping she’s given more
chances than modeling in fashion and men’s mags.
There are
some nice extras included. The first is a 75 minute day-by-day shooting diary
for the seven-day gig. One nice thing is they show you how they set up the
shot, and then they actually show you the scene, so you can see what they are
talking about (don’t forget to turn on the English captions for the extras).
What’s also enjoyable is you get to see some more, well, body parts. Third, one
occurance that is on this extra that isn’t in the film as much is Angelica’s
bright smile.
The second
is a four-minute piece of Hedberg meeting Angelica for the first time to see if
she is right for the part. This is followed by a brief phone conversation
(while driving!) with one of the other directors on how it felt like a positive
experience. Obviously, it all worked out.
Of course
there’s the trailer for the film, and a three-minute in-house video interview
with Jansson dressed in total model mode at the test screening, discussing her
experience. She is definitely bright (a degree in Environmental Science!), and
she says though she won’t chase roles, she would be happy to do another. Good.
She also posits that the film turned out better than she expected. Amen,
sister.
Joey (Chuck
Pappas) is convinced that his long-distance girlfriend, the titular Jennifer
(Jessica Cameron), is cheating on him due to a text message she sent to someone
else. Taking the Bobby Vee song, “The Night Has a Thousand Eyes” to heart, he
takes his unwitting and abrasive cousin/friend Steven (the director, Bressack)
along to record the events on his phone as a hostile witness.
In fact,
this is self-reportedly the first film ever shot entirely on an iPhone 5. Yes, that
does make it a “found footage” pseudo-documentary kind of deal. And man, it
takes a while for anything to happen. After an extended airport set piece that
is supposed to show state of minds but just drags, They hook up with stoner Martin
(Jody Barton, an old pal in Jennifer’s town. They meander more than focus on
anything.In the first half hour there
is a boring party, a fistfight without context and meaning, a trip to an old
motel that was once the scene of a crime… All in all, in the first hour, there’s
actually about 5 minutes that adds anything to the actual story.
There is absolutely
no character development other than shrillness and macho posturing. Even the
introduction of some hollering around a couple of prostitutes (real life porn
star Nella Jay and trans Kitty Doll) into the mix does nothing to advance the
plot, and is a waste of good talent. Jay steals all her scenes. All this section
did is make me want to take Joey’s poser hipster stocking hat and shove it in
his mouth to just shut him the fuck up. And Bressack’s annoying voice and
cackle as he videos (and of course he’s the loudest holding the camera) keeps
me this close to wanting to hit pause.
So, the
first big reveal an hour in? Figured it out earlier, when the event supposedly
happened. An hour and three minutes in, during the first suspenseful moment in
the film, a stupid – I mean really, really stupid question, almost ruins the
mood.
Here’s a
thing I learned in the 1980s, while watching Linda Blair’s Hell Night (1981): during a scene where someone is roaming around
and you’re expecting something to jump out can last too long, making suspense
dip into viewer impatience. But I didn’t advance the DVD at all, and waited to
see what would happen. Do I get some kind of award? Second stupid question at
1:05.
It finally
starts getting a little interesting at 1:07, but again, ruins the moment by
more roaming. And by sheer stoopidity (slight spoiler alert): why the fuck
would some who is being hunted stay on the grounds of the house, and not run as
far away as possible? Hey, even Michael’s sister Laurie knew to run to a
neighbor, and that was in 1978, fer krissake.
No, I won’t
spoil the ending, but I’m hoping I won’t have to see a sequel.
The only
extra is a commentary track with the three mail leads.Thankfully they actually talk about the film,
though they seem to have enjoyed it more than I did, with lots of laughing and
joking along with the information.
In sum, the length
of this review belies the depth to which I think – or actually don’t think –
about it. It would have made a decent 15 minute short, but there is just not
enough happening to warrant the full length treatment. To be a bit balanced, reviews I’ve read disagree
with me, so there are those that liked it.
Usually I
champion indie filmmaking, especially one that uses technology in a way that’s
never been used before, but this just a barking dog with no teeth. Okay,
perhaps three, but two of them have cavities.
